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发表于 2006-1-24 01:06:32
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改好了
不同意此观点
2 传统和现代化都对人们有益,如通信和交通的改善使人们生活变的方便, 艺术
3 传统和现代化不但可以并存,还可以相互影响 书籍和因特网
4 即使必须选择,人们也可以根据将两者的优点相结合constitutional monarchy monarchism republicanism
5 结论
Accompanied with the development of the world, tradition and modernization are become more and more significant in the society. [倒了 不明白世界发展和传统越来越重要有什么直接联系]Some sociologist[这句是restate the issue吧 但是题目没说是sociologist说的啊。。] claims that tradition and modernization are incompatible and people could[can] not combine them. I do not agree with it because I think[前面说do not agree已经表明这句话是你的观点 就不需要 I think了] tradition and modernization could[can] be united and make contributions to the world.
To begin with, both tradition and modernization would make good effort[这里什么意思?] for people. For one thing, the life of people becomes more and more convenient due a great part to modernization. For example, the development of transportation and communication make great improvement for our life. Hundreds years ago, Marco Polo, the famous Italian traveler, came to China by the Silk Road. At that time, the travel from Venice to Beijing cost him 10 years. But now Chinese could spend ten hours to Italy by airplane.[It costs people 10 hours to fly from China to Italy觉得主语用Chinese不好 感觉好像不是Chinese飞到Italy就不用10小时一样]It obviously shows that people would make[receive?] great benefits from modernization. For anther thing, tradition also makes contribution to modern society. As we know, many kinds of artwork such as canvas and sculpture still enrich our life. So we could conclude that both tradition and modernization play paramount and indispensable roles to our life.
Furthermore, tradition and modernization could not only coexist well, but also influence others. Along with the rapid change of life, tradition and modernization could help us to improve ourselves and the world. I could take the books and internet for a example. As we know, reading book is a traditional way to attain knowledge and surfing internet is the modern way to learning with higher technology. Although increasing students choose the modern way to study, it not means[does not mean!再让我看见这种错误!我就不改了:(] book will disappear now. According to the recent survey published by the famous magazine called Society, there are about ten billions of books printed in 2005. And then, we should notice that much information which was published by some website was digested from some popular books. At the same time, a majority of famous books are often enriched by internet. So it is[去掉is] evidently shows that tradition and modernization could develop together and contribute [to] each other.
In addition, even assuming that there is only one mode to choose between tradition and modernization, we could try a new way which would include the advantages of them.[我觉得这个主题句这样写不好 因为前面你一直说传统和现代化可以共处 这里忽然说必须选择 不大连贯 改成Even at rare times,tradition and modernization do conflict each other, and it seems we have to choose one from the two, there still exists a way which can integrate them together.大概这个意思 我也写不好] For instance, some years ago there is a debate for the government of country. Some people commend republicanism because it is democracy[democratic?] and egalitarian. But other people do not agree the commendation because they still support their king. In order to solve this problem, constitutional monarchy, a new constitution was born. It maintains the system of king due to the glory of kingdoms and promotes freedom and democracy as republican.
[例子很新颖!]
In conclusion, I think tradition and modernization are compatible and could be merged well. Due to the human and society needs, both tradition and modernization will play significant roles to[in] our life.
[我很好奇你用多少时间写的 觉得有些句子欠推敲 尤其有不可饶恕的语法错误!
整体还不错 3段层层递进 结构满清晰的 不过你的有些表达确实影响理解
最后提个问题 就是对modernization 我和你的理解不同 我觉得modernization特指20世纪以来科技 工业 社会的变化吧 从这个角度看 你那个constitutional monarchy的例子就不大恰当了 不过如果可以从很广泛的角度理解modernization 还是可以的
这个我也不确定到底应该怎么理解 希望大家指教!] |
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