Issue185 请yaoyao斑竹帮我看看，感谢

aefiterUID: 2134740

TOPIC: ISSUE185 - "Scandals-whether in politics, academia, or other areas-can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could."


Scandals are not favorable for the progress in many areas in our society. However some people do not hold this idea because scandals are to them some kind of tools to be exploited. As fans in the show business will be exceptionally appealed with some scandals of their noticed figures, social reformers will favor some political scandals as telling evidence to bolster their political attempts for better or worse. Generally speaking, scandals will mean different to different group of people of our society. However, some undeniable consensus is scandals cannot be categorized as the favorable social phenomenon to each member of our society, and to the society as a whole.

Admittedly, scandals do show some effect to certain people as tools to realize their attempts, or are simply to be trifled with as a form of entertainment. These special benefits of scandals applied to reformers and fans of some figures in show business. Political reformists may sometimes welcome scandals as promptive forces to their initiated refomration of the social institution. We need look no further than the American society to show the function of scandals in this sense. When a bout of reform is widespread over the country, often some persons, especially leaders involved in a scandal, are the trigger. Either inequal handle of rights in minor ethnic groups, or the disdainful concealment of presidential overuse of power have become very typical examples to show us how scandals later initiate a powerful turmoil to the society.

While reformers favor scandals for its blatant impairment of the public good, some other people may simply be appealed by personal scandals for their own entertainment. In the stage of show business, it appears that no stars without some kind of shameful blot can achieve the fame among his or her fans. Both of the two example well illustrate the feature of scandals to attract some persons' notice. However, not all these features are significantly beneficial to the progress of society.

Undeniable is the function of scandals to help reformers rectify some sectors of the society. In some extreme cases, reformers will produce intentional or plotted scandals on some leaders of the government to steer the public notice and concerns. Regardless of whether reformers are working for the well being of the society, scandals do help reformers a lot. Republicans and Democrats in America is a compelling example to show this feature. However, we have to falter to conclude these scandals are all beneficial to the society. As the inter-party conflict shows, scandals may sometimes mislead the public impression of some persons. Although these scandals are all exploited to drive the public ideas toward a reform, not all reforms are favorable to the social progress.

Even we confine the scandals to the naturally generated ones, which may bear more possibility to indicate the defects in the institutions of the society, scandals do not become a solution to this social imperfectivity singly without the participation of speakers and reformers. The indispensable role of reformers and speakers in the process of promoting social well-being can be found in the political reality in Africa. As many scandals are exposed to the public about the governmental procedures, no significant progress has be realized over the past several decades. Because members of the society do not form a determinant force to better their government for the pressure to survive under severe conditions, very little individuals are assembled to work for the common good of that society.

To conclude this issue, we can find the complexity of the functions of scandals in the society. In the first place, the kind of scandals to be used for the social progress is limited, because some scandals are trifled with by public as a form of entertainment. Moreover, we cannot equate scandals as a factor for the progress of the society, and then intentionally look forward to them. Without the participation of reformers and speakers, scandals could only expose the ugly reality of the society, and cause much apprehension of the public about their rights and benefits.

ernest81888UID: 2247639

:) 这篇我定了

ernest81888UID: 2247639

TOPIC: ISSUE185 - "Scandals-whether in politics, academia, or other areas-can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could."


Scandals are not favorable for the progress in many areas in our society. However some people do not hold this idea because scandals are to them some kind of tools to be exploited.(病句) As fans in the show business (第一段就举例子貌似不太好)will be exceptionally appealed with some scandals of their noticed figures, social reformers will favor some political scandals as telling evidence to bolster their political attempts for better or worse. Generally speaking, scandals will mean different to different group of people of our society. However, some undeniable consensus is scandals cannot be categorized as the favorable social phenomenon to each member of our society, and to the society as a whole.

你的观点是看懂了,但是你写的比较模糊,第一段,你该开门见山的写出自己的观点.到底是同意还是不同意作者的观点.


