Argument168 [黄金十二宫]第五次作业

永远的圣者UID: 2182901

ARGUMENT168 - Typically, as people age, their bone mass decreases, making them more vulnerable to bone fractures. A recent study concludes that the most effective way to reduce the risk of fractures in later life is to take twice the recommended dose of vitamin D and calcium daily. The three-year study followed a group of French women in their eighties who were nursing-home residents. The women were given daily supplements of twice the recommended dose of vitamin D and calcium. In addition, the women participated in a light weightlifting program. After three years, these women showed a much lower rate of hip fractures than is average for their age.
1.        light weightlifting program可能是一个原因
2.        仅仅说了对hip bone的好处
3.        French woman的特性
4.        其他调查因素的影响

The arguer recommends the most effective way, which has been proved by a study followed a group of French women, to reduce the risk of fractures in later life is to take twice the commendatory dose of vitamin D and calcium daily. By the first glance, we would consider it as the gospel to help people; however, insufficient evidences are provided which make it unsounded.

First, the group of French women was given the remedy and light weightlifting training at the same time, it lacks a relative control to show which factor is more crucial. Supposing the light weightlifting can stimulate the hip bone, this kind of stimulation may cause the bone to build up, and also call up the calcium to repair some cracks on the bone. Such factor is the predominant reason why the hip bone can prevent from the fracture rather than the advantage the dose supplies. Another assumption is that the curative effect can only come into being when the two factors is used synchronously just like the example. Therefore, even though the rate of hip fractures decreased after the use of vitamin D and calcium, there is no guarantee that they are intimately relevant.

Second, the mere result of the study does not show as much effect in other parts of the body, such as arms, legs or rib. Using vitamin D and calcium may stable the hip bone with the cost of the weakening other bonds of the body. For instance, with a kind of intricate mechanism, the use of the remedy, somehow, deliver the calcium from other bones to the hip bone, which different reactions occur in the whole body. If the decrease of the hurt by strengthening hip bone cannot counteract the harm of the tenderness of a more vulnerable bone brings, the use of the dose can only be proved as a mass of inexplicable nonsense.

Third, the study only cover a small range of human races which only French women with the age of 80 was taking into account. If the arguer is eager to persuade all people to use this kind of treatment, the study need to cover men and women, old and young, white and black. Since no evidence prove the function of the remedy will have the same operation when small but distinct difference of status of individual is introduced.

Fourth but not the last, the quantity of the sample and the specialization of the sample should also include judgment. With the profession of nursing-home residents, these people might have a more robust body which themselves have lower rate of hip fractures than average.

In sum, without the further information involved, I can hardly agree with the arguer's opinion that the kind of treatment can really work.

bhnUID: 2177959

打开word看吧，附件
ARGUMENT168 - Typically, as people age, their bone mass decreases, making them more vulnerable to bone fractures. A recent study concludes that the most effective way to reduce the risk of fractures in later life is to take twice the recommended dose of vitamin D and calcium daily. The three-year study followed a group of French women in their eighties who were nursing-home residents. The women were given daily supplements of twice the recommended dose of vitamin D and calcium. In addition, the women participated in a light weightlifting program. After three years, these women showed a much lower rate of hip fractures than is average for their age.

concludes that the most effective way to reduce the risk of fractures in later life is to take twice the recommended dose of vitamin D and calcium daily. 这是作者的结论。
要证明这个结论，作者必须证明take twice the recommended dose of vitamin D and calcium daily.  符合上面红色的那两点。显然most effective 你们没有提到。即使吃那些药是有效的，但距离证明它是最有效的还差很远，或许别的剂量，或别的方法更有效。这是很重要的一个错误。最后还是觉得对调查的怀疑应该放在前面，不过你可能有你的想法。另外觉得你举的一些例子太过于抽象了如a kind of intricate mechanism。


1.        light weightlifting program可能是一个原因
2.        仅仅说了对hip bone的好处
3.        French woman的特性
4.        其他调查因素的影响

The arguer recommends the most effective way, which has been proved by a study followed a group of French women, to reduce the risk of fractures in later life is to take twice the commendatory dose of vitamin D and calcium daily. By the first glance, we would consider it as the gospel to help people; however, insufficient evidences are provided which make it unsounded（非限制性定义从句，which加逗号。）.

First, the group of French women was given the remedy and light weightlifting training at the same time,（用分号）it lacks a relative control to show which factor is more crucial. Supposing the light weightlifting can stimulate the hip bone, this kind of stimulation may cause the bone to build up, and also call up the calcium to repair some cracks on the bone. Such factor is the predominant reason why the hip bone can prevent from the fracture rather than the advantage the dose supplies. Another assumption（应该用possibility,assumption 一般是指原文中的假设，你这样用就混乱了） is that the curative effect can only come into being when the two factors is used synchronously just like the example. Therefore, even though the rate of hip fractures decreased after the use of vitamin D and calcium, there is no guarantee that they are intimately relevant.

这段你只提了两种可能，但是最好提一下是其他原因（不是服药，和举重）造成的。

Second, the mere result of the study does not show as much effect in other parts of the body, such as arms, legs or rib（用复数）. Using vitamin D and calcium may stable the hip bone with the cost of the weakening other bonds of the body. For instance, with a kind of intricate mechanism, the use of the remedy, somehow, deliver the calcium from other bones to the hip bone, which different reactions occur in the whole body. If the decrease of the hurt by strengthening hip bone cannot counteract the harm of the tenderness of a more vulnerable bone brings, the use of the dose can only be proved as a mass of inexplicable nonsense.

Third, the study only cover a small range of human races which only French women with the age of 80（这个定语从句有毛病，到底是修饰谁的？语法也不对。） was taking（taken） into account. If the arguer is eager to persuade all people to use this kind of treatment, the study need（肯定句用作实意动词，用needs） to cover men and women, old and young, white and black. Since no evidence prove（注意动词形式） the function of the remedy will have the same operation when small but distinct difference of status of individual is introduced（用introduce不合适吧，个体间的差异是本来就存在的）.

Fourth but not the last, the quantity of the sample and the specialization of the sample should also include judgment. With the profession这个词用在这里是什么意思？那些人是住疗养院的 of nursing-home residents, these people might have a more robust比较级使用more么？还是用robuster body（应该是rubost bodies用复数吧。） which themselves have lower rate of hip fractures than average（这个定语从句好别拗）.

In sum, without the further information involved, I can hardly agree with the arguer's opinion that the kind of treatment can really work.

永远的圣者UID: 2182901

most effective 没有看到，是个大错
要考试了，真是忙啊，现在写东西真是有一种小学时候的交差的感觉，连题目都读错了；谢谢 bhn这么认真的改，我还是会尽量认真写的
真希望快点考完试

bhnUID: 2177959

我那片issue10你是不是忘记改了，还是考试没有时间。没时间还是以考试为主，不过最好还是事先跟我说一声。