issue51 我的第一篇issue

monalisaUID: 2121928

51"Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet
the individual needs and interests of each student."
我的提纲:
1教育是否有效的标准在于是否能够达到起目的:教会学生如何在社会上生存.
2为每个人量身定做的教育模式是建立在个人已经掌握基础知识的基础上.
3但是必须承认现代教育有他的弊病.
结论:根据个人的需求和兴趣制定的教育模式只是辅助,考察教育的有效性还在于其广泛的普及基础知识及技能.(更新在7楼,嘉斑竹往那看,呵呵:))
The author tends to agree that education will be truly effective when it meets
each student's need and interest. In my opinion, however, I disagree with the
author even though this opinion seems to be somewhat convincing at the first
glance. In the following discussion, I would like to present reasons and examples
to support my idea.

In the first place, the criterion of the efficiency of education is whether it successfully achieves its aim - teach the students how to survive in the competitive
society. All the students need the basic knowledge and life skills, which cannot
be ignored. For example, reading, writing and calculating are taught to every
student so that in this respect everybody is equally equipped for life. Without
offering every student the "equal start", education is not successful, let alone
effective. As for the life skills, such as logical thinking, analysis and solving
problems are also essential for all the students. Education is supposed to train the students to be able to handle whatever life may present, including all the
unknowns of the future instead of being specifically designed according to each
individual's talents and interests, which will mistakenly lead him to believe life is
also specifically designed for him thus weaken his ability living in the society.

What's more, education which is specifically designed for each individual must be
based on the foundation that all the basic knowledge is griped by each student. Without a solid foundation, the student's own need and interest cannot be fully developped. Take the courses setting in the university as an example. When we come to the third grade, finishing all the required courses for our major, the
tutors of each department just begin to offer us optional courses which can be
chosen according to our own ability and interest. Suppose these selective
courses had been presented when we first stepped into the university, without
indispensable knowledge, how would we understand and grasp the essence of
those courses.

Admittedly, the traditional pattern of education with the teacher being in a
position of authority and the student having little choice but to passively absorb
the information provided by the teacher has some negative effects for the
development of the students. For instance, if some students have no interest in what the teacher teach, they mentally withdraw. So it's impossible for these
students to get a good mark in the exam and failure in the exam again and
again will make them lose the self - confidence. A study revealed that when
children enter the first grade, 80 percent of them feel pretty good themselves,
but by the time they get to the sixth grade, only 10 percent of them have good self - images.

Consequently, from what has been discussed above, we may finally arrive at the
conclusion that we can offer some specifically designed programs for individuals or give them more oppotunity to become actively involved in the learning process,
however, the foundation of the efficiency of the education is still is
generalization. This is the basic architecture of education; the rest is
ornamentation and decoration of the structure.

[ 本帖最后由 monalisa 于 2006-1-25 09:03 编辑 ]

果小冻UID: 208370

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... p;highlight=issue51

果小冻UID: 208370

51"Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet
the individual needs and interests of each student."
我的提纲:
1教育是否有效的标准在于是否能够达到起目的:教会学生如何在社会上生存.
2为每个人量身定做的教育模式是建立在个人已经掌握基础知识的基础上.
3但是必须承认现代教育有他的弊病.
结论:根据个人的需求和兴趣制定的教育模式只是辅助,考察教育的有效性还在于其广泛的普及基础知识及技能.
The author tends to agree that education will be truly effective when it meets
each student's need and interest. In my opinion, however, I disagree with the
author even though this opinion seems to be somewhat convincing at the first
glance. In the following discussion, I would like to present reasons and examples
to support my idea.[有点argument的感觉哈，不过观点很明确，如果再简练点就更好了嘛]

In the first place, the criterion of the efficiency of education is whether it successfully achieves its aim - teach the students how to survive in the competitive
society. [恩，不错，先给出判别尺度，但我觉得教育的最终目的应该是为了社会的发展吧，不是从个人角度说撒。呵呵西西]All the students need the basic knowledge and life skills, which cannot
be ignored. For example, reading, writing and calculating are taught to every
student so that in this respect everybody is equally equipped for life. Without
offering every student the "equal start", education is not successful, let alone
effective. [恩，这个句子好的很]As for the life skills, such as logical thinking, analysis and solving
problems are also essential for all the students. Education is supposed to train the students to be able to handle whatever life may present, including all the
unknowns of the future instead of being specifically designed according to each
individual's talents and interests, which will mistakenly lead him to believe life is
also specifically designed for him thus weaken his ability living in the society.[恩，观点和语句真的都很好，赞啊]

