issue10

ChunyanLi2005UID: 2124266

请大家多多指教！ 尽情批评， 还希望告诉我 文中的“中文”所对应的英文表达！！！多谢多谢各位牛人！

Title: "Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financal support they need in order to thrive, because it is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated."


Undoubtedly, government should support their major cities receive necessary finance in order to thrive, but not just because a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated in cities. Cultural traditions are not only generated in cities, what's more, they are even dimished there they have many forms and live in various fields. So the claim cannot hold up as it does.

Admittedly, some cities generated and also have developed many cultural traditions. Everybody knows the famous city, Beijing, the captital of China, is a city where exists many cultural heritages. The well-known architecture--Great World Wall, registers the history of the past and reflects the spirit of hardworking andtough of Chinese. "不蹬长城非好汉", it will never out of time, since everybody who has crimbed the Great World Wall, has the sense of success, confidence, and the excitement of looking all the things in eyes. Additionally, the Imperial Palace，颐和园，北海，etc, they are all nice heritages and reflect the skill of Chinese. Mayjor cities where many cultural heritages are reposed on, like Beijing, undoubtly, should be supported on finance to help them thrive.

However, not all the major cities are generated cultural traditions, so it will be not reasonal to support them, to the opposite, they just thrive well without financal support from goverment. ShangHai, also a major city in China, is just a good emample. It is a contemporary city and has no cultural architects , the cultural there trends to 多元化，since many foreigners have moved to live there and also bring their culture there, as a result, the culture there is not traditional, in other words, no cultural traditions exist there. What's more, the city developed well based on the transpotation to outside which has greatly help  developed its commerce. Goverment does not support finance to Shanghai, and it just does not need. Even it needs, it is just based on the development of the commerce of Shanghai, rather than the preseving the cultural traditions.

Most cultural traditions are not only generated in major cities, they live in many forms, so they exist in many ways of which, I think, the (cultural spirits and skills) are the most important values. When it refers to Chinese, many foreigner, will mention Li Xiao Long, and highly phraise his 功夫, further, they will talk about 中国工夫. Surely, 中国工夫 is one of the most valuable cultural traditions and has been developed very long, from Zhangshanfeng in the past to Chenglong, Lilianjie today. The spirits of a 习武之人 contain 坚韧，tough，brave, etc, and those can also teach everybody. Those cultural traditions not exist in any city, but they are generated in Chinese persons and pass down to Chinese persons. So in order to preserve cultural traditions, goverment should support some finance to them to develop these cultural traditions.
As analyzed in the above, we can easily seen that, first, cultural traditions are not primarily preserved and generated in cities, otherwise, most of them are preserved and generated in people, and the spirits of those people. To make sure a nation's cultural traditions be well preserved and generated, government should give finance to support everything that contains cultural traditions. In order to ensure major cities thrive well, goverment should give finance to them, not just considering of the aspects in cultural traditions, but some others, like development in commerce, industry, etc.

我的马甲UID: 2177806

之前最好给出中文提纲

Undoubtedly, government should support their major cities receive necessary finance in order to thrive, but not just because a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated in cities. Cultural traditions are not only generated in cities, what's 不正是，只有所有格时才用小逗号 more, they are even dimished there they have many forms and live in various fields. 两个动词无连词 So  过于口语话 the claim cannot hold up as it does.

Admittedly, some cities generated and also have developed many cultural traditions. Everybody knows 这里最好加个宾从的that，不然像病句 the famous city, Beijing, the captital of China, is a city where exists many cultural heritages 少there等词 . The well-known architecture--Great World Wall, registerswitnesses好些 the history of the past and reflects the spirit of hardworking andtough of Chinese. "不蹬长城非好汉 见过，但忘了，想起来告诉你", it will never out of time之前这里感觉口语性较强 , since everybody who has crimbed 用独立主格读起来更连贯，从句能不用就不用 the Great World Wall, has the sense of success, confidence, and the excitement of looking all the things in eyes 赘余，删之！. Additionally, the Imperial Palace，颐和园好像是summer palace ，北海 Beihai Park可能就行了？，etc, they are all nice heritages and reflect the skill of Chinese. Mayjor cities where many cultural heritages are reposed on, like Beijing, undoubtly, should be supported on finance to help them thrive. 作为ISSUE，第一段最大的问题是没有分析，并不是TS加例子加结论句就够了，far from that。

However, not all the major cities are generated cultural traditions, so 口语性的语言最好不要出现！ it will be not reasonal to support them, to the opposite, they just thrive well without financal support from goverment. ShangHai, also a major city in China, is just a good emample. It is a contemporary 不知置此欲表何意？ city and has no cultural architects用单数，前面有no=not any , the cultural there trends to 多元化 diversity（N.），since many foreigners 中国人自己看行，老外看会蒙的 have moved to live  -->migrated there and also bring their culture there, 这句话结束了，该另起一句了 as a result, the culture there is not traditional, in other words, 副词词组，需要连词，因为前后已经两个句子了 no cultural traditions exist there. What's more 不正式, the city developed well based on the transpotation to outside which has greatly help  developed its commerce. Goverment does not support finance to Shanghai, and it just does not need. Even it needs, it is just based on the development of the commerce of Shanghai, rather than the preseving the cultural traditions. 这段还不如上第一段了，连结论都没有

