argument48 Ares战队第二次作业

Tomas007UID: 2107663

TOPIC: ARGUMENT48 - The following appeared in a newspaper article published in the country of Corpora.

"Twenty years ago, one half of all citizens in Corpora met the standards for adequate physical fitness as then defined by the national advisory board on physical fitness. Today, the board says that only one quarter of all citizens are adequately fit and suggests that spending too much time using computers may be the reason. But since overall fitness levels are highest in regions of Corpora where levels of computer ownership are also highest, it is clear that using computers has not made citizens less physically fit. Instead, as shown by this year's unusually low expenditures on fitness-related products and services, the recent decline in the economy is most likely the cause, and fitness levels will improve when the economy does."
WORDS: 308          TIME: 0:30:00          DATE: 2006-6-28

It is unreasonable to assure that the declined economy situation is the real reason for relatively descend physical fitness, due to the unsuitable consideration on computer factor, and unnecessary causal relation between economy and low physical fitness.

First of all, the only evidence of such investigation in regions with highest levels of computer ownership do not mean too much for the computer influence to the citizen's physical fitness. The level of computer ownership means nothing but the percentage of individuals with computers. Such data has nothing to do with the real use frequency of computers, which is, in deed, the true factor affect the physical fitness. The more time was spent on computer, the less time for the physical sports. Furthermore, the investigation was too particular in region to be trusted. All the region chosen are those with highest ownership of computer, which means more wealth can be spent, no matter on computer or the health business. The high physical level may mean the relative high health care level, but not the less influence of computer usage.

The relation between low expenditures on fitness and low physical fitness is unsuitably limited to the causal relationship. There may be lots of factors that will provoke low expenditures on fitness-related consuming-- the declined products quality and service level, the fully charged products on fitness and the like. However, considering the decline in the economy, the low fitness may not be its consequence, either. The overall fitness levels is much determined by the human activity, such the sports spread, the emotion level, but not only the economy.

As a consequence, the conclusion on the declined economy's essential role on low physical fitness in Corpora need further consideration and focus on the integrity of such an investigation, reconsideration on the actual consequence of low expenditures on fitness and decline in the economy.

还好Argument字数上还过得去，聊以自慰。还是要加油练，仍是初极阶段啊。

gamblerboUID: 2212217

argument48 Ares战队第二次作业

TOPIC: ARGUMENT48 - The following appeared in a newspaper article published in the country of Corpora.

"Twenty years ago, one half of all citizens in Corpora met the standards for adequate physical fitness as then defined by the national advisory board on physical fitness. Today, the board says that only one quarter of all citizens are adequately fit and suggests that spending too much time using computers may be the reason. But since overall fitness levels are highest in regions of Corpora where levels of computer ownership are also highest, it is clear that using computers has not made citizens less physically fit. Instead, as shown by this year's unusually low expenditures on fitness-related products and services, the recent decline in the economy is most likely the cause, and fitness levels will improve when the economy does."
WORDS: 308          TIME: 0:30:00          DATE: 2006-6-28

It is unreasonable to assure that the declined economy situation is the real reason for relatively descend physical fitness, due to the unsuitable consideration on computer factor, and unnecessary causal relation between economy and low physical fitness.
[很简洁的一段。好！自己编的？还是模板？][]
First of all, the only evidence of such investigation in regions with highest levels of computer ownership do not mean too much for the computer influence to the citizen's physical fitness. The level of computer ownership means nothing but the percentage of individuals with computers. Such data has nothing to do with the real use frequency of computers, which is, in deed, the true factor affect the physical fitness. The more time was spent on computer, the less time for the physical sports. Furthermore, the investigation was too particular in region to be trusted. All the regions chosen are those with highest ownership of computer, which means more wealth can be spent, no matter on computer or the health business. The high physical level may mean the relative high health care level, but not the less influence of computer usage.

The relation between low expenditures on fitness and low physical fitness is unsuitably limited to the causal relationship. There may be lots of factors that will provoke low expenditures on fitness-related consuming-- the declined products quality and service level, the fully charged products on fitness and the like. However, considering the decline in the economy, the low fitness may not be its consequence, either. The overall fitness levels is [are] much determined by the human activity, such the sports spread, the emotion level, but not only the economy.

As a consequence, the conclusion on the declined economy's essential role on low physical fitness in Corpora need further consideration and focus on the integrity of such an investigation, reconsideration on the actual consequence of low expenditures on fitness and decline in the economy.
[关于末段：
1，        你的最后一段不如你第一段简练。写如此饶舌的一段，还不如多写一个错误。例如：时间改变的同时标准的变化等。
2，        可能是我水平很有限，看的最后一段很费力。如果你能简化或者是让结构清晰一点，应该效果会更好。不过我也这毛病，特别是套模板的时候。
3，        As a consequence, the conclusion on the declined economy's essential role on low physical fitness in Corpora[个人觉得这里的两个介词值得推敲] need further consideration and focus on [如果focus和need并列，就应该为三人称单数]the integrity of such [指代什么？]an investigation, [and?] reconsideration on the actual consequence of low expenditures on fitness and decline in the economy.
]
还好Argument字数上还过得去，聊以自慰。还是要加油练，仍是初极阶段啊。

1，        很不错啊！现在在30分钟之内就可以写出这样的文章。指出了很多逻辑错误。算是比较丰满了。
2，        呵呵，这次少了好多输入错误。看来上次的建议有效果哦。：）
3，        加油！加油！