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[作文] 今天开始每天练习,敬请指正 [复制链接]

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发表于 2006-8-21 00:13:24 |显示全部楼层
9.2就要考试了,比较紧张,作文没什么把握,所以发上来请大家帮我改改,谢谢了~
要是可以像gre版用作文修改器就更好了,非常感谢!
也请大家监督我!

8.20  剑四 test 1
task 1
The table demonstrates the proportion of varieties families living in poverty in Australia in 1999.

It is obviously that 11% of all households, including nearly 2 million people, were living in poverty. However, sole parent and single household without a kid took up much more proportion which is 21% and 19%.

When it comes to a couple, we can see that couple with on child took up 7% proportion which is half of those who have children (12%). And the number of couple with children who were living in poverty is nearly 1million which is a astronomical figure.

Elderly person are less to be poor. Then, single aged person are more likely to live in poverty than favored old couples. The total number of them who were living in poverty is a little more than 100 thousand.

Perhaps the table indicates that single adults, no matter whether they have children or not, took up more proportion to be poor than other kinds of households in Australia in 1999.


task 2
During the skeptic era, different categories of media are around us. Those media were born to for the purpose of making our communicating more conveniently. However, each of them has its own advantages and disadvantages.

In the first place , I have to say that television is the most effective media to transmit information. We can know what is happening on the other side of the earth by seeing global news. We can see beautiful scene in another place which is far from our city. The biggest advantage of television is you can be deeply impressed not only by voice but also by vision. I found the only disadvantage is you just remember all the things you watch by heart rather than by a written note or a printed copy.

Furthermore, I chose radio as the less effective media than television. Due to its small volume, you can bring a radio whenever you want. For instance, you can listen to news, music and story when you are doing some housework. Nevertheless, it is regrettable that you have to imagine the situation or the style of any object when you are listening. If you want to verify whether your supposition is correct or not, you have to see them on the spot or turn to television.

Finally, I would like to say book is so precious that hard to came by. Book is very easy to be preserved , compared to other kinds of media. Reading a book is enjoying your life. Books are roots of series and films. Though you can not see views or heard voice through a book, you can get a wonderful feeling which makes you love books.

So overall, I believe that, television is the most effective media when we use them for communicating information. More and more media refresh our daily life.
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发表于 2006-8-21 09:17:40 |显示全部楼层
总体结构不错。条理也较清晰,但大作文,词汇有些贫乏,不够variety.
不错~~多找些同义词背背

[ 本帖最后由 bqiana 于 2006-8-21 16:20 编辑 ]

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发表于 2006-8-21 23:56:41 |显示全部楼层

好的~
谢谢!
我也觉得词汇是个瓶颈。

p.s.今天上完课10点才回到家,然后就开始完成作业(明天要交的),实在没办法完成作文了,自己都觉得很不好意思。

明天贴四篇上来~~

[ 本帖最后由 pohia520 于 2006-8-22 00:14 编辑 ]
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Libra天秤座 荣誉版主

发表于 2006-8-22 09:58:52 |显示全部楼层
嗯,好。LZ努力的!!向你学习~~~

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发表于 2006-8-23 00:48:41 |显示全部楼层
发现个问题
只剩下十天了
而ielts作文不像gre作文
所以还是不能用这种方法~

有点浪费时间的说~
看来只能坚持手写
再找个高人帮我改改了
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Libra天秤座 荣誉版主

发表于 2006-8-25 21:41:42 |显示全部楼层
剩10天要恰时间写喽

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RE: 今天开始每天练习,敬请指正 [修改]

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