Argument29 graduate06--Hamming组 自己的第3篇Argument.

graduate06UID: 2223299

Argument29.
WORDS: 397          TIME: 35:00          DATE: 2006-11-28

When Ida McAllister ran for mayor of Lake City four years ago, she failed to win even 30 percent of the vote. But since then, McAllister has made public her commitment to environmental causes. She would be wise, therefore, to announce her intention to close all Lake City parks to automobile traffic, thus following the example of the former mayor of Plainsville, Alecia Yu . On the recommendation of a small group of concerned citizens, Mayor Yu prohibited automobile traffic in all Plainsville parks, and therefore was credited with solving the pollution problem and improving the quality of life in Plainsville. This action would have great appeal to the citizens of Lake City, most of whom participate in the community's recycling program, and would guarantee McAllister's success in her current quest to be Lake City's new mayor.

当Ida McAllister在四年前竞选Lake City市的市长的时候，她失败了，甚至未能赢得30％的选票。但从那以后，McAllister公开了她对环境事业的支持。因而，如果她宣布她将会让Lake City所有公园禁止汽车通行的话将会是十分明智的，这里有Plainsville前市长Alecia Yu的先例。在一小群关注该问题的市的建议下，Yu市长在Plainsville的所有公园都禁止汽车通行，因而被称赞为解决了Plainsville的污染问题和提高了生活质量。这一行动对于Lake City的市将会有极大吸引力，这些市大部分参加了社区循环再生项目，也会保证McAllister在这次市长竞选中获得成。

漏洞：
1.因果关系错，直接无因果关系(Threashoud assumption) 她失败的原因是因为不支持环保吗？是不是还有其他的原因。
2.因果关系错 (confusing concurrence with causal relationship) 紧急汽车在公园里通行--\->他被称赞
3. False analogy 没有考虑Lake City与 Plainsville的区别，在Plainsville有效的政策在Lake City不一定能行得通。
4.因果关系错 most of citizens paticipate the community's recycling program cannotguarentee McAllister's success
WORDS: 397          TIME: 35:00          DATE: 2006-11-28
正文
The argument contains several facets that are unpersuasive. First, the argument cites no evidence to show the reason of last McAllister' failure. On the other hand, the author assumes a concurrence amounts to a causal relationship. In addition, the argument falsely analogize the Plainsville to Lake City. The author also assumes another causal relationship between the citizens and McAllister. I will discuss each of the facets in turn.

First of all, the threshold assumption of this argument is that the reason of the McAllister' failure in last election for Lake City' mayor is due to neglecting the environmental problem. Although it is entirely possible, the argument provides no evidence to bolster this assumption. The argument can be rejected out of hand. (多加一个the)

Another point worth considering is that the author assumes that Mayor Alecia Yu who was praised changing and improving both environment and quality of residents' life in Plainsville results from his policy of banning automobile traffic in all parks. But, the argument cites no evidence to support this causal relationship. It is equally possible that Mayor Yu adopted a series of policies to protect environment, including foregoing one. Perhaps, one of  (多加一个the)them such as building a new sewage disposal plant won the honor for him.

Even assuming Mayor Yu's success is due to his measure of banning automobile traffic in all parks, the argument relies on further assumption that the means which is feasible in Plainsville will validate in Lake City. The author fails to examining the possible differences between the two cities. It is quite possible that the citizens in Plainsville pay more attention to environmental protection than the residents of Lake City. In this case, the argument remains weak.

Finally, the author also assumes that the citizens who participate in the recycling program in Lake City will make sure McAllister' success. But the author provides no evidence to substantiate such causal relationship. Without such evidence, the author cannot confidently conclude that McAllister will win in the election.

At last, the argument can not justify his or her recommendation which is based on the scant evidence. To strengthen it the argument the author would have to provide that the reason of McAllister' failure is attribute to neglecting the Plainsville environmental problem. To better evaluate the argument we need more information that Mayor Yu's success is due to banning automobile traffic in parks and this policy will be welcome in Lake City-- that McAllister is indeed the best candidate.

