Issue154 K战队作业2.12 by thumit

thumitUID: 2131186

Issue154
"Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators."

觉得这一篇十分难写，也不知道是不是我不够几种的原因，例子没有想到什么好的，论证也不是很深入，还是多看看大家的学习一下吧：）

Agree
1. professional educators是有一定的作用的（是否是必需的？）
系统性的教育+高的知识水平
2. parents对education的作用
针对性的教育+便利性（一起的时间长啊）+家长的监督和资助
3. community对education的作用
学生终将走向社区，平常参与一些社区的活动有助于培养他们的社会责任感+增进对社会的了解+贫困生的资助

Local schools are an important part of education system to a society and community. When it comes to the issue of the involvement of parents and communities to local schools, the speaker thinks that this involvement is necessary, for education could not leave solely to professional educators. As I think, the speaker is right, for it is well supported by the following reasons.

Admittedly, professional educators in local schools play an important part in educating a child. There are two kinds of education: formal education, which is a systematic and thorough  education by the education system, local schools included, and informal education, which is not so systematic and thorough as formal education. Usually, professional educators, in local schools can provide their students with formal education, that is, a curriculum to impart the skills and models of thought considered essential for social functioning. This kind of education is crucial to students for it makes students adapted to the society.

Yet professional educators cannot provide all that a student need in his/her education, which could be complemented by parents and communities.

Parents  should be involved in the local schools. There is a saying (and I paraphrase):"Parents are the best teachers." To a student, most of his/her time is spent with his/her parents , from the time born, much more than that with professional educators. Also, parents know their own children more thoroughly than teachers in local schools. Thus they can conveniently provide a more profound education to their children, especially in aspects other than knowledge in books. Furthermore, parents have the responsibility to help the education in local schools. They can help teachers to know their children's characteristic, such as aspiration, advantages and disadvantages, so that teachers can teach students in accordance of their aptitude; they can invest in the schools so that students have a better education circumstance; they can provide some useful advices to local schools. Local schools, as a form of education, need the involvement of parents.

Communities are another important part in education. To students in local schools, they will walk into communities in their future. Taking part in some social work can help students to be familiar with communities, and also help to form the consciousness of responsibility. It is difficult for a student to be acquainted with the society only by means of professional educators, who tell them an indirect comprehension of the society. Also, communities have the capacity to support students who cannot afford the tuition.

In sum, education is a complex process requiring the involvement and cooperation of professional educators, parents and communities. Without one of the three pars, education would be hardly achieve its purpose.
(442words)

[ 本帖最后由 thumit 于 2006-2-13 23:44 编辑 ]

paopaofynUID: 2124302

taken~~~~~~~~~~~~~

paopaofynUID: 2124302

wish these may help :)

154"Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators."
Agree
1. professional educators是有一定的作用的（是否是必需的？）在你的文章里是有的:)
系统性的教育+高的知识水平
2. parents对education的作用
针对性的教育+便利性（一起的时间长啊）+家长的监督和资助
3. community对education的作用
学生终将走向社区，平常参与一些社区的活动有助于培养他们的社会责任感+增进对社会的了解+贫困生的资助

Local schools are an important part of education system to a society and community. When it comes to the issue of the involvement of parents and communities to 加上the local schools, 是否可以改为whether parents and communities should be involved in the local schools,以避免和后面的重复 the speaker thinks that this involvement is their involvements are necessary, for education could not leave solely to professional educators. As I think, the speaker is right, for it is well supported by the following reasons.

Admittedly, professional educators in local schools play an important part in educating a child. There are two kinds of education: formal education, which is a systematic and thorough education by the education system, local schools included, and informal education, which is not so systematic and thorough as formal education. 认为此句可以拆成短句子，There are two kinds of education: formal education and informal education. The former one is … , the later one is … Usually, professional educators, in local schools can provide their students with formal education, that is, a curriculum to impart the skills and models of thought considered essential for social functioning. This kind of education is crucial to students for it makes students adapted to the society.
通过分类 （classification），对比（contrast）来论证，八错，赞一个

Yet professional educators cannot provide all that a student need in his/her education, which could be complemented by parents and communities.是不是应该先再上一段，指出iformer eduction是profeeional educator所不能满足的，再在这段里提哈他们是填补informer education这一空缺的

加上连词，on the first place, 这样的话，衔接会好些Parents should be involved in the local schools. There is a saying (and I paraphrase):"Parents are the best teachers." To a student, most of his/her time is spent with his/her parents, from the time 加上he or she was born, much more than that 不用that了吧？ with professional educators. Also, 用连词Hence吧，以表明于前者有因果关系 parents know their own children more thoroughly than teachers in local schools. Thus they can conveniently provide a more profound education to their children, especially in aspects other than knowledge in books. Furthermore, parents have the responsibility to help the education in local schools. They can help teachers to know their children's characteristic, such as aspiration, advantages and disadvantages, so that teachers can teach students in accordance of their aptitude; they can invest in the schools so that students have a better education circumstance; they can provide some useful advices to local schools. Local schools, as a form of education, need the involvement of parents. 用了排比句式，好！
They can help teachers to know their children's characteristic, such as aspiration, advantages and disadvantages, so that teachers can teach students in accordance of their aptitude; 认为这一句应该放在前面，作为parents利用自己比教育家知道得多的优势，来发挥己长

同上，on the second placeCommunities are another important part in education. ToAs students in local schools, 加上one day会不会好些they will walk into communities in their future. Taking part in some social work can help students to be familiar with communities, and also help them to form the consciousness of responsibility. It is difficult for a student to be acquainted with the society only by means of professional educators, who tell them an indirect comprehension of the society. Also, communities have the capacity to support students who cannot afford the tuition. 可否你不论述你的观点呢？

In sum, education is a complex process requiring the involvement and cooperation of professional educators, parents and communities. Without one of the three pars, education would be去掉be hardly achieve its purpose.
我发现越是我们熟悉的东西，我们就越是难论证，不知道为什么就是很难有话说:(
你的文章用词啦，语法啦，都很好，向你学习，嘿嘿
但是，文章的连贯性也很重要，加几个连词就不一样了

thumitUID: 2131186

呵呵，谢谢paopaofyn ,我会努力的。

这篇文章是在宿舍条件极为恶劣的情况下熬制出来的，本来都不想放上来了。再次谢谢paopaofyn的详细改进