Issue154 【CSMY作文互改小组】第一次作业

ctexUID: 2241178

154."Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators."

Date:12.31       Time-elapsed: 00:57    First edition:491words  Second edition:535 words

In the era of rapid social and economical development leading to the children's educational complexity and importance, the speakers claims that both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools ,and it is too dangerous for children's education to leave solely to a group of professional educators. I can not agree with more the assertion. In my opinion, both the positive and negative effects on education among parents, communities and professional educators call for a balance in which there are reasonable involvement on education among parents ,communities ,and professional educator.

As is known to all, parents and communities play a vital role on the moral concept  for children during their grow-up period. It said that children are more likely to imitate the behaviors of the persons who are close to them. From this angle to say, parents are usually the closest persons to children.  Children will develop their own moral views through observing the opinions and  behaviors of their parents. Meanwhile, communities can provide children with the environment in which they can take part in social activities and contact many kinds of persons. Through interactions and communications with many more persons, children may be able to further  form  their moral views developed from their parents' behaviors and opinions. Therefore, for an better moral development of children, parents and communities are so essential.

If we can say parents and communities will be suffice to educate children from the discussion mentioned above. It is obvious that the answer is arbitrary. Parents and communities are incapable of educating children concerning the sound and full development of children. No matter how important their roles are, however, their knowledge and experience are limited and even prejudicious at some times. So we have to introduce professional educators into the education of children.

Admittedly, professional educators are necessary for children to study the curriculum and knowledge that have been designed by many experts and that have been proven to be beneficial to children's development. Professional educators have been trained through formal studying in normal universities, so they have a more broader and sound perspectives on educations; furthermore, those educators with abundant experiences about how to  cultivate students have more saying on the question of children's education. Professional educators have expertise in their own special fields. They can impart their special knowledge such as verbal, mathematics, physics,chemistry,art and so on to students. Students will be able to form a sound frame of knowledge by studying in schools in which there are a group of professional educators. Consequently, professional educators are also very important to children's education.

In sum, For the question of education is concerned, parents, communities and professional educators have their own functions. It is an ideal combination that each role's functions can have influences on each other and even promote the others' development. We can not absolutely separate some role's functions from the others as the speaker says that the education is so important that we can not leave solely education to a group of professional educators.As matter of fact, We should and we can seek for a perfect combination in which parents ,communities, and professional educators make their most contributions to education .

第二次写issue
欢迎大家拍啊拍
总之感觉这篇organization 不好 ~~~

[ 本帖最后由 ctex 于 2006-12-31 17:04 编辑 ]

stevenhuUID: 172722

Issue154 【CSMY作文互改小组】第一次作业

154."Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators."
Date:12.31       Time-elapsed: 00:57    First edition:491words  Second edition:535 words

In the era of rapid social and economical development leading to the children's educational complexity and importance, the speakers claims that both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools ,and it is too dangerous for children's education to leave solely to a group of professional educators. I can not agree with more(有agree with sth， 有 agree with more sth 么) the assertion. In my opinion, both the positive and negative effects on education among parents, communities and professional educators call for a balance in which there are reasonable involvement(前面用 are 了，这里应该是复数吧) on education among parents ,communities ,and professional educator.
As is known to all(个人感觉在写主题句的时候，不要用这类词语，既然大家都知道了，那再去论证它干什么呢) , parents and communities play a vital role on the moral concept  for children during their grow-up (应该是 growing-up) period. It said that children are more likely to imitate the behaviors of the persons who are close to them. From this angle to say, parents are usually the closest persons to children.  Children will develop their own moral views through observing the opinions and  behaviors of their parents. Meanwhile, communities can provide children with the environment in which they can take part in social activities and contact many kinds of persons. Through interactions and communications with many more persons, children may be able to further  form  their moral views developed from their parents' behaviors and opinions. Therefore, for an ( a ) better moral development of children, parents and communities are so essential.
If we can say parents and communities will be suffice to educate children from the discussion mentioned above. It is obvious that the answer is arbitrary. Parents and communities are incapable of educating children concerning the sound and full development of children. No matter how important their roles are, however, their knowledge and experience are limited and even prejudicious at some times. So we have to introduce professional educators into the education of children.
Admittedly， professional educators are necessary for children to study the curriculum and knowledge that have been designed by many experts and that have been proven to be beneficial to children's development. Professional educators have been trained through formal studying in normal universities, so they have a (后面是 perspectives 了 ，这里就不用 a 了吧) more broader (应该去掉 more) and sound perspectives on educations; furthermore, those educators with abundant experiences about how to  cultivate students have more saying on the question of children's education. Professional educators have expertise in their own special fields. They can impart their special knowledge such as verbal, mathematics, physics,chemistry,art and so on to students. Students will be able to form a sound frame of knowledge by studying in schools in which there are a group of professional educators. Consequently, professional educators are also very important to children's education.
In sum, For the question of education is concerned, parents, communities and professional educators have their own functions. It is an ideal combination that each role's functions can have influences on each other and even promote the others' development. We can not absolutely separate some role's functions from the others as the speaker says that the education is so important that we can not leave solely education to a group of professional educators.As matter of fact, We should and we（一个句子应该只有一个主语，所以去掉we） can seek for a perfect combination in which parents ,communities, and professional educators make their most contributions to education .

第一次改，没什么经验，呵呵。
感觉第三段专门用来转折是不是写的太长了，我认为应该将第三段的内容整合到的四段中，用一句话总结上文，然后顺便带出这段的主题句就OK了。
整体感觉除了个别的单复数错误外，句子写的很通顺，句式很多，而且不重复，长句也很多，使得表达的意思比较明确，这点我要好好学习。