练习时写了450，结果限时只写了400左右，看来还是不熟练，比上次好了些，我会继续加油！！:) :D

[ 本帖最后由 graduate06 于 2006-11-29 08:31 编辑 ]

rt860113UID: 2256886

WORDS:397          TIME: 35:00         DATE: 2006-11-28
The argument contains several facets thatare unpersuasive. First(和下段的first of all是不是有点重复，可否考虑改成In thefirst instance), the argument cites no evidence to showthe reason of last McAllister' failure. On the otherhand(用这种两者之间的转折词是否恰当), the author assumes a concurrence amounts to a causalrelationship. In addition, the argument falsely analogizes the Plainsville toLake City. The author also assumes another causal relationship between the citizen（s） and McAllister. I will discuss each of the facets in turn.

First of all, the threshold（这个名词的用法应该是the threshold of）assumptionof this argument (可否考虑改为thethreshold of assumptions in this argument)is that thereason of the McAllister' failure inlastelection for Lake City' mayor is due to neglecting the environmental problem.Although it is entirely(这个词是否太绝对了，换成highly/greatly可能会好一些) possible, the argument provides no convincing evidence to bolster this assumption. Theargument can be rejected out of hand.(In this case,the argument can be disproved out of hand.你觉得disprove和reject相比哪个更好一些？？)

Another point worth considering is that the author（换成arguer是不是更好，以下同） assumes that Mayor Alecia Yu who was praised for changing and improving both environment andquality of residents' life in Plainsville results from his policy of banningautomobile traffic in all parks. But, the argument cites no evidence to supportthis causal relationship. It is equally possible that Mayor Yu adopted a seriesof policies to protect environment, including foregoing one. Perhaps, one of  them such as building a newsewage disposal plant won the honor for him.(挺好的，举例反驳，值得学习啊)

Even assuming Mayor Yu's success is due to his measure of banning automobiletraffic in all parks, the argument relies on further assumption that the meanswhich is feasible in Plainsville will validate in Lake City. The author fails to examine the possible differences between the twocities. It is quite possible that citizens inPlainsville pay more attention to environmental protection than the resident(s) of Lake City. In this case, the argument remainsweak.

Finally(与下文的At last有重复), the author(arguer) alsoassumes that the citizen（s） who participate（s） in the recycling program in Lake City will make sure McAllister'success. But the author (arguer) provides no evidence to substantiate such causalrelationship. Without such evidence, the author (arguer) cannot confidently conclude that McAllisterwill win in the election.(条理很清晰，但是感觉有些单薄，也许像上第三段那样加一些深入的分析或类比的例子会更好，如果不太可行也可以考虑把它和别的段落合一下—简洁路线)

At last, the argument can not justify his or herrecommendation which is based on the scant evidence.（这句话没有太明白，the argument can not justify论点不能证明？recommendation是表示什么意思呢？推荐？） To strengthen it the argument the author（arguer） would have to provide that the reason of McAllister' failure is attribute toneglecting the Plainsville environmental problem.（the reason isattribute to还是failure is attribute to? the evidence that McAllister'failure is attribute to neglecting the Plainsville environmental problem.beattribute 应该是归因于的意思） To better evaluate the argument weneed more information that Mayor Yu's success is due to banning automobiletraffic in parks and this policy will be welcome in Lake City-- that McAllisteris indeed the best candidate.
整体来说文章还是很不错的，值得我学习的地方有很多，当然也存在一些问题，文中我做修改的地方也许不是错误，只是一些我认为更好一些的表达方式，仅供参考。这是我第一次修改文章，:loveliness:有什么关于修改方面的建议还望提出，以便我以后改进，很高兴能修改你的文章，希望大家能在不断的互改过程能够不断进步！！
:victory::handshake
注：绿色的是我自己表达方法；红色是存在问题的地方；蓝色是注解；桔色是我认为文章比较出彩的地方。