Issue10 [黄金十二宫]第四次作业

永远的圣者UID: 2182901

10"Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive, because it is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated."
1.        大城市的确是文化传统的集中地，政府应当资助
2.        但是非大城市地区也不应当被忽视
3.        除了文化保存得原因，这些地方应当被资助，为了国家的稳定，这样国家的文化才能够很好的发展

When seeing the Statue of Liberty in New York, the Arch of Triumph in Paris or the Colosseum in Rome, the name of the nation may emerge in our brain. Cities, especially those of a long history, carry a large potion of cultural traditions of a nation. The mere fact leads to a conclusion that governments should give financial support to their major cities for the preservation and generation of the nations’ cultural traditions. However, I would argue that the rural areas are equally important not only in culture but also in several of fields, thus the government should pay attention and provide sustentation fund in finance for the countryside.

Cultural tradition of a nation concludes beliefs, rules of behavior, language, rituals, art, styles of dress, religion, political and economic systems and etc, it is really prior in cities that these items preserved and generated concerning some distinguishing characteristics of the cultural traditions. As some extent, culture is shared, learned, adaptive, the quantity of population and frequent communication between citizens just fully answer for the requirement. Let us take the success of a singer into account. A singer always begins his career in a city by broadcasting his song on the air, or plays it on TV, and thus his music style is shared and enjoyed by the audience. When this singer is popular enough to sell his album, hold concert, and encourage other singers of the same style, this music style has become a culture which learn and accept by others. And in the next processes, the singers must be adaptive to the new change of audiences’ taste so as not to be forgotten and the audience will soon reflect their attitude towards the changing. This example meet the birth and flourish of a specific cultural tradition in cities, the cure row of this process is that people are easily gain information and easily reflect to it, and easily communicate with each other and finally create the culture. Like the metabolism, cities are always ‘fast’ generate culture, while the city may somehow too ‘fast’ or with influence of economy or policy to throw it. All historical cites are meeting the problem that the economical development and rite protection. Taking Beijing as an example, whether HuTong which is a accommodating form from ancient time should be removed to build skyscrapers to boom the economy is of heated discussed. HuTong, which represents the old culture, is fighting with the skyscrapers, which represents the new one. At least，we should permit that if we just let it go, some good cultural traditions might already erase before we could recognize. To solve the contradiction，protection and encouragement should be provided by the nation.

The treasures in small cities and countryside should never be neglected since they are also invaluable heritages of human-beings. Like animal in hibernation, their metabolism is much slower than major cities. This can contain some rare and ancient cultural tradition, though is a bias of nowadays trace, it can maintain some tradition really ‘national’ and make the nation culture as a whole to be investigated and predicted, like the Indians to America, the minorities to China. However, they are in danger. Form the impact of globalism and urbanism, small cities and countryside are more inclined to the life style of the big cities and philosophy of the urbanism since the prosperity of the cities and enjoyment of urbanite just attracts them. In the same time, the cultural traditions are more inclined to that of the major city. Imaging this uptrend goes on and finally one day, there are all big cities in our nation, and the same cultural traditions with the name of “urban” are with us, what can surprise us, what can arouse our nationality, what differentiate us from other nation? In this situation, financial support is need in this area to help them to have their own lives instead of the others. When Americans see the Indians dances in mask with their traditional clothing on but the hustle performed to disco rock music, when Chinese hear the classical Qin music but the pop songs, I am sure they can recall something they have long forgotten.

Financial support should be provided for the rural area not only with the purpose to preserve its tradition, but also to make the whole nation be better. It has been theoretically and actually proved that the deviation of poverty and affluence can lead to tension in the nation, and conflict even war may happen if deteriorates. When the nation is being demolished, we should never forget the difference of the poor and the rich behind the veil. The figure of Buddha was destroyed in Afghanistan, the temple was bombed in Palestine, and the brutal fact tells us if the government gives his both hands to the major cities while gives the rural areas nothing at all, cultural traditions have no ground to grow and flower. Only the peaceful and affluent circumstance of a nation is able to warrant the maintenance and development of the cultural tradition.

In sum, only the government makes a balance in financial support between major cities and the others can lead to the flourish and prosperity of cultural tradition. When traveling around the nation, we must be filled with admiration and pride in the diversity of the culture.

