Issue130 [认真作文互改小组f_ding 第三次作业]

f_dingUID: 2283047

我的作文简直是没法看了，连我自己都不知道是写的什么，大家就猛拍吧

还要继续努力，一定会成功的，大家加油啊！

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
WORDS: 528          TIME: 1:07:36          DATE: 2007-1-5
The claim incorporates two-fold meanings: 1) The destiny of society is determined by how children are socialized today, and 2) we still do not know who to raise children who are helpful in bringing about a better society. As for the former, I concede that socialization is an indispensable part in children rearing, however, the claim overestimates the function of socialization. And I totally disagree with the latter claim that we do not know the art of bringing up children.

Admittedly, socialization plays a vital role in children's later performance when it comes to their devotion to our society. For compelling example, one need look no further than children playing on the basketball ground. There, they learn how to show respect for other peers; they learn how to cooperate in order to win a match and how to refute politely. Also, in this process, they are convinced that bullying is never an attractive approach to high praise but a deed leading to despisation. In this sense, it can not be denied that socialization matters much for the children's later life, for many of their values about the world and the society are formed at this time. And it's these values obtained through socialization that determine how they interact with the society.

However, the speaker’s first claim flies in the face of other deciding factors resulting in children's later dedication to the destiny of society. I concede that appropriate socialization knits people of different ethnics and areas into a large group and keeps our society running smoothly. But how about the knowledge about the nature, our past and our future? Socialization has to give way to these determinants which direct us know better about the world and ourselves. One supporting example involves a physics class where students are imparted knowledge concerning our physical world. The knowledge students gained can help shape their views about our existing nature and may spur their interests in exploring nature. Under such a circumstance, no one can deny the fact that besides socialization other factors are functional in the destiny of our society.

When it comes to the second claim, the speaker is completely wrongheaded. As a matter of fact, a great deal of progress in education has been made in the past years. With the commonsense, one can understand the situation with ease. In the past children in school were only taught how to memorize the facts printed in the book, and it was not necessary to understand these facts. Great changes have taken place in today's education, children are no longer force to memorize but are encourage to think by themselves. In the class of any subjects, students are trained to think critically and are given much freedom for the problem-solving. Hence, it's no doubt we know how to raise our children; we know how to cultivate them so that they can bring about a better society.

In sum, how children are socialized can not solely decide our society’s destiny. To ensure a better society, we need the participation of other aspects such as the education of natural science. Nowadays, we do know how to raise our children in terms of the progress we have made in education.

taroUID: 2286098

The claim incorporates two-fold meanings: 1) The destiny of society is determined by how children are socialized today, and 2) we still do not know who to raise children who are helpful in bringing about a better society. As for the former, I concede that socialization is an indispensable part in children rearing, however, the claim overestimates the function of socialization. And I totally disagree with the latter claim that we do not know the art of bringing up children.

Admittedly, socialization plays a vital role in children's later performance when it comes to their devotion to our society. For compelling example, one need look no further than children playing on the basketball ground. There, they learn how to show respect for other peers; they learn how to cooperate in order to win a match and how to refute politely. Also, in this process, they are convinced that bullying is never an attractive approach to high praise but a deed leading to desperation. In this sense, it can not be denied that socialization matters much for the children's later life, for many of their values about the world and the society are formed at this time(建议换childhood, 比较明晰,连贯). And it's(it is) these values obtained through socialization that determine how they interact with the society.

However, the speaker’s first claim flies in the face of other deciding factors resulting in children's later dedication to the destiny of society. I concede that appropriate socialization knits people of different ethnics and areas into a large group and keeps our society running smoothly. But how about the knowledge about the nature, our past and our future? Socialization has to give way to these determinants which direct us know better about the world and ourselves. One supporting example involves a physics class where students are imparted knowledge concerning our physical world. The knowledge students gained can help shape their views about our existing nature and may spur their interests in exploring nature. Under such a circumstance, no one can deny the fact that besides socialization other factors are functional in the destiny of our society.

When it comes to the second claim, the speaker is completely wrongheaded. As a matter of fact, a great deal of progress in education has been made in the past years. With the commonsense (common sense), one can understand the situation with ease.(此句不解,能否换个说法) In the past children in school were only taught how to memorize the facts printed in the book, and it was not necessary to understand these facts. (这里加上过渡语句会使衔接更自然)Great changes have taken place in today's education, children are no longer force(d) to memorize but are encourage(d) to think by themselves. In the class of any subjects, students are trained to think critically and are given much freedom for the problem-solving. Hence, it's (it is)no doubt we know how to raise our children; we know how to cultivate them so that they can bring about a better society.(这后一个分句的逻辑有点奇怪--- so that... 很突兀得就砸下来了,没看出有什么缘由这样说)

In sum, how children are socialized can not solely decide our society’s destiny. To ensure a better society, we need the participation of other aspects such as the education of natural science. (←还是衔接得不太顺→)Nowadays, we do know how to raise our children in terms of the progress we have made in education.
FYR
整篇的逻辑明晰, 倒数第二段批第二个论点有些单薄.
加油~