Issue154 义无返顾小组第六次作业

glxingUID: 2156425

小蜗牛批改kitty

(1)教育不能只依靠专业教育者，学校教育有其自身局限性；
(2)家长在孩子教育中的重要性；
(3)社区同样发挥重要作用；


Some people maintain that parents and communities have played a significant role in children's in influencing the development of an individual and even the society,,so they are as important as the professional educator .As far as I am concerned, I agree with the statement totally,for it has merits as a comprehensive standpoint.点明了态度，但是还需要在改进一下开头（这是我们大家的通病）

The primary reason why I emphasis the significance of parents and communities in education is that school education, featuring largely in its cycle of instructions 什么意 思?, and machine-made text books, which are carefully worked out in routine, neglects the essence of education.  Education, rather than impart knowledge and skills to students in, in the end should address to shape 是用shaping吗？ personality, forge ethics, train and teach a person how to appreciate truth, virtue, beauty and how to esteem human dignity. The purpose is to "make all strengths of individuals into a loftiest and most harmonious whole”. Unfortunately, we find weak sign in school nowadays. It seems that the rewarding of the school education is only a swarm of graduators with good records and all kinds of certifications, unable to live up to the standard discussed above. 绝对了吧 Consequently, it is necessary to return to other methods assistant to school education.  
这儿你重点强调学校的不好，但是我认为应该把学校的优点也写出来——老师可以指导学生更有效，更科学的学习，毕竟题目不是说应该废除学校改为家庭和社区教育而是他们同样重要。
As one famous philosopher has said: The first teacher of an individual is his mother. This saying indicates before government education agencies affect child, parents are of great importance in enlightening. People, when they are very young, always imitate their parents' behaviors and words, regarding them as the criterion in life. In turn, most parents do their endeavors to impasse traditional virtue to their children.
？？？？？？？为什么写这么少？你也太不拿ets当回事了！

Apparently, there is more than one reasons for us to focus on community . It has been taken for grunted granted that a community has impact on the quality of an individual. Firstly, it can offer financial support to local schools. Some ragged school are supported by the local charities, and the tax revenue from the community often be used tothe poverties as their education fees; Secondly, for everyone is belonging to a certain community. his virtue and idea are potentially affected by the environment around him. Supposing a  community with  good environment, it will raise the awareness of its inhabitants that they are the integral parts of the community. and should not do anything to jeopardize the harmonious. So when the residents come to society, they always insist on this virtue, keeping good relationship with the surroundings. The community is served as a bridge linking the personal life and social life in this sense. Last but not the least, for some job-oriented education, a community can provide practical opportunities. It is universal for west countries children to sent newspapers or weed grass for neighbors. Some of the jobs are free, but it can foster children the sense of responsibilities and socialibilities. Insofar I can see, the function of a community is no less meaningful than a school in cultivating a person's characterisctic.这一段写了很多，但是稍显罗嗦，你可以精简一下，提炼出自己的观点然后再举例支持，否则，就有argument之嫌了
In sum, only with the assistance of parents and communities, can school satisfy the ending aim of the society. In turn, by means of professional educators, can we acquire the advanced information and technology . Overweight either side will lead to destroy to our society.
kitty，你的语言问题不大，还是逻辑性不够。而且整篇的结构不太好，你回头看一下，第三段和第四段太不协调了。论证的也没有足够的例子支持，写了很多但显得很苍白，应该好好琢磨琢磨。
自己人，拍得狠一点了

天边一朵云UID: 2157330

TOPIC: ISSUE154 - "Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators."
提纲：态度（大部分同意）
1、        父母和社会的参与将会给学生带来很多好处
2、        如果没有学校的参与将会导致的后果（写错了哈，是没有社区和父母的参与）
3、        父母和社会的参与是需要在某些条件下进行的
The author asserts that education is so important that both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools rather than only needing a group of professional educators to teach students. I agree with this viewpoint in large part. In my view, parents and communities may be unnecessary to join in the local schools in some circumstance. （这里先说明自己同意题目的什么再加上自己的观点要好一些）Admittedly, both  parents and（去掉） take part in teaching students can benefit students a lot. Parents are the earliest teachers for almost every child, after all, children can also learn to speak, walk and do other important things, such as leaning how to respect other persons, from their parents. communities are also teachers for  students, because they impart students how to make friends with each other, how to deal with the same things confronted by students, and how to use other persons' experience to achieve their projects. So if parents and  communities join in teaching students, the students can obtain a lot of moral education which can be learnt a little from the school education, and they can also enlarge their communication scope, and get some experience to reach their aims.（理由写得很不错呢，学习！）

Moreover, if only a group of professional educators to teach students without both parents and communities taking part in teaching students, students will perhaps make mistakes or be different from others. Without teaching of their parents, Students, especially those young students, are often difficult in control themselves in several aspects. For example, they may be addicted to playing games, even committing a crime. A national survey instructed by my school concerning those students who are single children , who live in single parents families and whose lives and study are lack of supervision, indicates that these students tend to be without activity or passive（passion）, and often make mistakes, for example, fighting against other students and even getting into circumstance full of improbity and violence. （最后这句话太长了，层次不是很清楚，应该分开来说。而且还有一些语法错误，我就不一一说了，要自己检查一下哟）
However, parents and communities do not have to join in the local schools in some circumstance. For example, while the schools teach students a lot of special courses , and while the schools make their education schemes. If parents and communities take part in the local schools in such circumstance, they will have not any help for not only the education of students but also the local schools, in contrast, they will disturb the schools’ education projects and increase the local schools’ burden.

