Issue41 [大杀四方 yotta 作业贴] [第一回]

yottaUID: 2176604

第一次写issue，简直不知道如何下手，列出提纲不知道如何展开，想到如何展开又不知道句子怎么写。总算写出来了，欢迎大家批评！

41"Such nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science."

1 存在即合理。这些现象有其特有的价值。
2 人类自古就有对命运的焦虑，占卜有助于减缓这些紧张情绪。
3 占卜等已经形成了一种独特的文化。
4 过分的依赖于此不利于人和社会的发展。
5 应该将占卜术控制在适当范围内。


As one of the famous philosopher ever said, "all that is real is rational", the phenomenon that many people resort to these nonmainstream areas of inquiry illustrate the fact that such activities to some extent meet people's need and there are no substitute for them in modern society. However, if anyone relies too much on these unscientific activities there will surely be a miserable future for him or her.

In the first place, many people, especially those who are not confident with themselves, find these unscientific inquiries are helpful because they can explain some important things such as fortune and density which are always too mystic to be recognized. Though these activates can not give reasonable and sufficient explanation to the results they provide, ordinary people can find relaxation, more or less, in these answers. For instance, in 1970s, after hearing the news that a strong earthquake happened in Tang Shan city in north China, the parents of one of my mother’s friend felt extremely nervous because their daughter were just studying in that city and they got no information about her for a long time. Thanks to the help of a fortune-teller who predict that the girl was still alive without being hurt, the parents believed that their daughter would come home safely soon or later. No matter true or false the fortune-teller's prophecy turned out to be, the vexed patients got a mite of comfort and they could wait for the ultimate result more patiently.

In the second place, many of these unmainstream areas of inquiry have existed for so long a time that many of them have become indispensable parts of traditional and modern culture of a certain group of people or even the whole world. One apt illustration of this point involves Gypsies. These peoples even now live their lives on augury and they have introduced Tarot, a set of cards once used in fortune-telling and now become a famous card game, to every countries. In addition, astrology has now become so popular that many people, especially the youth, talk about constellations everyday and they believe that their character, fortune and even love are determined by which constellation they belong to. In short, many unmainstream areas of inquiry have become indispensable in peoples life and they have immerged in modern culture.

However, it should be admitted that these unscientific inquiries are harmful in some circumstances. For one thing, there is no concrete relationship between phenomenons, such as the movement of constellations or people's dreams, which are used as the basis of prophesy, and the ultimate result. Maybe sometimes fortune-tellers or astrologists can make accurate precipitation, but they can not always find the right way out. For another thing, if anyone pays all his or her attention in these inquiries of no concrete foundation and ignores something of more importance like hard work and good planning, what he or she gets in the end will be failure and disappointment.

To sum up, unmainstream inquiries play an important role in peoples’ life and their significance is embodied not only by the fact that they can realize people's anxiety imposed by the complexity of the world but also by the traditional and modern culture. However, we should always keep it in mind that all these inquiries are not based on scientific practice and superstition will lead to nothing but uncertainty or perplexity.

king888UID: 2285811

第一次写issue，简直不知道如何下手，列出提纲不知道如何展开，想到如何展开又不知道句子怎么写。总算写出来了，欢迎大家批评！
41"Such nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science."
1 存在即合理。这些现象有其特有的价值。
2 人类自古就有对命运的焦虑，占卜有助于减缓这些紧张情绪。
3 占卜等已经形成了一种独特的文化。
4 过分的依赖于此不利于人和社会的发展。
5 应该将占卜术控制在适当范围内。

