issue46 12月高强 第三次作业

sunnie_518UID: 2136235

TOPIC: ISSUE46 - "While some leaders in government, sports, industry, and other areas attribute their success to a well-developed sense of competition, a society can better prepare its young people for leadership by instilling in them a sense of cooperation."
WORDS: 633         TIME: 1:00:00        DATE: 2006-12-4

提纲 1: 好的领导要了解竞争的益处
     2 合作意识一样重要
     3 竞争和合作使相互交融的
      
It is universally acknowledged that a well-developed sense of competition can contribute much to leaders' success in different areas such as government, sports and industry. While, as the trend of globalization, the cooperative sense has became an increasingly important and indispensable element to success of individuals, communities or even nations. As result of that, the cultivation of both competitive and cooperative awareness is of exaggerated importance for a society aiming to better preparing its future leaders.

Unless with the sense of competition, leaders of any society can never lead his/her people to win in the competitive world. Competition is the essential driving force of each individual and thus motivation of society progress which is composed of individuals. The competitive impulse fosters the desire for excellence. It is the responsibility of social leaders to create a healthy atmosphere of competition under which the subsequent improvements will generate. This can be illustrated by transformation of Chinese market policy. Decades ago, the planned economy policy was praised by Chinese leaders. This policy in which government played a key role to run entire business of nation is featured as absolute equality and eliminates any chance for competition. Unfortunately, these government-run businesses are ineffective due to lack of competition and then result in low productive capability and poor welfare of entire population. Realizing the disadvantages of such policy and desiring to reverse the straggling situation in China and catch up with developed countries, leaders have decided to transform the old economic system killing the spirit of competition into the new one encouraging competitive awareness. Individuals and companies alike for sake of survival in competition must continue to improve their services and products, and consequently, the entire society prospers, at least economically. Owing to the vitality of competitiveness, China can experience the prosperity than ever before.

However, to lead his people to win in a competition against external competitors, a leader must have the ability to enhance cooperation among them. Competition is not always a good thing to have, which can not and does not produce win-win situation. On the contrary, through cooperation with others, all participants can benefit from it. In business field, teamwork as whole can naturally produce an overall greater productivity through the concept of "synergy" The task of a good business leader is to set a common goal and corresponding rewards by which his teammates are motivated to interact with their colleagues towards a collective efforts. Zhang ReiMing- CEO of Glanze and a very famous entrepreneur in China, who is well-known as a cheerleader in the personal interview of CCTV3 2006 has said (and I paraphrase) that "there is no special knack for me to success. What I has done just make my employees feel better about themselves and let every single person in the company must understand the essence of the business and then create an environment in which they respect and cooperate with others. Scarcely have all the people been combined together firmly, when maximum potentials of them can be extracted and our tasks can be accomplished effectively and efficiently". Just as the famous man mentioned, skills of motivating both individuals and team as a whole are a grave challenge to but, more importantly, necessary capability of an outstanding leader.

Notwithstanding as seemly distinctive concepts, sense of competition and cooperation are dependent on each other. Actually, as an excellent competitor, not only can he compete with others who exceed him in some aspects without fears and jealousy but he should breed the spirit of cooperation, willingness to help each other and nurture one's feeling of community. It is the increasingly fierce competition in human society that acts as the catalyst promoting intensely cooperative desire.

In summary, to be qualified and successful leaders, individuals should be equipped with sense of competition and cooperation together.

[ 本帖最后由 iq28 于 2007-6-26 02:25 编辑 ]

最後の使徒UID: 2257608

It is universally acknowledged that a well-developed sense of competition can contribute much to leaders' success in different areas such as government, sports and industry. While, as the trend of globalization, the cooperative sense has became an increasingly important and indispensable element to(for) success of individuals, communities or even nations. As (a) result of that, the cultivation of both competitive and cooperative awareness is of exaggerated importance for a society aiming to better preparing its future leaders.