What's more, education which is specifically designed for each individual must be
based on the foundation that all the basic knowledge is griped by each student. [你上面一段不就是在说基础知识的重要性吗？]Without a solid foundation, the student's own need and interest cannot be fully developped. Take the courses setting in the university as an example. When we come to the third grade, finishing all the required courses for our major, the
tutors of each department just begin to offer us optional courses which can be
chosen according to our own ability and interest. Suppose these selective
courses had been presented when we first stepped into the university, without
indispensable knowledge, how would we understand and grasp the essence of
those courses.[恩，用自己的经历作为例子好的很那，只是在例子之后是否应该稍微和中心或者题目照应一下捏？恩恩]

Admittedly, the traditional pattern of education with the teacher being in a
position of authority and the student having little choice but to passively absorb
the information provided by the teacher has some negative effects for the
development of the students. For instance, if some students have no interest in what the teacher teach, they mentally withdraw. So it's impossible for these
students to get a good mark in the exam and failure in the exam again and
again will make them lose the self - confidence. A study revealed that when
children enter the first grade, 80 percent of them feel pretty good themselves,
but by the time they get to the sixth grade, only 10 percent of them have good self - images.[说到了兴趣的重要性，防止文章极端化，恩，很好的哇，但是好象一个调查上来就没有内容了，你的分析捏？]

Consequently, from what has been discussed above, we may finally arrive at the
conclusion that we can offer some specifically designed programs for individuals or give them more oppotunity to become actively involved in the learning process,
however, the foundation of the efficiency of the education is still is
generalization. This is the basic architecture of education; the rest is
ornamentation and decoration of the structure.[真的觉得你写的好好，第一篇，我现在写了几篇了，还是很烂，真是惭愧啊，以后帮助我哈。。。恩恩]

monalisaUID: 2121928

原帖由 果小冻 于 2006-1-17 11:05 发表
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... p;highlight=issue51

好啊,我现在去看,你的47我已经改完了,欢迎你跟我argu啊.

monalisaUID: 2121928

51"Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet
the individual needs and interests of each student."
我的提纲:
1教育是否有效的标准在于是否能够达到起目的:教会学生如何在社会上生存.
2为每个人量身定做的教育模式是建立在个人已经掌握基础知识的基础上.
3但是必须承认现代教育有他的弊病.
结论:根据个人的需求和兴趣制定的教育模式只是辅助,考察教育的有效性还在于其广泛的普及基础知识及技能.
The author tends to agree that education will be truly effective when it meets
each student's need and interest. In my opinion, however, I disagree with the
author even though this opinion seems to be somewhat convincing at the first
glance. In the following discussion, I would like to present reasons and examples
to support my idea.[有点argument的感觉哈，不过观点很明确，如果再简练点就更好了嘛]
(第一段怎么有argument的感觉呢？我还没看argument呢。呵呵，说来听听，我就是苦于第一段不会展开，怎么再简练呢？比如。。。？)

In the first place, the criterion of the efficiency of education is whether it successfully achieves its aim - teach the students how to survive in the competitive
society. [恩，不错，先给出判别尺度，但我觉得教育的最终目的应该是为了社会的发展吧，不是从个人角度说撒。呵呵西西]那你的意思是不是我说的太绝对了？恩，有必要下面论证时候说服读者一下All the students need the basic knowledge and life skills, which cannot
be ignored. For example, reading, writing and calculating are taught to every
student so that in this respect everybody is equally equipped for life. Without
offering every student the "equal start", education is not successful, let alone
effective. [恩，这个句子好的很]As for the life skills, such as logical thinking, analysis and solving
problems are also essential for all the students. Education is supposed to train the students to be able to handle whatever life may present, including all the
unknowns of the future instead of being specifically designed according to each
individual's talents and interests, which will mistakenly lead him to believe life is
also specifically designed for him thus weaken his ability living in the society.[恩，观点和语句真的都很好，赞啊]