As one of the famous philosopher ever said, "all that is real is rational", the phenomenon that many people resort to these nonmainstream areas of inquiry illustrate (s) the fact that such activities to some extent meet people's need and there are(is) no substitute for them in modern society. However, if anyone relies too much on these unscientific activities there will surely be a miserable future for him or her.(开头比较好，简练，直奔主题，这个是我应该学习的)
In the first place, many people, especially those who are not confident with themselves, find these unscientific inquiries are helpful because they can explain some important things such as fortune and density which are always too mystic to be recognized. Though these activates can not give reasonable and sufficient explanation to the results they provide, ordinary people can find relaxation, more or less, in these answers. For instance, in 1970s, after hearing the news that a strong earthquake happened in Tang Shan city in north China, the parents of one of my mother’s friend(s) felt extremely nervous because their daughter were just studying in that city and they got no information about her for a long time. Thanks to the help of a fortune-teller who predict that the girl was still alive without being hurt, the parents believed that their daughter would come home safely soon or later. No matter true or false the fortune-teller's prophecy turned out to be, the vexed patients got a mite of comfort and they could wait for the ultimate result more patiently.（个人觉得这个例子有点单薄，一些世界人民都知道的例子会很好，比如象希腊神话中的例子会更好）
In the second place, many of these unmainstream areasof inquiry have existed for so long a time that many of them have become indispensable parts of traditional and modern culture of a certain group of people or even the whole world.（觉得这里的of用的太多了，读起来很累赘） One apt illustration of this point involves Gypsies. These peoples even now live their lives on augury and they have introduced Tarot, a set of cards once used in fortune-telling and now become a famous card game, to every countries. In addition, astrology has now become so popular that many people, especially the youth, talk about constellations everyday and they believe that their character, fortune and even love are determined by which constellation they belong to（constellation which they belong to）. In short, many unmainstream areas of inquiry have become indispensable in peoples (peoples')life and they have immerged in modern culture.
However, it should be admitted that these unscientific inquiries are harmful in some circumstances. For one thing, there is no concrete relationship between phenomenons, such as the movement of constellations or people's dreams(删掉), which are used as the basis of prophesy, and the ultimate result.（这句我知道你要说什么，但是由于定语从句使整个句子不协调，要不加个the result的定语从句，要不改下句子结构） Maybe sometimes fortune-tellers or astrologists can make accurate precipitation, but they can not always find the right way out. For another thing, if anyone pays all his or her attention in these inquiries of no concrete foundation and ignores something of more importance like hard work and good planning, what he or she gets in the end will be failure and disappointment. （2+1的结构，很好）
To sum up, unmainstream inquiries play an important role in peoples’ life and their significance is embodied not only by the fact that they can realize people's anxiety imposed by the complexity of the world but also by the traditional and modern culture. However, we should always keep it in mind that all these inquiries are not based on scientific practice and superstition will lead to nothing but uncertainty or perplexity.
总得来说，你的这篇文章挺好的，结构到语言，到内容，字数也够，希望g友努力，我要加油了，向你学习
你用了很多生活中的例子,很好,看起来很贴近生活
个人能力有限,望见谅

郁香那夜UID: 2249340

首先,谢谢你改我文章啦,改得很好....受益良多
另外,对你的文章的逻辑上提点小建议哦~~

第一段,我觉得有一个缺点咯,开头第一句就引用名人名言会让人觉得老套,建议在名言前再加一句对原题的总体看法,比如"有一点有道理,不过观点太绝对化"之类的

第二段二段用了较大篇辐说占星等活动的优点,足够证明"satisfy human needs",但是是不是可以多点讲它们和mainstream areas的关系,比如相互补充,或者作为主流思想不能解决问题时的"备用观点",这样能更好地证明"they are not addressed by mainstream science"

第四段看起来似乎包含了中文提纲中的4.5两点,但是对占星的控制似乎说得不够.

第五段让我有些困扰,全文看下来直到第五段的长一句我都觉得你对题设是持大部分赞同,小部分担扰的态度,对吧?但全文的最后一句说" superstition will lead to nothing but uncertainty or perplexity."让人觉得立场突然动摇.第一,突然出现的superstition一词,未经解释就等同于satrology 和fortune-telling,第二,nothing一词太绝对了,大辐度消弱了前文对nonmainstream的赞同.

0o0o_zsmUID: 2213544

As one of the famous philosopher ever said, "all that is real is rational", the phenomenon that many people resort to these nonmainstream areas of inquiry illustrate the fact that such activities(个人感觉改成practices--实践行为--比较好) to some extent meet people's need and there are no（no显得绝对化了，rarely吧，或者few） substitute for them in modern society. However, (建议此句用虚拟)if anyone relies too much on these unscientific activities there will surely be a miserable future for him or her（were anyone to lay too much attention on these unscientific activities, a miserable future would be surely ahead.呵呵，水平有限只能改这么多了）.

对了，还有我看你一直用unscientific来表示nonmainstream, 我不觉得两者equivalent,因为在我看来某些非主流的只是未被证实的科学，比如ufo这类超自然现象，你现在还不能完全否定它的存在吧
In the first place, many people, especially those who are not confident with themselves, find these unscientific inquiries are helpful because they can explain some important things such as fortune and density（你想用destiny吧，呵呵，拼错了，而且fortune和destiny两者的意思是出不多的吧） which are always too mystic（刚查了字典，很贴切，学会了谢谢） to be recognized. Though these activates can not give reasonable and sufficient explanation to the results they provide, ordinary people can find relaxation, more or less, in these answers. For instance, in 1970s, after hearing the news that a strong earthquake happened in Tang Shan city in north China, the parents of one of my mother’s friend felt extremely nervous because their daughter were just studying in that city and they got no information about her for a long time. Thanks to the help of a fortune-teller who predict that the girl was still alive without being hurt, the parents believed that their daughter would come home safely soon or later. No matter true or false the fortune-teller's prophecy turned out to be, the vexed patients got a mite of comfort and they could wait for the ultimate result more patiently.

