Argument45 同主题 我的argu长期无人问津 哪位好人来拍一下

莎拉UID: 2185851

题目：ARGUMENT 45 - The following appeared as an editorial in a wildlife journal.

"Arctic deer live on islands in Canada's arctic region. They search for food by moving over ice from island to island during the course of a year. Their habitat is limited to areas warm enough to sustain the plants on which they feed, and cold enough, at least some of the year, for the ice to cover the sea separating the islands, allowing the deer to travel over it. Unfortunately, according to reports from local hunters, the deer populations are declining. Since these reports coincide with recent global warming trends that have caused the sea ice to melt, we can conclude that the decline in arctic deer populations is the result of deer being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea."

Outline:
1.        攻击local hunters’ reports. 可能是鹿们为了逃避predators 和 hunters的捕捉而躲到更隐蔽的地方。
2.        攻击global warming造成的影响。可能温度小幅上升只融化了ice cover的边缘部分，对他们的迁徙并无影响。
3.        即使是减少了，可能是由别的原因造成的，如过度捕杀，plants受到污染而大量减少或是瘟疫蔓延。作者的结论过于片面。

In this editorial, the author draws a conclusion that being unable to migrate results in the decrease in arctic deer population. The assertion is based on reports of local hunters and the recent global warming trends that cause the melting of sea ice. Seemingly reasonable and convincing though, we can still find that the author's reasoning has some loopholes which do not bear careful scrutiny.

First of all, the reliability of local hunters' reports mentioned in this editorial is open to doubt. There is no exact statistic that can suggest the decline of the arctic deer population. The reports neither provide the original number of arctic deer, nor do they offer the declined number of deer, which grants the reports few scientific and professional elements. Possibly, the decline in arctic deer population is only a general assessment rather than a proven truth. Perhaps the deer have moved from their usual habitats to more sheltered places in order to avoid being captured by other predators or hunters. Without long-term researches about the number of arctic deer, we cannot claim that the population of arctic deer is on the decrease.

In addition, although global warming causes the part of the sea ice to melt, does it necessarily mean that there is no more ice cover for arctic deer to migrate from one island to another? To what extent does global warming cause the melting? If the global temperature is only slightly increased, the fringe of ice cover might melt a little, but most part of the cover is still thick and broad enough for those deer to move across. Therefore, global warming might not definitely bring about damages of arctic deer’s migration.

What’s more, by saying that deer being unable to follow their migration patterns accounts for the decline in arctic deer population, the author overlooks other factors that might also lead to the population decline of deer. For example, pollution done by human activities may cause damages of the plants on which arctic deer feed. Deer may die because of scarcity of food. Over-hunting can also result in the decrease of deer population. Besides, recent severe plague prevailing among arctic deer also may cause population decline. It is too one-sided to conclude that the only reason of decline in deer population is being unable to migrate.

To sum up, the argument is hastily generalized based on insufficient and unpersuasive evidence. Further detailed research about the change in population of arctic deer and more comprehensive analysis of the influence of global warming on ice melting should be done before the author can reach an accurate conclusion. Otherwise, factors like over-hunting and pollution that might potentially endanger the deer population are likely to be ignored. (452words)

pewcg8UID: 2143213

我来拍拍看,晚上一定修改好.

apiyo_07UID: 2191343

莎拉mm我来也~~^^

题目：ARGUMENT 45 - The following appeared as an editorial in a wildlife journal.

"Arctic deer live on islands in Canada's arctic region. They search for food by moving over ice from island to island during the course of a year. Their habitat is limited to areas warm enough to sustain the plants on which they feed, and cold enough, at least some of the year, for the ice to cover the sea separating the islands, allowing the deer to travel over it. Unfortunately, according to reports from local hunters, the deer populations are declining. Since these reports coincide with recent global warming trends that have caused the sea ice to melt, we can conclude that the decline in arctic deer populations is the result of deer being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea."

Outline:
1.        攻击local hunters’ reports. 可能是鹿们为了逃避predators 和 hunters的捕捉而躲到更隐蔽的地方。
2.        攻击global warming造成的影响。可能温度小幅上升只融化了ice cover的边缘部分，对他们的迁徙并无影响。
3.        即使是减少了，可能是由别的原因造成的，如过度捕杀，plants受到污染而大量减少或是瘟疫蔓延。作者的结论过于片面。

In this editorial, the author draws a conclusion that being unable to migrate results in the decrease in arctic deer population. The assertion is based on reports of local hunters and the recent global warming trends that cause the melting of sea ice. Seemingly reasonable and convincing though, we（主句的主语应该和从句Seemingly reasonable一样，这里应该用the author's reasoning吧） can still find that the author's reasoning has some loopholes which do not bear careful scrutiny.