Admittedly, scandals do show some effect to certain people as tools to realize their attempts, or are simply to be trifled with as a form of entertainment. These special benefits of scandals applied to reformers and fans of some figures in show business. Political reformists may sometimes welcome scandals as promptive forces to their initiated refomration of the social institution. We need look no further than the American society to show the function of scandals in this sense. When a bout of reform is widespread over the country,(病句) often some persons, especially leaders involved in a scandal, are the trigger. Either inequal handle of rights in minor ethnic groups, or the disdainful concealment of presidential overuse of power have become very typical examples to show us how scandals later initiate a powerful turmoil to the society.

句子写的是不错,但是没有例子,很可惜啊

While reformers favor scandals for its blatant impairment of the public good, some other people may simply be appealed by personal scandals for their own entertainment. In the stage of show business, it appears that no stars without some kind of shameful blot can achieve the fame among his or her fans. (写的有点太过绝对了,不一定哦)Both of the two example well illustrate the feature of scandals to attract some persons' notice. However, not all these features are significantly beneficial to the progress of society.



Undeniable is the function of scandals to help reformers rectify some sectors of the society. In some extreme cases, reformers will produce intentional or plotted scandals on some leaders of the government to steer the public notice and concerns. Regardless of whether reformers are working for the well being of the society, scandals do help reformers a lot. Republicans and Democrats in America is a compelling example to show this feature. However, we have to falter to conclude these scandals are all beneficial to the society. As the inter-party conflict shows, scandals may sometimes mislead the public impression of some persons.(这句写的不错哦) Although these scandals are all exploited to drive the public ideas toward a reform, not all reforms are favorable to the social progress.

举了个民主党和共和党的例子,但是总觉得不是实例.而且可以稍微写的详细点



Even we confine the scandals to the naturally generated ones, which may bear more possibility to indicate the defects in the institutions of the society, scandals do not become a solution to this social imperfectivity singly without the participation of speakers and reformers. The indispensable role of reformers and speakers in the process of promoting social well-being can be found in the political reality in Africa. As many scandals are exposed to the public about the governmental procedures, no significant progress has be realized over the past several decades.(这句话我绝对你可以改下,不能以中国的国情来考虑,在民主国家还是有用的) Because members of the society do not form a determinant force to better their government for the pressure to survive under severe conditions, very little individuals are assembled to work for the common good of that society.(+后面可以加一句小结)


To conclude this issue, we can find the complexity of the functions of scandals in the society. In the first place, the kind of scandals to be used for the social progress is limited, because some scandals are trifled with by public as a form of entertainment. Moreover, we cannot equate scandals as a factor for the progress of the society, and then intentionally look forward to them. Without the participation of reformers and speakers, scandals could only expose the ugly reality of the society, and cause much apprehension of the public about their rights and benefits.

结尾写的很不错

总体来说本文章主要是不同意作者观点.认为光有SCANDALS不行.写的还不错.层次上,还有带加强.语言上我感觉你基本已经没有问题了

11yaoyaoUID: 177037

Scandals are not favorable for the progress in many areas in our society. our is not necessaryHowever some people do not hold this idea because scandals are to them to them的前边和后边都加个逗号，让其变为插入语更明显一点，句子结构就更清楚some kind of tools to be exploited. As fans in the show business will be exceptionally appealed with some scandals of their noticed figures, social reformers will favor some political scandals as telling evidence to bolster their political attempts for better or worse. Generally speaking, scandals will mean different to different group of people of our society.of our society多余 However, some undeniable consensus is 从句的关联词缺，加上更好scandals cannot be categorized as the favorable social phenomenon to each member of our society, and to the society as a whole.开头有点长了，做的铺垫太多，最后一句还不错，提出观点了，而且很清楚，句子也读着舒服，就是前面太长了

Admittedly, scandals do show some effect to certain people as tools to realize their attempts, or are simply to be trifled with as a form of entertainment. These special benefits of scandals applied to reformers and fans of some figures in show business. Political reformists may sometimes welcome scandals as promptive forces to their initiated refomration of the social institution. We need look no further than the American society to show the function of scandals in this sense. When a bout of reform is widespread over the country, often some persons, especially leaders involved in a scandal, are the trigger. Either inequal handle of rights in minor ethnic groups, or the disdainful concealment of presidential overuse of power have become very typical examples to show us how scandals later initiate a powerful turmoil to the society.不错，很赞，如果完全是自己写的，我觉得OK，读起来流畅，说理到位，每个小观点和说理的后面都有例子补充，可以了