In sum , parents and communities are involved in the local schools can make profits for both students and schools. However, parents and communities should take something into account rather than joining in local schools with rudeness.

总结：PK的文章结构我很喜欢，条理非常清楚，而且在论述时举的例子也都很好，我都没有想到。感觉如果再能说一下学校的重要性就更好了，可以根据时间来定。只是语言方面还有些欠缺，感觉是想用长句子，但写出来的长句子不太有层次，另外还有语法错误，这个我觉得应该写完自己先读一下，看顺不顺。因为我觉得改作文最重要的是看思路够不够清楚，所以语法错误我没有太改。总的来说还是挺不错的!加油！
对了，你的提纲前两条都写错了。。。。和你自己的文章内容不符，我帮你改了

天边一朵云UID: 2157330

因为明天还有事，可能没时间上网，我先把第六次作业总结一下。这次题目我个人觉得挺简单的，不是很难想（虽然我写了一下午。。）
完成情况是小蜗牛天边， kitty，pk，yuvi,目前只有我和小蜗牛完成批改任务，其他人还有加油啊！
这已经是我们第六次作业了！大家都很辛苦，但我相信读者自己写出的文章即使再烂还是很有成就感的，所以我们要继续义无反顾，杀向ETS！！i

yuviUID: 2169411

云MM的:

Education is the key word in human civilization process, because it make the accumulation and inheriting of knowledge possible and help students become autonomous, creative, inquiring people who have the will and intelligence to create their own destiny.  Due to the extreme significance of education, it calls for a combination of professional educators, parents and community  to realize its final purpose.

Teachers play a vital role in education,since they can provide the most professional instruction to students in not only knowledge but also  the philosophy of life. (第一观点：老师的作用，不仅仅教导知识，还有人生哲理)An expert once conducted an experiment to examing the impact of a single first-grade teacher on her students' subsequent adult status. He choosed （chose）two teachers who were obviously different in their teaching abilities and followed their students from the age of 6 to 35. The result was surprising:  The number of students, taught by the better teachers, who had a relatively high social status（高等的社会地位？这里不是太明白..） are much larger than the second group of students. This self-evident experiment tells us that a good and professional teacher can really generate great impact on her students （students’）lives while a inferior one may generate the converse effect. Students spend most of their everyday life at school（美国社会里学生一般课后的时间很多，以中学为例：下午几乎两点就没课了~~所以不能以偏盖全了哈）, thus teachers are the ones who contact them most and teach them most, influence them most and answer their questions quickest. （和西方社会的观念有出入哈） From this point of view, an education without professional educators will be on a large extent half-baked.（感觉例子提的不错，就是后面的评论有点脱离例证，自话自说了。。）
However, we should always keep in mind that it is far from adequacy with the only help of teachers.（这里说家长的重要性，应该和上个观点是平行的概念吧？为什么要用however呢？） Just as the old saying goes, parents are the children's first teachers（呵呵，这句话我也写了） This is true because when students are young, they all adore and even worship their parents who are the most intimate people in their lives, and imitate their parents’ behaviors unconsciously. Therefore, parents can exert much more influence on their children sometimes from living habits, hobbies and views towards life. （恩，有道理）There are numerous examples that the children inherited their father or mother's professions. Take Beethoven as an example. His father was a musician in the royal court and forced him to practice play organ everyday. Though his father's harsh discipline and alcoholism made his childhood and adolescence difficult, he was able to become one of the greatest masters of composers in the world. Some other similar examples such as the prominent litterateur Dumas and his son indicate that parents’ involvement in education, especially initiatory education is totally necessary in a person's life.（例子都不错，就是这里似乎少个结尾句）
There is another crucial factor contributing to a favorable education: community, which is often be ignored by most of the people. A good community can create a benifitial （beneficial ）atmosphere that helps students to form good living habits. There was a story happened to Mencius, Chinese distinguished Confucian philosopher.（孟母三迁的例子？呵呵，想得不错，似乎也可以放在父母在教育中的重要性来说） In his childhood, his mother moved their houses as many as three times to find a suitable place to educate him. Their first house was located around a fair and the second one beside a theater which were too noisy to concentrate. Their third house, where his mother decided to settle down was near a school of which the general quiet environment help Mencius to write his masterpiece"Mencius".Besides a general environment, the community has the power to build some public  educational establishments including library to provide students a better condition of education.（例子很不错，就是论证似乎少了点，觉得例子和你的观点有点点脱节了）
In spite of the importance of parents and community, we must be aware of the possible side-effect resulted from them, for they are far from professional educators and is likely to bring about bad consequences. For example, some parents are tend to spoil their children. They do everything according to their desires, such as buy all the fancy clothes and toys and connivance all their mistakes. Some parents, on the contrary, may have violent inclination so that they always punish their children by force. It is the same with a community which is easy to gather a group of students who imitate each other's bad behaviors, resulting in juvenile delinquency.（恩，让步段）
To sum up, to provide the students a well education, professional educators, parents and community must all work together to make up each other's shortage. At the same time, we should be cautious about the likely unfavorable effect brought by parents and community.


