Argument26 （12月作文高强组——好好学习，天天作文）

一月一号UID: 2148376

1.Haste generalization,the direction in the Steel City  high school is diferrent from the general music program of the entire Saluda school system.
  2.The evidence is not convincing.
  3.Theren is no evindence that whether there is already someone plans the genaral music program and how is his work.
  

TOPIC: ARGUMENT26 - The following appeared in a memo from the chairperson of the school board in the town of Saluda.

"For the past five years, Mr. Charles Schade has been the music director at Steel City High School, and during that time the school band from Steel City High has won three regional band competitions. In addition, the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments at Steel City High has improved markedly over the past five years. Because of such successes at Steel City High, the Saluda school board should hire Mr. Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system."
WORDS: 470          TIME: 1:05:31          DATE: 2006-11-23

  The memo above concludes that the Saluda school board should hire Mr.Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system. To support this notion, the arguer provides Mr.Schade's successes at Steel City High school as evidences, which seems somewhat reasonable. However, after careful scrutiny, somas logical flaws of this argument would be revealed.
  The haste generalization is the first flaw this memo has. Obstinately, she/he hastily draws her/his conclusion without taking account the different acquirement of these two positions. As a music director of Steel City High School, Mr.Schada should do more concrete works, like students management and so on, than as a director of entire Saluda school system. To plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system well, stronger management and more skillful ability of schedule is required. From the memo above, we could not find any specific description that demonstrates that Mr.Schada has the ability to perform as successful as in the Steel City High School. Without providing such evidence, the author hardly can persuade the school board believes his conclusion.
  Furthermore, it is still questionable that whether the success of the school band of Steel City High and the improvement of the music rehearsal facilities are the results of Mr. Charles' great direction. It is at least likely that the school band was very good and possibly had won many regional band competitions before Mr. Charles direction or even performed better. Besides, it is also possible that the Steel City High School has the tradition to invest in music facilities much and emphasizes the music education since its foundation. Thus, we hardly can conclude that Mr. Charles contribute much to the music education successes of the Steel City High School. Meanwhile, the successes of the school band and the improvement of music facilities can significant demonstrate Mr. Charles' ability as an excellent music director. As a result, the chairperson could not recommended Mr. Charles as the director without provide sufficient evidence.
  Lastly, the author fails to consider that whether there is already a director to plan the general music education programs for the entire Saluda system and how she/he performs. Even the Mr. Charles has the ability to do the work, if there is one and her/his work is very excellent, it is no need for the school board of Saluda to alternate the staff, especially in that the director before certainly has more experience and acknowledge more about the general education than Mr. Charles.
  To sum, the argument above is not convincing as it stands. The haste generalization, the false analysis of reason and results and lack of comprehensive consideration make this memo hardly can persuade the others of the school board to hire Mr. Charles to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system.

番茄angelaUID: 2204871

The memo above concludes that the Saluda school board should hire Mr.Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system. To support this notionmemo(前后一致比较好), the arguer provides Mr.Schade's successes at Steel City High school as evidencesevidence, which seems somewhat reasonable. However, after careful scrutiny, somas logical flaws of this argument would be revealed.   The haste generalization is the first flaw this memo has. Obstinately, she/he hastily draws her/his conclusion without taking account the different acquirement of these two positions. As a music director of Steel City High School, Mr.Schada should do more concrete works, like students management and so on, (去掉)than as a director of entire Saluda school system.(这句读起来不通顺哦,楼主直接点说就可以了) To plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system well, stronger management and more skillful ability of schedule is required. From the memo above, we could not find any specific description that demonstratesto demonstrate that Mr.Schada has the ability to perform as successfulsuccess as in the Steel City High School. Without providing such evidence, the author hardly can persuade the school board believes his conclusion.(这段楼主想要攻击的错误还是很明确的,但是缺乏层次,语言上有点绕.)   Furthermore, it is still questionable that whether the success of the school band of Steel City High and the improvement of the music rehearsal facilities are the results of Mr. Charles' great direction.(老问题,楼主的攻击点我明白,可是这话说的实在太绕了,没有这个必要) It is at least likely that the school band was very good and possibly had won many regional band competitions before Mr. Charles direction or even performed better. Besides, it is also possible that the Steel City High School has the tradition to invest in music facilities much and emphasizes the music education since its foundation. Thus, we hardly can conclude that Mr. Charles contribute much to the music education successes of the Steel City High School. Meanwhile, the successes of the school band and the improvement of music facilities can significant demonstrate Mr. Charles' ability as an excellent music director. As a result, the chairperson could not recommended Mr. Charles as the director without provide sufficient evidence.(这段感觉没有实质上的东西,虽然想表达观点,但翻来覆去的说没有指出要害.)   Lastly, the author fails to consider that whether there is already a director to plan the general music education programs for the entire Saluda system and how she/he performs. (楼主是想说是否也许已经有好的director了,所以不一定Mr.Charles是最合适的人选吗?其实这个观点是可以用短句子写的.)Even the Mr. Charles has the ability to do the work, if there is one and her/his work is very excellent, it is no need for the school board of Saluda to alternate the staff, especially in that the director before certainly has more experience and acknowledge more about the general education than Mr. Charles.   To sum, the argument above is not convincing as it stands. The haste generalization, the false analysis of reason and results and lack of comprehensive consideration make this memo hardly can persuade the others of the school board to hire Mr. Charles to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system. 楼主在找错误的方面还可以,但是论证上就要继续加油了哦~! 建议看看范文.:)

[ 本帖最后由 番茄angela 于 2006-11-25 10:02 编辑 ]