Argument145 Ares战队 Tomas007

Tomas007UID: 2107663

TOPIC: ARGUMENT145 - A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person-often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed-and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.
WORDS: 307          TIME: 0:30:00          DATE: 2006-7-19

The author easily made a conclusion that anyone who snores should have less food and do more exercise, simply from two evidences, a study showing they gain more weight, the other from the side effect of snore for tired. After careful consideration, there are dozens of faults that the author overlooked.

First of all, there is no details on how such study was carrying on that would essentially support the result. The reliability of one study depends on the objects we are choosing, the methods we are applying and the like. It is possible that this study just focused on limited people, for example, those with some inherited diseases which definitely have efforts on the increasing weight. Perhaps those investigated people number is so small that would not represent the general principle on people all around the country. There is also such probability that the methods we used are not proper enough, which may indicate people answering weight questions with increasing tredency. Therefore, reconsideration on the study is necessary for the final conclusion.

Additionally, the author has overemphasized the relationship between sleep apnea and less exercise with the causal one. The fact that lots of people with snoring often suffer from sleep apnea does not necessarily result in tired condition during the day to exercise. There is also not direct or indirect evidence supporting that those suffering sleep apnea would not take exercises any longer. Furthermore, there is also such possibility that some other conditions, such as nightmare, may result in tired feeling.

Last but not least, it is not suitable enough to apply the food limitation and more exercises on everyone with snore condition. Everyone suffers various conditions, from healthy, daily customs and the like. Thus the same treasure applied on all of them would harm for some of them.

In sum, it is necessary to reconsider the aspects mentioned before any final conclusion is made.

baihe1988UID: 2203505

TOPIC: ARGUMENT145 - A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person-often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed-and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.
WORDS: 307          TIME: 0:30:00          DATE: 2006-7-19

The author easily(abruptly) made a conclusion that anyone who snores should have less food and do more exercise, simply from two evidences, a study showing they gain more weight, the other from the side effect of snore for tired.(有问题噢，结构以及某些位置的具体用词) After careful consideration, there are dozens of faults that the author overlooked.(错误怎么忽视？应该说犯错误吧)

First of all, there is no details on how such study was carrying on(carried out) that would essentially support the result. The reliability of one study depends on the objects(是样本吗——samples) we are choosing, the methods we are applying and the like. It is possible that this study just focused on limited people, for example, those with some inherited diseases which definitely have efforts on the increasing weight. Perhaps those investigated people number(典型的中国式英语，呵呵——the number of investigated people) is so small that would not represent the general principle on people all around the country. There is also such probability that the methods we used are not proper enough, which may indicate people answering weight questions with increasing tendency. Therefore, reconsideration on the study is necessary for the final conclusion.

Additionally, the author has overemphasized the relationship between sleep apnea and less exercise with the causal one. (这个部分是啥结构) The fact that lots of people with snoring often suffer from sleep apnea does not necessarily result in tired condition during the day(daytime) to exercise. There is also not (no) direct or indirect evidence supporting that those suffering sleep apnea would not take exercises any longer. Furthermore, there is also such possibility that some other conditions, such as nightmare, may (also) result in tired feeling.

Last but not least, it is not suitable enough to apply the food limitation and more exercises on everyone with snore condition. Everyone suffers various conditions, from healthy, daily customs and the like. Thus the same treasure applied on all of them would harm for(删除for) some of them.

In sum, it is necessary to reconsider the aspects mentioned (above) before any final conclusion is made.

总结：挺好的，各个要点错误抓的还是比较好的——只是在叙述的时候不是很流畅——可能是因为３０分钟时间限制导致的，文中没有什么大的错误，但是小的点有些，以后注意一下就好了！不错，嗯！
Ps: 如果最后一段的总结能写的好点就更好了……嘿嘿！加油！