Argument147 【CSMY作文互改小组】第一次作业

nightbreezeUID: 199350

Argument147

The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.
"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."

date:2007-1-1
word:467


提纲：

1 有可能其它公司已经推出这种视频游戏，并不能保证Whirlwind推出该种视频游戏一定会提高其销售量
即使玩家偏好这种游戏，但是有可能负担不了其费用，因此不会购买。
这种游戏需要最新技术的电脑，他们有可能并不具备条件，也不会购买。
2没有证据表明10-25岁的玩家喜欢这种游戏。
3 没有考虑影响游戏整体质量的其它因素。

稍后贴出文章：）

ARTICLE：

In this argument, the arguer concludes that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months. To justify this claim, the arguer provides the evidence that a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. In addition, he cites the result of the survey that players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics. A careful examination of this argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.

In the first place, the author’s evidences are insufficient to support the conclusion. Obviously, author does not provide enough information on the subjects of the survey. While we are informed that players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics and Whirlwind has just introduced several such games, the arguer fails to make clear the exact number of the percentage of Whirlwind’s products in the video games market. If only a small portion of the whole market is Whirlwind’s products while many other companies have already occupied the game market then we should not be sure about the conclusion the author has made.And the players would not purchase the kind of video game if they cannot afford it. Moreover, we are told that this kind of video game requires the most up-to-date computers, consequently, the players who has no the advanced computers would also not pay for it. In the absence of all this information, it is impossible for us to evaluate the conclusion that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months.

In the second place, the premise in this argument is incomplete. The arguer states that Whirlwind has just introduced several games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old. However, the arguer fails to provide any information regarding the people who are fond of this kind of video game. It is very likely that the plays who favor the game are adults who can afford it.

Last but not least, the arguer commits a fallacy of hasty generalization. Even if the most important feature is lifelike graphics in a video game, it does not follow that only providing lifelike graphics can improve the sales of the product. As we all know, the quality of a video game is determined by many other aspects besides graphics.

To sum up, the conclusion lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the arguer maintains. To strengthen the argument, the arguer would have to provide more evidence concerning the percentage of Whirlwind’s products in the video games market. To better evaluate the argument, we would need more information regarding the people who are in favor with this kind of video game and the features of the product influencing the sales.

[ 本帖最后由 nightbreeze 于 2007-1-1 00:20 编辑 ]

yangfangisokUID: 2264598

Argument 147 【CSMY作文互改小组】第一次作业 欢迎互改
TOPIC: ARGUMENT147 - The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.

"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."
WORDS: 305          TIME: 0:30:00          DATE: 2006-12-30

第一次字数很少~~

提纲
b1最喜欢lifelike不代表playe player 会买
b2 即使他们会买也要考虑竞争对手的情况
b3调查的样本不一定是产品的主攻年龄段
b4要考虑长期的发展情况


The memo concludes that sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months by a survey 最好不要完全复述原文的结论，in the survey. But after 增加carefully scrutinizing the details of the survey, we can see the conclusion is groundless.

The survey asked the players what is the most important in a video game gets an answer that they response the lifelike graphics is not adequate to prove that the Whirlwind games will be popular with the players 这句话毛病很多. The game requires the most up-to-date computers, but only few players can have latest computer. Most players have the computes which are used for long time.

In addition, even if they have computer late enough to play such games, it is not likely that they will choose the Whirlwind game. There are so many other game is also lifelike games games with lifelike graphics, maybe better than Whirlwind Maybe other games are better than Whirlwind. Without a survey about other games we cannot deduce that the sales of Whirlwind will be cancel be increase.

Another question is that they get the answer from the players without mention mentioning their age and the game is supposed to conduct at people 10 to 25. It is possible that the player like lifelike games are people older than 25 or younger than 10, so that the cancel the an extensive advertising campaign for Whirlwind games is in vain at last.

Moreover, a recent survey is conducted for the taste of the players at the moment, which may changed change in the next few months by the fashion or other things. They still need a longtime analysis about market. The market is changing every minute 你这段的TS更像个论据，TS写得不好.

In sum, the evidence is not enough to illustrate that Whirlwind games 是销量增加，不是游戏增加 are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months 最好不要完全复述原文的结论. More investigation is needed, such as the condition about the competitors, the more exact survey among people at 10 to 25 and an analysis for the taste of players in the future.

问题：提纲提炼不够