ARGUMENT147 [疾速末班车] 第1次上路撞就撞吧

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TOPIC: ARGUMENT147 - The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.

"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."
WORDS: 505                  

In this argument, the arguer concludes that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months. In order to support this conclusion, the arguer claims a survey about the most important features the video-game player concerned. Besides, the arguer says that whirlwind video games has just introduced several such games and taken an advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old. However, after a careful exam, I find several flaws in this argument, which make it less persuasive.

In the first place, the arguer fails to consider other reasons that cause the decline of Whirlwind video games. Hence the conclusion is invalidating. It is likely that the decline is due to the high price of Whirlwind video games. Many players cannot afford such price therefore the sales is low. Or perhaps there are so many video game companies that the extreme competition caused the low sales of Whirlwind video game. If the decline is due to these reasons, the increase of Whirlwind video game is impossible if the company take no further adjustment. Therefore, without eliminate above possibilities, the arguer cannot attain the conclusion.

In the second place, the survey provided by the arguer is statistically unconvincing. The arguer fails to claim that the survey is base on a broad of video game players, including different age, sex, race and from different regions. Besides, the arguer does not show the number of the survey players. If the number is very small, this survey can hardly achieve the goal it sets. Without providing sufficient evidence about the survey, the arguer cannot make further conclusion on it.

In the third place, the arguer claims that Whirlwind video games would increase sales on the fact that it will make a advertising campaign directed at people at 10 to 25,who most likely to play video games, yet it is not the case. The arguer does not provide any evident to demonstrate that the most video game lover is such people. Even if those people are the most likely to play video games the arguer fails to consider whether these people have enough money to buy the video game and have enough time to play it. It is very possible that due to the load of study or career those people are not the most video game buyers. Therefore without supplying enough evident to show that those people between 10 and 25 are the main video game buyers the arguer cannot allege that the advertisement campaign will cause the increase of sale of Whirlwind video game.

In conclusion, the argument is not completed and suffers several illogical problems that cause it unpersuasive. In order to make this conclusion more convincing, the arguer needs to provide more evidence about the reason of the decline of Whirlwind video game and about the survey of the video game most interested feature. In addition, the arguer has to demonstrate that the people age between 10 and 25 are the main buyers of the video games.

请大家指教

qiwei19852003UID: 2228793

In this argument, the arguer concludes that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months. In order to support this conclusion, the arguer claims a survey about the most important features the video-game player concerned. Besides, the arguer says that whirlwind video games has just introduced several such games and taken an advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old. However, after a careful exam to the article, I find several flaws which make it less persuasive.是不是原封不动的引用原文太多

In the first place, the arguer fails to consider other reasons that cause the decline of Whirlwind video games. Hence the conclusion is invalidating. It is likely that the decline is due to the high price of Whirlwind video games. Many players cannot afford such price therefore the sales is low. Or perhaps there are so many video game companies that the extreme competition caused the low sales of Whirlwind video game. If the decline is owing to(变化一下,前面用过这个短语) these reasons, the increase of Whirlwind video game is impossible if the company take no further adjustment. Therefore, without eliminate the possibilities above, the arguer cannot attain the conclusion.

In the second place, the survey provided by the arguer is statistically unconvincing. The arguer fails to claim that the survey is base on a broad of (你确定有这个词组么)video game players, including different age, sex, race and from different regions. Besides, the arguer does not show the number of the respontents. If the number is very small, this survey can hardly achieve the goal it sets.(别扭) Without providing sufficient evidence about the survey, the arguer cannot make valid conclusion on it.

In the third place, the arguer claims that Whirlwind video games would increase sales on the fact that it will make a advertising campaign directed at people at 10 to 25,who most likely to play video games, yet it is not the case. The arguer does not provide any evident to demonstrate that the most video game lover is such people. Even if those people are the most likely to play video games, the arguer fails to consider whether these people have enough money to buy the video game and have enough time to play it. It is very possible that due to the load of study or career those people are not the most video game buyers. Therefore without supplying enough evident to show that those people between 10 and 25 are the main video game buyers the arguer cannot allege that the advertisement campaign will cause the increase of sale of Whirlwind video game.

In conclusion, the argument is not completed and suffers several illogical problems that cause it unpersuasive. In order to make this conclusion more convincing, the arguer needs to provide more evidence about the reason of the decline of Whirlwind video game and about the survey of the video game most interested feature. In addition, the arguer has to demonstrate that the people age between 10 and 25 are the main buyers of the video games.
总的感觉 逻辑还行 这样的第一篇很好了 字数可够多的　以后把提纲写上　

[ 本帖最后由 qiwei19852003 于 2006-8-8 14:02 编辑 ]

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怎么没有内容？

qiwei19852003UID: 2228793

刚才在编辑

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多谢批评:)