What's more, education which is specifically designed for each individual must be
based on the foundation that all the basic knowledge is griped by each student. [你上面一段不就是在说基础知识的重要性吗？]看来逻辑有些不清楚，我其实第一段是说“基础知识和人的基本生存能力是所有人都必需的，而第二段是说个性化的教育是以基础教育为本的Without a solid foundation, the student's own need and interest cannot be fully developped. Take the courses setting in the university as an example. When we come to the third grade, finishing all the required courses for our major, the
tutors of each department just begin to offer us optional courses which can be
chosen according to our own ability and interest. Suppose these selective
courses had been presented when we first stepped into the university, without
indispensable knowledge, how would we understand and grasp the essence of
those courses.[恩，用自己的经历作为例子好的很那，只是在例子之后是否应该稍微和中心或者题目照应一下捏？恩恩]恩，我也觉得这个不好

Admittedly, the traditional pattern of education with the teacher being in a
position of authority and the student having little choice but to passively absorb
the information provided by the teacher has some negative effects for the
development of the students. For instance, if some students have no interest in what the teacher teach, they mentally withdraw. So it's impossible for these
students to get a good mark in the exam and failure in the exam again and
again will make them lose the self - confidence. A study revealed that when
children enter the first grade, 80 percent of them feel pretty good themselves,
but by the time they get to the sixth grade, only 10 percent of them have good self - images.[说到了兴趣的重要性，防止文章极端化，恩，很好的哇，但是好象一个调查上来就没有内容了，你的分析捏？]恩，对，谢谢

Consequently, from what has been discussed above, we may finally arrive at the
conclusion that we can offer some specifically designed programs for individuals or give them more oppotunity to become actively involved in the learning process,
however, the foundation of the efficiency of the education is still is
generalization. This is the basic architecture of education; the rest is
ornamentation and decoration of the structure.[真的觉得你写的好好，第一篇，我现在写了几篇了，还是很烂，真是惭愧啊，以后帮助我哈。。。恩恩]互相帮助吧，我这个写了一晚上呢，汗。。。。

[ 本帖最后由 monalisa 于 2006-1-17 15:43 编辑 ]

果小冻UID: 208370

恩，我感觉开头就是摆明观点，简练一些，然后思路是应该清晰点，汗，我也做的不好的。。

monalisaUID: 2121928

大家再看看哦:)
教育只有被专门设计来满足每一个学生个人需求和兴趣的时候才是真正有效率的。
1 教育是一项标准化的工程，每个人都需要学习基础知识和生存技能。
2 只有在标准化的教育的基础上，个性化的教育才能发挥其作用，否则就是无本之木，无源之水。
3 不可否认标准化的教育存在它的弊端，它在一定程度上限制了学生的发展。
综述：标准化的教育是基石，个性化的教育只是为其添砖加瓦。

The author tends to agree that education will be truly effective only when it meets each student's needs and interests. In my opinion, however, I disagree with the author even though this opinion seems to be somewhat convincing at the first glance. In the following discussion, I would like to give detailed illustrations to support my idea.

In the first place, education, with its cycles of instruction carefully worked out, is a standardized project where all the students need the basic knowledge and life skills, which cannot be ignored. For example, reading, writing and calculating are taught to every student so that in this respect everybody is equally equipped for life. Without offering every student the necessary foundation, education is not successful, let alone effective. As for the life skills, such as reasoning and other cognitive skills are also essential for all the students. Generally speaking, education is supposed to train the students to be able to handle whatever life may present, including all the unknowns of the future instead of being specifically designed according to each individual's talents and interests, which will mislead him to believe life is also specifically designed for him thus weaken his ability to live in the society.

What's more, education which is specifically designed for each individual must be based on the foundation of standardization. Without a solid foundation, the student's own needs and interests cannot be fully developped. Take the courses setting in the university of China as an example. When we come to the third grade, finishing all the required courses for our major, the tutors of each department just begin to offer us optional courses which can be chosen according to our own ability and interest. Suppose these selective courses had been presented when we first stepped into the university, without indispensable knowledge, how would we understand and grasp the essence of those courses. Therefore, personalized education without necessary knowledge provided by standardization is like water without a source, trees without roots.