微末三月UID: 205072

Colosseum in Rome, the name of the nation may emerge in our brain. Cities, especially those of a long history, carry a large potion of cultural traditions of a nation. 这前后有点连不上.上两句很抒情,后面突然回到GRE作文了...The mere fact leads to a conclusion that governments should give financial support to their major cities for the preservation and generation of the nations’ cultural traditions. However, I would argue that the rural areas are equally important not only in culture but also in several of fields, thus the government should pay attention and provide sustentation fund in finance for the countryside.fund与sustentation in finance重复了

Cultural tradition of a nation concludes beliefs, rules of behavior, language, rituals, art, styles of dress, religion, political and economic systems and etc, it is really prior in cities that these items preserved and generated concerning some distinguishing characteristics of the cultural traditions. 这句话看得好头晕啊..that后面没谓语了.preserved 和generated只是后置定语As some extent, culture is shared, learned, adaptive,这里是个句号吧?否则前后不连贯 the quantity of population and frequent communication between citizens just fully answer for the requirement.quantity of population怎么就answer for the requirement了呢? Let us take the success of a singer into account. A singer always begins his career in a city by broadcasting his song on the air, or plays it on TV, and thus his music style is shared and enjoyed by the audience. When this singer is popular enough to sell his album, hold concert, and encourage other singers of the same style,encourage用在这里是什么意思??是想说刺激了别人模仿他吗? this music style has become a culture which learn and accept by others. And in the next processes, the singers must be adaptive to the new change of audiences’ taste so as not to be forgotten and the audience will soon reflect their attitude towards the changing.改成adapt to This example meet the birth and flourish of a specific cultural tradition in cities, the cure row of this process is that people are easily gain information and easily reflect to it, and easily communicate with each other and finally create the culture.才疏学浅,不知道这个词的意思.不过好像中间少了个连接词,感觉是两个句子了 Like the metabolism, cities are always ‘fast’ generate culture, while the city may somehow too ‘fast’ or with influence of economy or policy to throw it. All historical cites are meeting the problem that the economical development and rite protection.改成with Taking Beijing as an example, whether HuTong which is a accommodating form from ancient time should be removed to build skyscrapers to boom the economy is of heated discussed去掉. HuTong, which represents the old culture, is fighting with the skyscrapers, which represents the new one. At least，we should permit that if we just let it go, some good cultural traditions might already erase before we could recognize. 又是两个主语,两个谓语了,要么就加个连接词,要么就独立成句.To solve the contradiction，protection and encouragement should be provided by the nation.

The treasures in small cities and countryside should never be neglected since they are also invaluable heritages of human-beings. Like animal in hibernation, their metabolism is much slower than major cities. This can contain some rare and ancient cultural tradition, though is a bias of nowadays trace, it can maintain some tradition really ‘national’ and make the nation culture as a whole to be investigated and predicted, 真的好绕,没看懂,什么叫really 'national'?like the Indians to America, the minorities to China. However, they are in danger. Form the impact of globalism and urbanism, small cities and countryside are more inclined to the life style of the big cities and philosophy of the urbanism since the prosperity of the cities and enjoyment of urbanite just attracts them.incline作"倾向于做某事"解时,要接动词.这样写表述不完整 In the same time, the cultural traditions are more inclined to that of the major city. Imaging this uptrend goes on and finally one day, there are all big cities in our nation, and the same cultural traditions with the name of “urban” are with us, what can surprise us, what can arouse our nationality, what differentiate us from other nation? In this situation, financial support is need in this area to help them to have their own lives instead of the others. When Americans see the Indians dances in mask with their traditional clothing on but the hustle performed to disco rock music, when Chinese hear the classical Qin music but the pop songs, I am sure they can recall something they have long forgotten.

Financial support should be provided for the rural area not only with the purpose to preserve its tradition, but also to make the whole nation be better.to be better It has been theoretically and actually proved that the deviation of poverty and affluence can lead to tension in the nation, and conflict even war may happen if deteriorates. When the nation is being demolished, we should never forget the difference of the poor and the rich behind the veil. The figure of Buddha was destroyed in Afghanistan, the temple was bombed in Palestine, and the brutal fact tells us if the government gives his both hands to the major cities while gives the rural areas nothing at all, cultural traditions have no ground to grow and flower. was都去掉,做后置定语Only the peaceful and affluent circumstance of a nation is able to warrant the maintenance and development of the cultural tradition.

In sum, only the government makes a balance in financial support between major cities and the others can lead to the flourish and prosperity of cultural tradition. When traveling around the nation, we must be filled with admiration and pride in the diversity of the culture.


很抱歉,上周太忙,拖到现在才看你的文章.sorry again
言规正传:
我猜想,圣者是不是写这篇文章的时候思维跑到很远,忘了自己是在写GRE作文了?从你的论据看得出想了很多...不知道是不是一个problematic assumption. 但是千万记住你写这篇文章的目的!!即使写的时候想了很多,自己改的时候也一定要大义灭亲"灭"掉那些扯远了的.例子举得太多太杂显得文章很松散,逻辑也比较混乱.可以说,一段内容已经不能支持该段的主题了,这就犯了GRE作文的大忌!
说一说语言,有些句子写得很"Chinglish".语法上,一句话里只有一个谓语.如果要有添加新谓语,一定也要添加连接词.开始一句出现2个谓语,后来竟然出现3个...千万要注意

看了一半,实在忍不住,查了下字数,891..:L:L 要舍得删...