First of all, the reliability of local hunters' reports mentioned in this editorial is open to doubt. There is no exact statistic that can suggest the decline of the arctic deer population. The reports neither provide the original number of arctic deer, nor do they offer the declined number of deer, which grants the reports few scientific and professional elements（which这个从句好像不是很通顺，如果你要表达没提供上述两个数据就会让报告缺失科学性，我认为用ing形式较好，但grant这个词...我觉得不是很合适）. Possibly, the decline in arctic deer population is only a general assessment rather than a proven truth. Perhaps the deer have moved from their usual habitats to more sheltered places in order to avoid being captured by other predators or hunters. Without long-term researches about the number of arctic deer, we cannot claim that the population of arctic deer is on the decrease.

In addition, although global warming causes the part of the sea ice to melt, does it necessarily mean that there is no more ice cover for arctic deer to migrate from one island to another? To what extent does global warming cause the melting? If the global temperature is（不需要用is咯） only slightly increased, the fringe of ice cover might melt a little, but most part of the cover is still thick and broad enough for those deer to move across（我觉得与其让步说冰川的边缘或许会融化一点点，倒不如直接就驳斥全球变暖未必会影响到北极冰川的融化，加强对这个论断的质疑）. Therefore, global warming might not definitely bring about damages of arctic deer’s migration.

What’s more, by saying that deer being unable to follow their migration patterns accounts for the decline in arctic deer population, the author overlooks other factors that might also lead to the population decline of deer. For example, pollution done by human activities may cause damages of（用to？） the plants on which arctic deer feed. Deer may die because of scarcity of food. Over-hunting can also result in the decrease of deer population. Besides, recent severe plague prevailing among arctic deer also may cause population decline. It is too one-sided（虽然one-sided表示片面的，但我觉得这个词好像较多出现在名次前作修饰语，而较少用作表语） to conclude that the only reason of decline in deer population is being unable to migrate.

To sum up, the argument is hastily generalized based on insufficient and unpersuasive evidence. Further detailed research about the change in population of arctic deer and more comprehensive analysis of the influence of global warming on ice melting should be done before the author can reach an accurate conclusion. Otherwise, factors like over-hunting and pollution that might potentially endanger the deer population are likely to be ignored. (452words)

总体印象，mm的语言还是很不错的，没什么好多说的，论证也合理^^
不过，在第一段我嗅到了比较强烈的北美范文味道，我自己大概也是这样，呵呵，有时间的话可以试着开发自己的模式^^

这是我的，有空再看吧^^
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

sarahzhanUID: 2111348

u c, my english name is the same as yours

sarahzhanUID: 2111348

up

莎拉UID: 2185851

哈哈 多谢各位支持~~~~

bearhjUID: 2218990

In this editorial, the author draws a conclusion that being unable to migrate results in the decrease in arctic deer population. The assertion is based on reports of local hunters and the recent global warming trends that cause the melting of sea ice. Seemingly reasonable and convincing though, we can still find that the author's reasoning has some loopholes which do not bear careful scrutiny.

First of all, the reliability of local hunters' reports mentioned in this editorial is open to doubt. There is no exact statistic that can suggest the decline of the arctic deer population. The reports neither provide the original number of arctic deer, nor do they offer the declined number of deer, which grants the reports few scientific and professional elements. Possibly, the decline in arctic deer population is only a general assessment rather than a proven truth. Perhaps the deer have moved from their usual habitats to more sheltered places in order to avoid being captured by other predators or hunters. Without long-term researches about the number of arctic deer, we cannot claim that the population of arctic deer is on the decrease.

In addition, although global warming causes the part of the sea ice to melt, does it necessarily mean that there is no more ice cover for arctic deer to migrate from one island to another? To what extent does global warming cause the melting? If the global temperature is only slightly increased, the fringe of ice cover might melt a little, but most part of the cover is still thick and broad enough for those deer to move across. Therefore, global warming might not definitely bring about damages of arctic deer’s migration.

What’s more, by saying that deer being unable to follow their migration patterns accounts for the decline in arctic deer population, the author overlooks other factors that might also lead to the population decline of deer. For example, pollution done(caused可能比done好一点点) by human activities may cause damages of the plants on which arctic deer feed. Deer may die because of scarcity of food. Over-hunting can also result in the decrease of deer population. Besides, recent severe plague prevailing among arctic deer also may cause population decline. It is too one-sided to conclude that the only reason of decline in deer population is being unable to migrate.

To sum up, the argument is hastily generalized based on insufficient and unpersuasive evidence. Further detailed research about the change in population of arctic deer and more comprehensive analysis of the influence of global warming on ice melting should be done before the author can reach an accurate conclusion. Otherwise, factors like over-hunting and pollution that might potentially endanger the deer population are likely to be ignored.

语言很纯熟，思维也很严密。赞一个
不过看起来就有模板的痕迹，特别是开头和结尾，可以考虑一下比较有个人风格的句子和模式。