Argument147 交作业了！！ 12月作文高强组

waidswUID: 2256074

TOPIC: ARGUMENT147 - The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.

"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."

The arguer claims that though the sales of Whirlwind video game have declined for the past two years, it is likely that the sales will increase sharply in the new few months. To support this claim, the arguer provides a survey of the interests of video-game players which illustrate the preference of lifelike graphics, and also the fact that Whirland have made efforts on such games. At first glance, the arguer's reasoning seems to be appealing, careful scrutiny of those evidences ,however, reveals that it lends little credible support to the claim.  

In the first place, the survey , which is the fundamental evidence to prove the arguer's viewpoint, is far too vague to substantiate the claim. On the one hand, the video game players' preference of  lifelike graphics does not necessarily mean that they would like to purchase such games, hence has nothing to do with the increase of the sales of such video games. Let alone the sales trend reversion of Whirland. On the other hand, the advanced computer needed for playing such lifelike graphic providing games which mentioned in the survey limit the range of potential customers, therefore challenge the prospective sales of such games.


In the second place, the mere fact that Whirlwind has held several advertising campaigns toward 10 to 25 proved little to the arguer's claim. The effectiveness of such campaigns is specious in several points. First, the arguer provides no measurements about the consequences of such advertising campaigns, so we cannot make the conclusion that the younger people were informed by the campaigns. Second, even assuming that the campaigns do successfully attract people ranging from 15 to 25, while absent the information that whether people in these ages are the main consumer of video games, we still can't be positive about the expectation of the sales of Whirlwind's games because even young people is the group most likely to play video games, the financial state is a questionable issue that whether they could afford the video games.

In the third place, the arguer fails to convince us that video games which support lifelike graphics could sell well. As refer to the survey, the graphic is just one feature of the video game. It is very likely that there are amount of other features, such as the plots, the music and sound, the variety of excitements , are also contribute much to the popularity of a video game. In addition, it is still very likely that the competition in video game market is fierce that many other companies also work on video games with many excellent features including the support of lifelike graphics. Without the information that the video games introduced by Whirlwind are superior to others both in lifelike graphics and other features relevant to the popularity of a video game, we can't concede the claim that WVG is likely to reverse its decline.

To sum up, the arguer's claim that the sales of Whirland are likely jump is unjustifiable as it stands. To strengthen the claim, the arguer needs to provide more about the sales information of the video games with lifelike graphics and the competitive situation of that market. In addition, the arguer also have to provide the effectiveness about the promoting activities of Whirland 's video games.  

一月一号UID: 2148376

今天我没时间了，就不先帮你改了哈

sunnie_518UID: 2136235

The arguer claims that though the sales of Whirlwind video game have declined for the past two years, it is likely that the sales will increase sharply in the new few months. To support this claim, the arguer provides a survey of the interests of video-game players which illustrate the preference of lifelike graphics, and also the fact that Whirland have made efforts on such games. At first glance, the arguer's reasoning seems to be appealing, careful scrutiny of those evidences ,however, reveals that it lends little credible support to the claim.  

In the first place, the survey , which is the fundamental evidence to prove the arguer's viewpoint, is far too vague to substantiate the claim. On the one hand, the video game players' preference of  lifelike graphics does not necessarily mean that they would like to purchase such games, hence has nothing to do with the increase of the sales of such video games. Let alone the sales trend reversion of Whirland. On the other hand, the advanced computer needed for playing such lifelike graphic providing games which mentioned in the survey limit the range of potential customers, therefore challenge the prospective sales of such games. (survey 本身也应该有不少问题吧，调查的过程等）


In the second place, the mere fact that Whirlwind has held several advertising campaigns toward 10 to 25 proved little to the arguer's claim.（好像不太顺） The effectiveness of such campaigns is specious in several points. First, the arguer provides no measurements about the consequences of such advertising campaigns, so we cannot make the conclusion that the younger people were informed by the campaigns. Second, even assuming that the campaigns do successfully attract people ranging from 15 to 25, while absent （without）the information that whether people in these ages are the main consumer of video games, we still can't be positive about the expectation of the sales of Whirlwind's games because even young people is the group most likely to play video games, the financial state is a questionable issue that whether they could afford the video games.

In the third place, the arguer fails to convince us that video games which support lifelike graphics could sell well. As refer to the survey, the graphic is just one feature of the video game. It is very likely that there are amount of other features, such as the plots, the music and sound, the variety of excitements , are also contribute much to the popularity of a video game. In addition, it is still very likely that the competition in video game market is fierce that many other companies also work on video games with many excellent features including the support of lifelike graphics. Without the information that the video games introduced by Whirlwind are superior to others both in lifelike graphics and other features relevant to the popularity of a video game, we can't concede the claim that WVG is likely to reverse its decline.

To sum up, the arguer's claim that the sales of Whirland are likely jump is unjustifiable as it stands. To strengthen the claim, the arguer needs to provide more about the sales information of the video games with lifelike graphics and the competitive situation of that market. In addition, the arguer also have to provide the effectiveness about the promoting activities of Whirland 's video games.  
总体不错，不过掉了一个比较重要的逻辑错误，即survey本身的科学有效性