Issue51 【CSMY作文互改第四小组】第二次作业

ctexUID: 2241178

Issue 51：Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.
Date :01-03   Time elapsed: 1:20  First edition words:535   Second edition:600

In the era of rapid social and technological development, education is becoming more and more important. Therefore, nowadays there are many discussion about education, especially about the problem how to enhance the efficiency of education. The speaker asserts that education will be really effective only when it can meet the individual needs and interests of each student. It sounds wonderful at first glance. However, in my point of view, there is no doubt that education should pay more attention to the needs and interests of students ,but it is impossible for education to satisfy every student.

To begin with,  from the aspect of the goal of education, it is aimed to cultivate persons who is well equipped with knowledge and can work for society. As is known to all ,interest is the best teacher. If education sets forth a series of restrictions on the interests and needs of students.,It will definitely give rise to loathe for studying among students. Every person is quite curious about the nature or something else during the period of studying. If students are always forced to study those boring curriculum, they will be getting more and more disgust to study. Needless to say they can  master essential knowledge for future career make contributions to society. Many talents will be destroyed by this style of education that completely neglects the interest and needs of students.

On the contrary, If education can focus more efforts on the interests and actual needs of students, it will greatly stimulate students to study harder and harder and make students be better prepared for the future development. This can be clearly illustrated through  the phenomena that there are so many group on campus whose members have similar interests .These interesting group can provide a good environment in which each  member has the opportunity to present his ideas and discuss with others for some problem. As a matter of fact, there were many great inventions from these interesting groups on campus, Take Google as the example, their  founders worked  together only for a common interesting  goal to design  a search engine for their information. It ultimately led to the birth of the greatest search engine in the world ---- Google. Therefore ,interest do guide students to the way in which they can make their dreams come true.

However, when the administrators  of education commence to giving more courage and freedom to students in order that  the interests and practical needs of students can be better satisfied with. It does not mean that education can meet the individual needs and interests of each student. After all, on one hand, the resources of education is limited; on the other hand, each students has different interests and needs. Even the administrators of education are willingness to meet everyone's interests and needs, Where are the teachers and resources from?  Even there are enough professors, they must devoted most of their time to satisfying the needs of students. Therefore ,they will have to give up their research that is also extremely important for education and society. It will bring great waste of resources in the field of research.

In sum, it is commonly believed that education plays a vital role on the development of a person and the advancement of society. For the aim of enhancing the efficiency of education, education should endeavor to provide a environment  in which there are full of opportunities that can meet the interests and needs of students. However, as for now, it is entirely possible that education should be specifically designed to meet the individual interests and needs of each student.

solohanUID: 2279589

In the era of rapid social and technological development, education is becoming more and more important. Therefore, nowadays there are many discussion(s) about education, especially about the problem how to enhance the efficiency of education (its efficiency这样会不会简洁点). The speaker asserts that education will be really effective only when it can meet the individual needs and interests of each student. It sounds wonderful at first glance. However, in my point of view, there is no doubt that education should pay more attention to the needs and interests of students ,but it is impossible for education to satisfy every student.

To begin with,  from the aspect of the goal of education, it is aimed to cultivate persons who is well equipped with knowledge and can work for society(直接说education is aimed to…吧，不然这句话读起来有点繁琐). As is known to all ,interest is the best teacher.(这句话和首句有联系吗？是否应该先说教育的这种大众化会有碍于学生的发展，再给出理由：兴趣是最好的老师？) If education sets forth a series of restrictions on the interests and needs of students.,It will definitely give rise to loathe for studying among students. Every person is quite curious about the nature or something else during the period of studying. If students are always forced to study those boring curriculum, they will be getting more and more disgust to study. Needless to say they can  master essential knowledge for future career make contributions to society. Many talents (如果举出具体的例子来假设，效果应该会更好点)will be destroyed by this style of education that completely neglects the interest and needs of students.( 逻辑有点混乱，正反不要夹在一块儿了，有先有后)

On the contrary, If (if) education can focus more efforts on the interests and actual needs of students, it will greatly stimulate students to study harder and harder and make students be better prepared for the future development. This can be clearly illustrated through  the phenomena that there are so many group on campus whose members have similar interests .These interesting group can provide a good environment in which each  member has the opportunity to present his ideas and discuss with others for some problem. As a matter of fact, there were many great inventions from these interesting groups on campus, Take Google as the example, their  founders worked  together only for a common interesting  goal to design  a search engine for their information. It ultimately led to the birth of the greatest search engine in the world ---- Google. Therefore ,interest do guide students to the way in which they can make their dreams come true.
(首先，这段的目的跟上一段其实没有差别，只是从一个假设的角度来讲正面影响。但是上一段的首句并没有得到论证，如果它是主题句的话。同时，该段与上段其实可以合并。其次，在我看来，google的例子似乎并不能很好的说明问题。它似乎与兴趣和主动性更有关，而不是教育，虽然这段是想说兴趣的重要性。但是文章的中心是教育，这样写显得有点偏离主题了)
However, when the administrators  of education commence to giving more courage and freedom to students in order that  the interests and practical needs of students can be better satisfied with(deleted). It does not mean that education can meet the individual needs and interests of each student(嗯？和前一句矛盾了吧^-^). After all, on one hand, the resources of education is limited; on the other hand, each students has different interests and needs. Even the administrators of education are willingness (willing) to meet everyone's interests and needs, Where (where) are the teachers and resources from?  Even there are enough professors, they must(最好不要用这么绝对的态度) devoted most of their time to satisfying the needs of students. Therefore ,they will have to give up their research that is also extremely important for education and society. It will bring great waste of resources in the field of research.

In sum, it is commonly believed that education plays a vital role on the development of a person and the advancement of society (这句话与主题并无关，做总结句显得多余了). For the aim of enhancing the efficiency of education, education should endeavor to provide a environment  in which there are full of opportunities that can meet the interests and needs of students. However, as for now, it is entirely possible (impossible吧)that education should be specifically designed to meet the individual interests and needs of each student. (一方面肯定它的意义，另一方面又否定了它的可行性，给人很失望的感觉，可不可以提一些折中的建议或者展望呢)

总的说来，文章的句子是写得很清楚的。
只是在结构安排上还欠妥。建议写之前把逻辑理清楚，确定好每一段的主题，和各段之间的关系。态度要明确。