issue207 我怎么总觉得没话说呢 敬请指点~~~

bunnymz2005UID: 2146758

【题目】Issue207（2005年2-9月总频25次）
"Rituals and ceremonies help define a culture. Without them, societies or groups of people have a diminished sense of who they are."
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【翻译】  
礼节和典礼有助于定义一个文化。如果没有这些，社会或者团体就会逐渐地迷失自我。*********************************************************
【提纲】
观点：礼节和典礼有助于定义一个文化，但并不是一个文化的全部。很多时候，社会或者团体可以通过语言和艺术来定义自己。
1 首先，礼节和典礼作为文化的一部分自然是有助于定义一个文化的。这样的礼节和典礼由一个社会中的大多数人share，并且将他们紧紧地结合在一起，表达出共同的ideas, objects, feelings and behaviors。比如圣诞节
2 特别的，对于仪式，作为宗教的一部分，往往标定了自身的宗教文化，一种subculture.比如基督教去教堂，做礼拜，不工作（身边的例子）
3 然而，对于一个文化来说，仪式和典礼只是文化中的一部分。人们还可以通过语言和艺术等等来establish their personal and group identity Beijing Opera
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【正文】
Culture, in the present day, usually refers to the patterns of behavior and thinking that people living in social groups learn, create, and share, which not only distinguishes on human group from others but also humans from other animals. Concerning the culture, the author asserts that since Rituals and ceremonies help define a culture, the lack of them would surely confuse societies or groups of people and invite a extinction of diversified culture. This view, in my opinion, is narrow-minded in neglecting the other forms also contribute to define a culture. To further shore up my viewpoint, I would present the analysis in details as below.

To begin with, rituals and ceremonies, as a part-and-parcel of the culture, naturally serve to distinguish one culture from others. With rituals and ceremonies, people living in a society would share the same beliefs, feelings, ideas, behaviors, which tie them up together and also show them the conspicuous existence of their culture. In order to understand this point, one need merely look at no further than the Observance of Christmas Day in the United States. On that special and shared day, people in the US, young or old, rich or poor, would prey piously for a good new year, feel quite happy and also eager to hang on the stockings near the furbish, and of course, the Santa Clause should not be neglected. In a not dissimilar manner, people in China also have special rituals and ceremonies, say, dumplings or fireworks when welcoming the new spring festival. These two examples aptly illustrate that people, immersing in the same culture, often understand or accept it via specific rituals and ceremonies.

In particular, the rituals, more often than not, play a instrumental role in the religions, which also contribute to establish an so-called subculture. Consider the Christians, who have a pious belief in God and Jesus, often go to church every Saturday, prey for the good things or beg the relief for committing something wrong. By doing that, a group of people would assure themselves their perseverant belief, say here, in God and also know more about their religion culture or so-called subculture.

In the final analysis, although rituals and ceremonies benefit a lot to define a culture or even a subculture, they can nevertheless not represent full meanings and essences of culture. Admittedly, nowadays with the development of technology and science, culture also involves in the trend of globalization. As a consequence, people in China would eat hamburgers while people in American would also use chopsticks. However, the author fails to take into account the other dimensions that also help to distinguish a culture, say, art. Art, as an important component of culture, tends to enrich cultures and present the pursuit of what is eternal and universal--beauty. From this visual angle, the art can also ensure people the understanding and orientation of themselves and their culture. Beijing Opera, for example, can illustrate this point best. Beijing Opera, as the treasure of China, is popular with people throughout the nation. People prefer to appreciate Beijing Opera and even can sing Beijing Opera personally, which, at least partly, express the favor of Chinese toward their longest culture in the world. In short, people can also develop a sense of who they are and even reinforce the cognition of their own culture by the means of art in spite of rituals and ceremonies.

To sum up, from the analysis above, we can confidently draw the conclusion that rituals and ceremonies, though help in a large part to define the unique feature of a culture, can not separately make up a complete culture. In order to better define a culture, art can also be a saga choice in that the art in different culture is often unique.