Admittedly, the standardized education with the teacher being in a position of authority and the student having little choice but to passively absorb the information provided by the teacher has some negative effects for the development of the students, whose personality has been confined to some extent. As time passes, the students developped the same format of dealing with things and showing the same opinion towards problems because in their mind there is only one correct answer. Without creation, without innovation, what will be the world like?

Consequently, from what has been discussed above, we may finally arrive at the conclusion that we can offer some specifically designed programs for individuals or give them more oppotunity to become actively involved in the learning process, however, the foundation of the education is still is standardization. This is the basic architecture of education; the rest is ornamentation and decoration of the structure.

runningpiggyUID: 194977

占座。。

runningpiggyUID: 194977

The author tends to agree that education will be truly effective only when it meets each student's needs and interests.[这样的restate比较没意义，至少要把句式或者单词换一下吧] In my opinion, however, I disagree with the author even though this opinion[同一句话里出现两个opinion总不太好吧，用个assertation之类的就好多了] seems to be somewhat convincing at the first glance. In the following discussion, I would like to[这个，有点口语化] give detailed illustrations to support my idea. [你的idea是什么，在这里就说出来，全文论点都不清楚，这是很致命的问题]

In the first place, education, with its cycles of instruction carefully worked out, is a standardized project where all the students need the basic knowledge and life skills, which cannot be ignored.[不要写完观点之后就马上举例子] For example, reading, writing and calculating are taught to every student so that in this respect everybody is equally equipped for life. Without offering every student the necessary foundation, education is not successful, let alone effective[the effectiveness]. As for the life skills, such as reasoning and other cognitive skills[这里需要一个逗号，后面也缺乏一个主语] are also essential for all the students. Generally speaking, education is supposed to train the students to be able to handle whatever life may present, including all the unknowns of the future instead of being specifically designed according to each individual's talents and interests, which will mislead him[or her] to believe life is also specifically designed for him[最好能有and来连接一下] thus weaken his[or her] ability to live in the society. [这段的论证不够好，写教育应该教给学生求生的技能，那么就应该在两个方面上说，一个是求生的技能的重要性，还有获得这种技能的途径中教育就是最基本的]

What's more, education[用which引导的定从要用逗号隔开] which is specifically designed for each individual must be based on the foundation of standardization. Without a solid foundation, the[这应该用不定冠词] student's own needs and interests cannot be fully developed. Take the courses setting in the university of China as an example. When we come to the third grade, finishing all the required courses for[of] our major, the tutors of each department just begin to offer us optional courses which can be chosen according to our own ability[复数] and interest[复数]. Suppose these selective courses had been presented when we first stepped into the university, without indispensable knowledge, how would we understand and grasp the essence of those courses.[这应该是个问号] Therefore, personalized education without necessary knowledge provided by standardization is like water without a source, trees without roots. [这段一直试图从反面说明观点的正确性，我觉得有点太单一了，其实可以考虑一下从正面出发]

Admittedly, the standardized education with the teacher being in a position of authority and the student[复数] having little choice[复数] but to passively absorb the information provided by the teacher has some negative effects for the development of the students, whose personality has been confined to some extent.[刚开头应该表明观点，而不应该写这么长的句子来说这么具体的问题] As time passes, the students developped[原形] the same format of[as] dealing with things and showing the same opinion towards[as，但是连续两个the same as有点怪] problems because in their mind there is only one correct answer. Without creation, without innovation, what will be the world like? [这段特别奇怪，总共只有三句话，感觉是叙述一个过程，但问题是这段的目的应该是在证明个性化教育的优点]

Consequently, from what has been discussed above,[这句多余] we may finally arrive at the conclusion that we can offer some specifically designed programs for individuals or give them more oppotunity[复数] to become actively involved in the learning process, however, the foundation of the education is still is standardization. This is the basic architecture of education; the rest is ornamentation and decoration of the structure. [不俗的结尾]


[总的来说，文章结构还存在缺陷，主要就是论点的不突出和让步段的莫名其妙。语言还需加强，感觉是比较平淡。逻辑并不严密，没能看到什么简单的推理过程。第一篇这个样子还算不错，继续加油吧]

[ 本帖最后由 runningpiggy 于 2006-1-26 01:32 编辑 ]