While reformers favor scandals for its blatant impairment of the public good, some other people may simply be appealed by personal scandals for their own entertainment. In the stage of show business, it appears that no stars without some kind of shameful blot can achieve the fame among his or her fans. Both of the two example well illustrate the feature of scandals to attract some persons' notice.直接说，to attract the public就OK了，不用那么麻烦 However, not all these features are significantly beneficial to the progress of society.

Undeniable is the function of scandals to help reformers rectify some sectors of the society. 这里开始我就觉得不大舒服了，这样的转折你第二段时候已经有了，反复的说，就是引不出来你后面的反对，你的中心的是反对，第二段就可以了，第三段和这段的开头还是在不停的HOWEVER，就给人一种着急的感觉，好象就是“我知道你要说什么，你快点痛快的说吧”那意思似的。呵呵In some extreme cases, reformers will produce intentional or plotted scandals on some leaders of the government to steer the public notice and concerns. Regardless of whether reformers are working for the well being of the society, scandals do help reformers a lot. Republicans and Democrats in America is a compelling example to show this feature. However, we have to falter to conclude these scandals are all beneficial to the society. As the inter-party conflict shows, scandals may sometimes mislead the public impression of some persons. Although these scandals are all exploited to drive the public ideas toward a reform, not all reforms are favorable to the social progress.很多时候你都是从侧面或者背后攻击，到现在为止，只有你这段的倒数第二句算个正面的攻击哦，但是又来个ALTHOUGH，而且没有后续证明。

Even we confine the scandals to the naturally generated ones, which may bear more possibility to indicate the defects in the institutions of the society, scandals do not become a solution to this social imperfectivity singly without the participation of speakers and reformers. The indispensable role of reformers and speakers in the process of promoting social well-being can be found in the political reality in Africa. As many scandals are exposed to the public about the governmental procedures, no significant progress has bebeen realized over the past several decades. Because members of the society do not form a determinant force to better their government for the pressure to survive under severe conditions, very little individuals are assembled to work for the common good of that society.

To conclude this issue, we can find the complexity of the functions of scandals in the society. In the first place, the kind of scandals to be used for the social progress is limited, 觉得这句罗嗦了……其实我想你能用更简单的字眼说的because some scandals are trifled with by public as a form of entertainment. Moreover, we cannot equate scandals as a factor for the progress of the society, and then intentionally look forward to them THEN貌似多余. Without the participation of reformers and speakers, scandals could only expose the ugly reality of the society, and cause much apprehension of the public about their their上文没有指代，这里不清楚rights and benefits.
  总体来说是很好的文章啦，读起来很流畅，毛病不是很多，单词语法错误也少，读着舒服，我就很喜欢。论述上面观点很清楚。最大的问题，（也可能不是非常关键），我个人的理解，你的铺垫太多，正面论述少，很多都是在用转折来推你的观点，文章过长的原因也在于此。我觉得其实你如果能够展开的话，这文章会更精彩，你就可以把你想说的，按照你结尾的那样，把前面的论述部分按那三点扩展开。但是可能那样会不太实际，我觉得这文章你的思路还是很清楚的。不过也许可以稍微精简一下，可以不用每段都以让步开头，这样就可以少掉很多句子，直接说观点。虽然让步转折是很好的方式，不过每段都这样用观点就是不是特别明确，虽然我们都明白你要说什么意思。不过这样的尝试也许是好的，至少很新鲜。我没有看过所谓老外280，也没看过什么作文的辅导书，所以我也不知道你是不是从什么地方学来的，不过不管怎么样，这样的写法我第一次看到，也许是值得一试的，不过我们可以有更好的改进也不一定。加油！

aefiterUID: 2134740

我的问题是：准备的时间很长，很慢，没有用过什么模版，文章结构的问题肯定不少，谢谢斑竹的热心修改，以后写文章就知道该在哪个方向注意了。

Thanx Again！