总结：
云MM写了快700字，先景仰一下~~~
文章内容满充实的，例子都想得不错，论证的过程也挺好的。。恩不知道是不是限时写的呢？如果是，那就真的是PFPF拉~~
:):)算是比较好的习作了吧。学习ing。。

yuviUID: 2169411

对了,还有一点忘记说了:
TO 云MM:从几次作业里我都发现你有几次都是以中式思维来想一些西方社会里不存在的问题
以举例子为由:这次你说学生待在学校里的时间多,所以受老师影响多,但是实际上这个观念就有点主观了.
还有一次issue你写了"大学要能够让学生自由选择感兴趣的课程"
但是现在很多大学的确就是这样的教育体系(高中也有课程是可以自由选择的).

所以我觉得你在这方面还是要注意一下..避免一些观念的冲突.:)

yuviUID: 2169411

原帖由 calsunny 于 2006-5-18 01:27 发表
芹菜得去看看让步段应该怎么写，不能将自己上面写的东西全盘否定掉，而是应该从侧面为自己的论文服务的-------精华区有相关文章，只是在稍微后面。

恩,谢谢calsunny的意见,我是觉得越写越对自己的写作没有信心..
看来还是得多读一些别人写得好的东西,要多方面吸收..呵呵,非常感谢你的话:):)

kittywen_16UID: 2135347

嗯，蜗牛说得有道理，语言方面是因为没有限时，可以慢慢考虑，如果考试，还是很有问题。例证方面，我还是需要多看看素材。

calsunnyUID: 2163431

原帖由 yuvi 于 2006-5-19 03:30 发表



恩,谢谢calsunny的意见,我是觉得越写越对自己的写作没有信心..
看来还是得多读一些别人写得好的东西,要多方面吸收..呵呵,非常感谢你的话:):)

没有关系的，因为正好看过。大意应该是为自己中心服务的，就是尽管有例外，但是例外不会影响我的结论，或者从侧面证明了我的结论。

我一直觉得你们干劲都很足的样子，坚持下去肯定会有很大进步，最终一定会有理想的成绩的。

因为你们小组这两次写的我以前都已经写过，所以就没有跟上你们一起写。结果反倒懈怠了。最怕作文，怕阅读，就是不想写，也不想读！

着急啊！

glxingUID: 2156425

这次的作业该由谁来总结？芹菜。

yuviUID: 2169411

原帖由 calsunny 于 2006-5-19 12:55 发表


没有关系的，因为正好看过。大意应该是为自己中心服务的，就是尽管有例外，但是例外不会影响我的结论，或者从侧面证明了我的结论。

我一直觉得你们干劲都很足的样子，坚持下去肯定会有很大进步，最终一定会有理想的成绩的。

因为你们小组这两次写的我以前都已经写过，所以就没有跟上你们一起写。结果反倒懈怠了。最怕作文，怕阅读，就是不想写，也不想读！

着急啊！

刚刚去精华区找了一下,有点眼花没有找到JJ说的帖子..:(
不过我大概知道是个什么意思..谢谢calsunny^_^

我们后面的作业会在专门帖子里全部列出来的,到时候可以找你没有写过的和我们一起练习..:)
阅读推荐那个"LSAT早晚阅读训练法"..每天早上一睁眼做一套,晚上睡觉之前把这套重新做一遍,我觉得用成习惯了是个好方法.
(因为要强迫自己每天的第一件时间就是阅读,最后一件事情也是阅读)

呵呵..不过缺点是做题有点囫囵吞枣,(早上急着去洗簌用餐,晚上又急着睡觉.)作题的质量可能会比做NO题错的还多,
但是效果肯定是有的..因为每天都不知不觉强迫自己在做阅读..:)

yuviUID: 2169411

原帖由 glxing 于 2006-5-19 20:25 发表
这次的作业该由谁来总结？芹菜。

第6次是云MM来写,
你写第7次的,就是今天晚上的作业(argu 2)喔..
(但是你的作还没有交呢..:confused:)
先交作业吧..我们互改之后再写小结..:)