argument38 GOGOGO

加一UID: 2168628

Argument 38The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.
"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."

Syllabus:
1 鱼不一定能防感冒。可能East Meria的人体质较好，
2 缺席的人不一定都感冒，有人的得的不是感冒，只是症状相同。
3 即使吃鱼可以预防感冒，也没有足够理由认为Ichthaid这种鱼制品也能治感冒，或者这种药可能还有副作用。

In this memo, the author recommends that in order to prevent colds and reduce absenteeism the residents in West Meria should take Ichthaid which is a kind of nutritional supplement derived from fish oil everyday. To support this recommendation, the author points out that in nearby East Meria people visit the doctor only once or twice a year for the treatment of colds due to the high consumption of fish. The claim seems reasonable at the first glance, but with further analysis, it appears some logical fallacies as follow.

First of all, the author fails to convince us that eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. According to the memo, people in East Meria seldom visit the doctor for treating colds. But we should notice that perhaps the residents of East Meria are good health, because a majority of them like doing some exercises such as swimming, jogging so forth which could make some good efforts for preventing colds. Since the author could not account for this possibility, the claim that West Meria would defend colds by daily use of ichthaid is completely unwarranted.

Furthermore, there is no evidence to show that colds have the highest frequency to be given for absences from school and work. As we know, colds are the kinds of diseases could be treated easily. So many people are likely to say they get cold for a rest because they do not want to study and work. At the same time, we should notice that many diseases would be treated as colds due to the same symptom. So I think there should be some patients who suffer other diseases are treated like colds.  

Last but not least, even if the good health of residents in East Meria is attributable to high consumption of fish, the author assumes too hastily that the people of West Meria would continue to benefit from having Ichthaid. For one thing, there is no detailed information about Ichthaid. Maybe only a few people could consume it because the price is too high for the common people to afford. For anther thing, the Ichthaid might contain some materials which could do harm to people. Unless the author can convince me that these scenarios are unlikely to happen, I can not accept the author’s recommendation that West Meria’s residents should improve their health by Ichthaid.

In a sum, the author’s recommendation is not well supported. To bolster it the author must provide better evidence that high consumption of fish has been responsible for preventing colds in East Meria. At the same time, the author should conduct a further investigation on the healthy condition of absent people and prove that colds are the most frequent disease in West Meria. And then, I would also need to thoroughly obtain some knowledge about Ichthaid and confirm the function is harmless and the price is appropriate for ordinary people.

words:483

neverstopcowUID: 2149686

Argument 38The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.
"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."

Syllabus:
1 鱼不一定能防感冒。可能East Meria的人体质较好，
2 缺席的人不一定都感冒，有人的得的不是感冒，只是症状相同。
3 即使吃鱼可以预防感冒，也没有足够理由认为Ichthaid这种鱼制品也能治感冒，或者这种药可能还有副作用。

In this memo, the author recommends that in order to prevent colds and reduce absenteeism the residents in West Meria should take Ichthaid which is a kind of nutritional supplement derived from fish oil everyday. To support this recommendation, the author points out that in nearby East Meria people visit the doctor only once or twice a year for the treatment of colds due to the high consumption of fish. The claim seems reasonable at the first glance, but with further analysis, it appears (这个词用的不是很准确,想不出来可以换种说法，比如，some fallacies can be revealed as follow,另外，fallacy就是指逻辑错误，不用加上logical乐) some logical fallacies as follow.

First of all, the author fails to convince us that eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. According to the memo, people in East Meria seldom visit the doctor for treating colds. But we should notice that perhaps the residents of East Meria are （in）good health, because a majority of them like doing some exercises such as swimming, jogging (and) so forth which could make some good efforts for (is effective in) preventing colds. Since the author could not account for (rule out) this possibility, the claim that West Meria would(should) defend colds by daily use of ichthaid is completely unwarranted.(这一段有点罗索，句子有点不通顺)

Furthermore, there is no evidence to show that colds have the highest frequency to be given for absences from school and work. As we know, colds are the kinds of diseases could be treated easily. So（so 在这里又点歧义，改称consequently或其他把） many people are likely to say they get cold for a rest because they do not want to study and work. At the same time, we should notice that many diseases would be treated as colds due to the same symptom. （这个理由有点牵强）So I think there should be some patients who suffer other diseases are treated like colds.  

Last but not least, even if the good health of residents in East Meria is attributable to high consumption of fish, the author assumes too hastily that （is too hast to assume that）the people of West Meria would continue to benefit from having Ichthaid(would benefit from Ichthaid as well,continue在这里不只做何解？). For one thing, there is no detailed information about Ichthaid. Maybe only a few people could consume it because the price is too high for the common people to afford. （good reason） For anther thing, (有点别扭，换成In addtion, 或其他都可以，不见的要和上面对应这么好) the Ichthaid might contain some materials （添加剂，additive）which could do harm to people. Unless the author can convince me that these scenarios are unlikely to happen, I can not accept the author’s recommendation that West Meria’s residents should improve their health by Ichthaid.

In a sum, the author’s recommendation is not well supported. To bolster (好词) it the author must provide better evidence that high consumption of fish has been responsible for preventing colds in East Meria. At the same time, the author should conduct a further investigation on the healthy condition of absent people and prove that colds are the most frequent disease in West Meria. And then, I would also need to thoroughly obtain some knowledge about Ichthaid and confirm the function is harmless and the price is appropriate for ordinary people.（最后一段不错，很全面）

我觉得整篇读下来，没有很大的问题，逻辑很清楚，结构也不错。主要问题和我一样还是在语言，有的地方很罗嗦，有的地方又没有说清楚，不过看得出来加一已经在努力变换句式和词汇了，慢慢坚持和积累自然会有效果的！加油！

加一UID: 2168628

呵呵,谢谢neverstopcow的鼓励~

The claim seems reasonable at the first glance, but with further analysis, it appears some logical fallacies as follow.
呵呵这段是shirely第一次帮我改后的成品,我把它当万金油来用:) 别人也说过logical fallacies不能连用,不过我查了一下,"Logical fallacies are errors in reasoning".

本文我在昨晚发给了一位在美国的很牛的长辈,她说我的第一段(first of all)写的还可以,后面两段问题比较多,重大错误是"many people are likely to say they get cold for a rest because they do not want to study and work. "因为美国人很忌讳说人家没有信用,除非拿出确实证据.所以在这个Argument中,这个攻击点应该被排除.还有一个是colds不能用disease,应该用sick.