Unless with the sense of competition, leaders of any society can never lead his/her people to win in the competitive world. Competition is the essential driving force of each individual and thus motivation of society progress which is composed of individuals. The competitive impulse fosters the desire for excellence. It is the responsibility of social leaders to create a healthy atmosphere of competition under which the subsequent improvements will generate. This can be illustrated by transformation of Chinese market policy. Decades ago, the planned economy policy was praised by Chinese leaders. This policy in which government played a key role to run entire business of nation is featured as absolute equality and eliminates any chance for competition. Unfortunately, these government-run businesses are (were) ineffective due to lack of competition and then resulted in low productive capability and poor welfare of entire population. Realizing the disadvantages of such policy and desiring to reverse the straggling situation in China and catch up with developed countries(两个AND，层次不太明显，建议一个换成as well as), leaders have decided to transform the old economic system killing the spirit of competition into the new one encouraging competitive awareness. Individuals and companies alike for sake of survival in competition must continue to improve their services and products, and consequently, the entire society prospers, at least economically.(这个例子很不错, 不过改革以后的情况有些少了吧? 至少提到下free market, currency policy之类的吧, 这样再去说竞争就显得更有依据) Owing to the vitality of competitiveness, China can experience the prosperity than ever before.

However, to lead his people to win in a competition against external competitors, a leader must have the ability to enhance cooperation among them. Competition is not always a good thing to have, which can not and does not produce win-win situation(这后半话绝对了吧?刚才你就是在论证竞争能双赢啊). On the contrary, through cooperation with others, all participants can benefit from it. In business field, teamwork as whole can naturally produce an overall greater productivity through the concept of "synergy" The task of a good business leader is to set a common goal and corresponding rewards by which his teammates are motivated to interact with their colleagues towards a collective efforts. Zhang ReiMing- CEO of Glanze and a very famous entrepreneur in China, who is well-known as a cheerleader in the personal interview of CCTV3 2006 has said (and I paraphrase) that "there is no special knack for me to success. What I has done just make my employees feel better about themselves and let every single person in the company must understand the essence of the business and then create an environment in which they respect and cooperate with others. Scarcely have all the people been combined together firmly, when maximum potentials of them can be extracted and our tasks can be accomplished effectively and efficiently".(作为引用而言是不是有点长了, 给人以削弱你自己的观点的印象) Just as the famous man mentioned, skills of motivating both individuals and team as a whole are a grave challenge to but, more importantly, necessary capability of an outstanding leader.

Notwithstanding as seemly distinctive concepts, sense of competition and cooperation are dependent on each other. Actually, as an excellent competitor, not only can he compete with others who exceed him in some aspects without fears and jealousy but he should breed the spirit of cooperation, willingness to help each other and nurture one's feeling of community. It is the increasingly fierce competition in human society that acts as the catalyst promoting intensely cooperative desire.(这段没充分展开怪可惜的, 一般平衡论点中最重要的往往是第三个body, 也就是两方面论证完以后那个, 因为深入分析正反二者的辨证关系会让你的文章变得更有深度)

In summary, to be qualified and successful leaders, individuals should be equipped with sense of competition and cooperation together.(结尾有些潦草了, 而且落脚点从young people跑到individuals上去了, 有跑题的嫌疑)

总体而言语言流畅结构清晰观点明确, 是篇不错的ISSUE.
我的建议是要在"深度"上下点力气, 毕竟如果大家的语言都到位的话写出这种平衡论点的文章并不难, 但要想把一些问题从社会学,哲学的层面上去分析清楚,理清头绪就难能可贵了.
另外有些例子的解释不够充分(GLANZE那个), 还有些是例子叙述不太充分(市场经济的那个), 而且可能是因为这两段过于偏重能力本身, 而忽略了题目中那个young people的问题, 我自己写的时候也有这个问题, 于是到后来狂加了两段把话题拉回young people, 觉得如果脱离了这个写文章会显得切题不全面, 虽然不用象修锐说的那样把ISSUE中提到每个领域都说到, 但至少要把题目的意思充分地表达出来.

[ 本帖最后由 lastangel 于 2006-12-5 15:33 编辑 ]

sunnie_518UID: 2136235

我写的时候，不自觉的就跑掉了，郁闷，估计要在第三段的时候，强调一下youngmen