lawrence1984UID: 178326

我先找个修改软件，一会发上来。

lawrence1984UID: 178326

issue207 我怎么总觉得没话说呢 敬请指点~~~

【题目】Issue207（2005年2-9月总频25次）
"Rituals and ceremonies help define a culture. Without them, societies or groups of people have a diminished sense of who they are."
***********************************************************
【翻译】  
礼节和典礼有助于定义一个文化。如果没有这些，社会或者团体就会逐渐地迷失自我。*********************************************************
【提纲】
观点：礼节和典礼有助于定义一个文化，但并不是一个文化的全部。很多时候，社会或者团体可以通过语言和艺术来定义自己。
1 首先，礼节和典礼作为文化的一部分自然是有助于定义一个文化的。这样的礼节和典礼由一个社会中的大多数人share，并且将他们紧紧地结合在一起，表达出共同的ideas, objects, feelings and behaviors。比如圣诞节
2 特别的，对于仪式，作为宗教的一部分，往往标定了自身的宗教文化，一种subculture.比如基督教去教堂，做礼拜，不工作（身边的例子）
3 然而，对于一个文化来说，仪式和典礼只是文化中的一部分。人们还可以通过语言和艺术等等来establish their personal and group identity Beijing Opera（我认为提纲的分析很全面。）
******************************************************
【正文】
Culture, in the present day, usually refers to the patterns of behavior and thinking that people living in social groups learn, create, and share, which not only distinguishes on human group from others but also humans from other animals.（背景以及定义式开头，很好！） Concerning the culture, the author asserts that since Rituals（这里用大写？） Sample Textand ceremonies help define a culture, the lack of them would surely confuse societies or groups of people and invite a extinction of diversified culture. This view, in my opinion, is narrow-minded in neglecting the other forms（that或者把contribute改称contributing） also contribute to define a culture. To further shore up my viewpoint, I would present the analysis in details as below.（开头比以前改进了很多，就显得充实多了。）

To begin with, rituals and ceremonies, as a part-and-parcel of the culture, naturally serve to distinguish one culture from others. With rituals and ceremonies, people living in a society would share the same beliefs, feelings, ideas, behaviors, which tie them up together and also show them the conspicuous existence of their culture. In order to understand this point, one need merely look at no further than the Observance of Christmas Day in the United States. On that special and shared day, people in the US, young or old, rich or poor, would prey piously for a good new year, feel quite happy and also eager to hang on the stockings near the furbish, and of course, the Santa Clause should not be neglected. In a not dissimilarmanner,（很好的过渡！） people in China also have special rituals and ceremonies, say, dumplings or fireworks when welcoming （我觉得这个地方有问题，不如用they welcome 或者they celebrate好些）the new（new没必要） spring festival. These two examples aptly illustrate that people, immersing in the same culture, often understand or accept it via specific rituals and ceremonies.（这段的例子举的很到位，在句式上适当的利用的标点来明了句子结构，是很好的

In particular, the rituals, more often than not, play a instrumental role in the religions, which also contribute to establish an（a） so-called subculture. Consider the Christians, who have a pious belief in God and Jesus, often go to church every Saturday, prey for the good things or beg the relief for committing something wrong. By doing that, a group of people would assure themselves their perseverant belief, say here, in God and also know more about their religion culture or so-called subculture.

（HOWEVER），（提纲中的转折说明你的论述重点放在不同意的方面，这方面的文字可以适当多写点。当然写成平衡结构也可以，但是把转折词提到前面可以给考官更清晰的展示文章的结构，当然你的也没有问题，你可以批判吸收！ ）In the final analysis, although rituals and ceremonies benefit a lot to define a culture or even a subculture, they can nevertheless not represent full meanings and essences of culture. Admittedly, nowadays with the development of technology and science, culture also involves in the trend of globalization. As a consequence, people in China would eat hamburgers while people in American would also use chopsticks. However, the author fails to take into account the other dimensions that also help to distinguish a culture, say, art. Art, as an important component of culture, tends to enrich cultures and present the pursuit of what is eternal and universal--beauty. From this visual angle, the art can also ensure people the understanding and orientation of themselves and their culture. Beijing Opera, for example, can illustrate this point best. Beijing Opera, as the treasure of China, is popular with people throughout the nation. People prefer to appreciate Beijing Opera and even can sing Beijing Opera personally, which, at least partly, express the favor of Chinese toward their longest culture in the world. In short, people can also develop a sense of who they are and even reinforce the cognition of their own culture by the means of art in spite of rituals and ceremonies. （这段在论证上没有什么问题，逻辑上是完整的。）

To sum up, from the analysis above, we can confidently draw the conclusion that rituals and ceremonies, though help in a large part to define the unique feature of a culture, can not separately make up a complete culture. In order to better define a culture, art can also be a saga choice in that the art in different culture is often unique.
结尾很简洁，而且概括的内容很多，文章总体看来很好，我没有细看文章的语句，只是看了总体的结构，所以句法和词法的问题还要靠高手来看，你还可以收集一些关于艺术的资料以利以后利用。继续努力！
没有找到软件，只好发到你邮箱了。

[ 本帖最后由 lawrence1984 于 2006-2-15 18:12 编辑 ]