In the second place, many of these unmainstream areas of inquiry have existed for so long a time that many of them have become indispensable parts of traditional and modern culture of a certain group of people or even the whole world. One apt illustration of this point involves Gypsies. These peoples even now live their lives on augury and they have introduced Tarot, a set of cards once used in fortune-telling and now become a famous card game, to every countries. In addition, astrology has now become so popular that many people, especially the youth, talk about constellations everyday and they believe that their character, fortune and even love are determined by which constellation they belong to. In short, many unmainstream areas of inquiry have become indispensable in peoples life and they have immerged in modern culture.（这段论述得很好，例子很贴切，例子之间及论述与例子之间的过渡很smooth，羡慕~~~~）

However, it should be admitted that these unscientific inquiries are harmful in some circumstances. For one thing, there is no concrete relationship between phenomenons, such as the movement of constellations or people's dreams, which are used as the basis of prophesy, and the ultimate result. Maybe sometimes fortune-tellers or astrologists can make accurate precipitation(你得argument也出现了这个词，你想说预言？可是这个词似乎没这个意思吧), but they can not always find the right way out. For another thing, if anyone pays all his or her attention in（on） these inquiries of no(还是绝对化的问题) concrete foundation and ignores something of more importance like hard work and good planning, what he or she gets in the end will be failure and disappointment.（ts说“在某些情况下是有害的”第二种我懂了，是说过分相信不好，可是第一种我觉得不合适，你说得one thing 和another 之间我认为是因果关系，而非并列，“因为没有联系，所以过分相信不好”你觉得呢？）（另外根据你对此段的提纲，你的论证似乎还不到位，对社会的影响呢？当然啦提纲与正文有出入是正常的，毕竟思路是活跃的嘛，只是我觉得这里加上对社会的影响更好些）

To sum up, unmainstream inquiries play an important role in peoples’（people's） life and their significance is embodied not only by the fact that they can realize people's anxiety imposed by the complexity of the world(你的二段有提及复杂性的问题吗) but also by the traditional and modern culture. However, we should always keep it in mind that all these inquiries are not based on scientific practice and superstition will lead to nothing（与楼上相同的看法，nothing太过绝对，况且你是持大正小负的观点） but uncertainty or perplexity.

从你的文章中我学会了一些破题的方法，谢谢。文章角度挺全面的，特别是第三段，谈及了对整个社会文化的影响。用词很丰富，几乎没有重复，很羡慕啊。
好了，水平有限，就说这么多了。

yottaUID: 2176604

感谢king888，OoOo和郁香那夜的悉心批评，让我看到了好多之前没有意识到的漏洞和错误:)

king888：我同意你的的说法，第二段的例子确实比较糟糕，可惜我始终没有想到比较合适的。你说的希腊神话的例子是怎么回事？仔细说说，正好我负责收集例子呢，让大家也分享一下：） 同时感谢你提出的语法错误，我以后会多加留意。


郁香那夜：那个开头我也是看有人这么写就模仿了一下，真没有仔细考虑，你说的有道理，表明自己的态度确实是应该的。对于第二段的内容，我还是坚持自己的看法，因为我觉得这篇issue的重点就是在论述“非主流”对于人是否有用，至于它与主流的关系并不重要，即使在题目中提到了“主流”。我会再去看看别人是怎么分析的，也许我是错的：P 后两段写的和提纲确实不是很相符，不是因为不想那么写，而是能力有限，写着写着就偏离了预定目标，力不从心阿：P 最后一段的结尾确实仓促了些，因为正篇文章写了4个小时，实在是郁闷的很了，草草收场。我争取修改的好一些。

OoOo：你的语感很好啊，提出的几个问题都很professional:) destiny和density的字母一样，我看了两遍都没看出来，另外那个precipitation,意思是沉淀物，估计是我最近看的专业论文多了， 这个词太熟悉，想都没想就写了上来，本来想写prediction。关于语气过于绝对的问题，嗯，以前真没想到：P 第四段的问题如你所说，改成因果关系比较好！