Most cultural traditions are not only generated in major cities, they live in many forms, so they exist in many ways of which, I think, the (cultural spirits and skills) are the most important values. 这句话有问题，拆拆会好些 When it refers 一般都是comes to Chinese, many foreigner, will mention Li Xiao Long 找找他的英文名，这么说老外可能不认识, and highly phraise his 功夫Chinese Gongfu , further, they will talk about 中国工夫. Surely, 中国工夫 is one of the most valuable cultural traditions and has been developed very long, from Zhangshanfeng in the past to Chenglong, Lilianjie today. The spirits of a 习武之人 contain 坚韧，tough，brave, etc, and those can also teach everybody. Those cultural traditions not exist in any city太武断了，他们知道的中国功夫大多是从好莱坞的电影中看到的，可银屏上的成龙也好，李连杰也好大多在城市取景，可能虎藏龙算是乡下了 , but they are generated in Chinese persons and pass down to Chinese persons 太拗口了. So in order to preserve cultural traditions, goverment should support some finance to them to develop these cultural traditions.除了上面的毛病外，例子举的不好。

As analyzed in the above, we can easily seen that, first, cultural traditions are not primarily preserved and generated in cities, otherwise[这是副词，这里需要连词], most of them are preserved and generated in people, and the spirits of those people. To make sure a nation's cultural traditions be well preserved and generated, government should give finance to support everything that contains cultural traditions. In order to ensure major cities thrive well, goverment should give finance to them, not just considering of the aspects in cultural traditions, but some others, like development in commerce, industry, etc.

也许作为一篇TWE，是不错的，但作为ISSUE，还不够。
分析没有，不论在例证前还是在例证后，尽量加入分析，从ISSUE的角度讲是必须加入分析。例子不在于详细说，故事讲的再好也是各例。
语言上的问题是口语化和不正式性太强了。另外从句用的较多而后置定语可以起同样的作用，从句尽量少用，长难句不代表从句，何况不需追求长难句。

好好看看ISSUE和TWE的区别，+U+U

ChunyanLi2005UID: 2124266

多谢你的批评指导  说的非常好 只是 我却不知怎么改 悲哀啊！有伯乐， 没千里马。。。。。

听你的劝告 try my best ,改过的 小毛病改了 大毛病还不知怎么去改  没思路

Undoubtedly, government should support their major cities receive necessary finance in order to thrive, but not just because a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated in cities. Cultural traditions are not only generated in cities, instead, they are even dimished there. Cultural traditions have many forms and live in various fields. As a result, I think the claim cannot hold up as it does.

Admittedly, some cities generated and also have developed many cultural traditions. Everybody knows the famous city, Beijing, the captital of China, is a city where exists many cultural heritages. The well-known architecture--Great World Wall, witnesses the history of the past and reflects the spirit such as hardworking and tough of Chinese. "不蹬长城非好汉", it will never out of time, since everybody who has crimbed the Great World Wall, has the sense of success, confidence, and the excitement of looking. Additionally, the Imperial Palace，Summer Palace，Beihai Park，etc, they are all nice heritages and reflect the skill of Chinese. Mayjor cities where many cultural heritages are reposed on, like Beijing, undoubtly, should be supported on finance to help them thrive.

However, not all the major cities are generated cultural traditions, forasmuch, it will be not reasonal to support them, to the opposite, they just thrive well without financal support from goverment. ShangHai, also a major city in China, is just a good emample. It is a modern city and has no cultural architect, the cultural there trends to diversity，since many foreigners  have migrated and brought their culture there. As a result, the culture there is not traditional, in other words,  no cultural traditions exist there. Additionally, the city developed well basing on the convenient transpotation open to outside which has greatly helped develop its commerce. Goverment does not support finance to Shanghai, and it just need not. Even if it needs, it is just based on the development of the commerce of Shanghai, rather than the preseving the cultural traditions.

Most cultural traditions are not only generated in major cities, they live in many forms, so they exist in many ways of which, I think, the (cultural spirits and skills) are the most important values. When refers to Chinese, many foreigner, will mention Li Xiao Long  and highly phraise his gest, further, they will talk about Chinese martial art. Surely, Chinese martial art is one of the most valuable cultural traditions and has been developed very long, from Zhangsanfeng in the past to Chenglong, Lilianjie today. The spirits of a 习武之人 contain tenacity，tough，brave, etc, and those can also teach everybody. Those cultural traditions not exist in any city, but they are generated in Chinese persons and pass down to Chinese persons. So in order to preserve cultural traditions, goverment should support some finance to them to develop these cultural traditions.

As analyzed in the above, we can easily seen that, first, cultural traditions are not primarily preserved and generated in cities, otherwise, most of them are preserved and generated in people, and the spirits of those people. To make sure a nation's cultural traditions be well preserved and generated, government should give finance to support everything that contains cultural traditions. In order to ensure major cities thrive well, goverment should give finance to them, not just considering of the aspects in cultural traditions, but some others, like development in commerce, industry, etc.