Argument65 [展翅高飞]第6次作业

wandouhhUID: 190486

TOPIC: ARGUMENT65 - The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.

"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."
WORDS: 338          DATE: 7/24/2006

The author asserts that in order to improve profits, the china of cheese stores should discontinue stocking imported cheese and concertrate primarily on domestic cheeses. I find the argument logically unconvincing in several respects.

First of all, the author fails to confuse the new store and their all stores.It is possible that the five best-selling cheeses in their newest store last year were the worse-selling cheeses in other stores. Maybe the residence nearby the newest store are native people, they perfer domestic cheeses to imported cheese. Contrarily, the residence nearby another stores are foreigner, they love imported cheese more. So, the author overlooks the evidence about the resedence around the newest stores and other ones. I can not agree with him or her suggestion.

Secondly, the author ignores the date of the sample of the survey which the author mentioned by Cheeses of the World magazine. I do not know the range and number of the reader of Cheeses of the World magazine. It is possible that the number of readers is so small that weaken the survey creditibility. It is also possible that because this magazine is world wide, there are some foreign readers answered the survey, and the foreigners' choice are directly opposite. If so, the conclusion of the survey is wrong, the author should not cite it in his article.

Thirdly, the purpose why the author asserts this suggest is to improve profits in all of their stores.  There are lots of methods to improve profits, such as promote their manage methods, do some adverts, decrease the price, and so on. There is no evidence to suggest that the chain of cheese stores should reduce expenses by limiting inventory. Failing to be provided the evidence what the chain of cheese stores did before, I cannot accept the suggestion.

In sum, the argument is logically flawed and therefore unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen it, the author of the article should do survey by himself instead to cite the survey from magazine. After finding more better evidence of that the domestic cheese will be seld better than imported ones, the suggestion will be accepted.

[ 本帖最后由 wandouhh 于 2006-7-25 04:23 编辑 ]

SerendipUID: 2227806

TOPIC: ARGUMENT65 - The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.

"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."
WORDS: 338          DATE: 7/24/2006

The author asserts that in order to improve profits, the chinaof cheese stores[chain store，你这三个词要改一下] should discontinue stocking imported cheese and concertrate primarily on domestic cheeses. I find the argument logically unconvincing in several respects.[什么renspects？写详细]

First of all, the author fails to confuse[confuse？迷惑？] the new store and their all stores.It is possible that the five best-selling cheeses in their newest store last year were the worse-selling[是worst吧] cheeses in other stores. Maybe the residence nearby the newest store are native people, they perfer domestic cheeses to imported cheese. Contrarily, the residence nearby another stores are foreigner, they love imported cheese more. So, the author overlooks the evidence about the resedence around the newest stores and other ones. I can not agree with him or her suggestion.
[这一段需要充实，要简单分析一下错误的原因，ts给出了接着说一下，比如After all, the high sales amount of their newest stores does not necessarily represent that all their chain stores will parallel.这种简单分析性的。]

Secondly, the author ignores the date of the sample of the survey which the author mentioned by Cheeses of the World magazine. I do not know the range and number of the reader of Cheeses of the World magazine.[这个句子最好写被动句，显得比较专业而且客观。] It is possible that the number of readers is so small that weaken the survey creditibility. It is also possible that because this magazine is world wide, there are some foreign readers answered the survey, and the foreigners' choice are directly opposite. If so, the conclusion of the survey is wrong, the author should not cite it in his article.

Thirdly, the purpose why the author asserts this suggest is to improve profits in all of their stores.  There are lots of methods to improve profits, such as promote[promoting] their manage methods, do some adverts, decrease the price, and so on. [such as后面加名词形式，因为是和method并列]There is no evidence to suggest that the chain of cheese stores should reduce expenses by limiting inventory. Failing to be provided the evidence what the chain of cheese stores did before, I cannot accept the suggestion.[写改进之前要写错误，摆出来由于价格消费者取向之类的话，然后再写改进。你这段等于是从ts后就开始改进，然后才批错误，最好换一下]

In sum, the argument is logically flawed and therefore unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen it, the author of the article should do survey by himself instead to cite the survey from magazine. After finding more better evidence of that the domestic cheese will be seld better than imported ones, the suggestion will be accepted.

[总体看，字数不够，慢慢写吧，内部论证需要充实，可以很简单的ts+攻击错误+或列举他因+改进方法。你写完以后没有改吧，很多word能发现的错误也没有改，我觉得你要是平时不忙的话就要写一篇后马上自己修改，语病什么的不用说了，还可以尝试吧那些简单句凑成复杂句。（可以尝试先用and then之类并列递进，我现在也是处在这种程度……）]

wandouhhUID: 190486

辛苦火星了，建议非常中肯。
你的水平比我高多了。