arugment73 同主题,非常语无伦次,求批.

savagettUID: 2134686

TOPIC: Argument 73
"Ten years ago, long-term car leasing became available in our country of Mohilia as an alternative to outright car ownership, and leasing has steadily risen in popularity. For each of the last five years, the number
of people leasing new cars has surpassed the number buying new cars. The average age of cars driven in Mohilia is six years; hence, if new car leases again outnumber purchases this year, it is likely that the majority
of drivers will be driving leased, not individually owned, cars. Therefore, we should change the focus of our business from selling cars to leasing them."
限时写的时候理由没找足够，回头看了参考再写的，有点乱。
第一： 数据不可靠。租车的人每年都多，因为租期只有一年，所以一直比较多。
第二：过去五年不代表将来，以后人家还是会买车。
第三：转到了租车市场不会赚很多钱

The speaker suggests their business should focus on leasing cars rather than selling cars. The suggestion  is mainly based on the trend which the speaker observes that more people are leasing cars in Mohilia, and the speaker concludes that the majority of drivers will be driving leased cars, so they should change the business. Nevertheless, the suggestion is not as justifiable as it stands.

Firstly, the arguer cites that the number of people leasing cars has been soared during each of the last five years, which overtook the number of buying new cars, as the evidence for the trend more people is leasing cars. However, it is entirely possible that the lease term is one year, so that they have to re-lease it every year. While those who buy cars will not buy a new car every year. Therefore, the number of leasing cars is always beyond than buying cars. Or, the difference in number between leasing cars and buying cars is so little that it is insufficient to prove the trend. Neglecting these scenarios, the speak draws his conclusion with out reliable facts, and his suggestion turning the business to lease cars to make more profits is unporper.

Secondly, in the past five years, even if the trend that people prefer leasing cars is prevailing, hardly can the speaker suggest that it will be the same situation in the next years. People leasing cars rather than buying  cars in the past mighty attribute to several reasons. Perhaps, buying cars used to pay by installments with a high interests, but now the banks lower the interests, therefore more people will choose to buy a new car then. At that time, leasing new cars will lose the market, so if the business changed to leasing car, they would not necessarily earn more.

What’s more, supposing the trend is more costumers are willing to lease cars, the advice that they should turn to the market is not persuasive. As common knowledge and experience informs us, leasing cars could not earn more than selling cars. The profits of renting  ten cars might be fewer than selling one car. Therefore, there is no need for them to focus on the leasing car market in order to make more profits.

To sum up, the suggestion that they should turn to leasing cars as their major business is less credible. To better bolster the suggestion, the speaker should offer the specific statistic for the number of leasing cars, and find out the fundamental reason for people choosing leasing cars than buying ones . What's more, predicable evidence need to be presented to fully illustrate that the business will be better if they turn to the leasing cars market.

11yaoyaoUID: 177037

挖卡卡,我占个位子

因为山下智久

PS我也喜欢龟梨和也啊

[ 本帖最后由 11yaoyao 于 2006-2-11 01:05 编辑 ]

11yaoyaoUID: 177037

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... =1&highlight=73

The speaker suggests that最好不省略 their business should focus on leasing cars rather than selling cars. The suggestion  is mainly based on the trend which the speaker observes that more people are leasing cars in Mohilia, and the speaker concludes that the majority of drivers will be driving leased cars, so they should change the business. Nevertheless, the suggestion is not as justifiable as it stands.开头还是有复述题目的倾向，直接说有错误不是很简单么？题目考官比你我还明白呢不是？

Firstly, the arguer cites that the number of people leasing cars has been soared during each of the last five years, which overtook the number of buying new cars, as the evidence for the trend more people is leasing cars. 我也觉得每个段落的第一句应该直接指出逻辑错误，然后再进行讨论，主要是比较省事，以后的攻击都有针对性。可是这句话真的有点罗嗦了，简洁点比较好However, it is entirely possible that the lease term is one year, so that they have to re-lease it every year. While those who buy cars will not buy a new car every year. Therefore, the number of leasing cars is always beyond than语法错误 buying cars. Or这样的用法多在口语, the difference in number between leasing cars and buying cars is so little that it is insufficient to prove the trend. 这句话很象是主观的臆断，还是用事实说话比较好哦，批判的是论据，所以要有针对性Neglecting these scenarios, the speak draws his conclusion with out reliable facts, and his suggestion turning the business to lease cars to make more profits is unporper.

Secondly, in the past five years, even if the trend that people prefer leasing cars is prevailing, hardly can the speaker suggest that it will be the same situation in the next years. People leasing cars rather than buying  cars in the past mighty attribute to several reasons.没有详细的说明，这些“REASONS”，既然有“SEVERAL”做引子，为什么不列举几个呢？ Perhaps这样的字眼少出来比较好，自己都没有自信啊, buying cars used to pay by installments with a high interests, but now the banks lower the interests, therefore more people will choose to buy a new car then.这样的想法还 比较好的，楼主是想通过这个句子来进一步说明。我觉得挺好 At that time, leasing new cars will完全的臆断，还是要落到实处，针对问题来说比较好 lose the market, so if the business changed to leasing car, they would not necessarily earn more.

What’s more, supposing the trend is more costumers are willing to lease cars, the advice that they should turn to the market is not persuasive. As common knowledge and experience informs 不可能是单数 us, leasing cars could not earn more than selling cars. The profits of renting  ten cars might be fewer than selling one car. Therefore, there is no need for them to focus on the leasing car market in order to make more profits.其实还可以再深入点展开的，这样就收场，有点草率，其实第二段攻击段的那样批驳，就满好的。当然，不要每段都那样写，换着方法说，可以看看我给你的连接，那是篇很好的A文章，也是同一个题目

To sum up, the suggestion that they should turn to leasing cars as their major business is less credible. To better bolster the suggestion, the speaker should offer the specific statistic for the number of leasing cars, and find out the fundamental reason for people choosing leasing cars than buying ones . What's more, predicable evidence need to be presented to fully illustrate that the business will be better if they turn to the leasing cars market. 不如干脆的说，这个A错误百出，就完了，最多提点点建议，前面的那些段落总结都可以省略了。还能跟开头照应
A ZA A ZA FIGHTING！加油哦

[ 本帖最后由 11yaoyao 于 2006-2-11 01:39 编辑 ]

savagettUID: 2134686

谢谢大人的修改.
给的那篇链接我读过了,观点很特别,思路非常开阔.
可是我还是有一个问题,那篇文中提到的不也是一种假设的情况么,可能那座城市是旅游城市,可能那里主要是青年消费者
我好像抓不住落到实处的关键的方法
例
At that time, leasing new cars will完全的臆断，还是要落到实处，针对问题来说比较好 lose the market, so if the business changed to leasing car, they would not necessarily earn more.

这里,怎么做才算是落到实处来写呢?
还有,好多范文都习惯用perhaps来引出其他可能假设来驳斥原文,如果不用perhaps还能用什么比较好呢?it's entirley possible?
再次感谢分析.

ps : 比起KAME,我更喜欢P~~~