argument65 【CSMY作文互改小组】第三次作业 还没有听过对我的argu的意见啊

solohanUID: 2279589

TOPIC: ARGUMENT65 - The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.

"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."
WORDS: 416          TIME: 0:29:22          DATE: 2007-1-6

1. 国产的卖得好并不能说明进口的卖得不好
2. 那个调查是有问题的
3. 改变经营的种类并不一定能提高效益。

The president claims to improve profits by reducing imported cheeses and focusing on selling domestic ones. His reasons are simple: the top popular chesses in last year are domestic, and a survey revealed that readers prefer domestic chesses. However, he not only oversimplifies the relationship among profit, best-selling and preference, but also omits some important factors in the evidence he applies. Therefore, his claim is unconvincing.

Foremost, must the best-selling results prove the useless of imported cheese? The first query is the five top selling cheeses are the same kind from the same place--Wisconsin. It is quite possible that the result is from the difference of domestic places, not of nations. That is the cheeses in other domestic places may be bad-selling, even worse than imported cheese. Additionally, the result is from a newest store. How about other old stores? Maybe the new store fails to promote the imported cheeses like other stores. Maybe the customers of the new stores always eat Wisconsin cheeses so they have no interest in other ones.

Second, the survey the president cited is questionable too. It was conducted only among its subscribers as the president mentioned. Thus how could it be generalized to the whole population since the stores located throughout the country? It is quite the possible that the magazine's point is domestic cheeses so that only those like domestic cheeses would subscribe it. Or only these people would like to reply the survey.

Third, it is ridiculous for the president to expect increasing profits only by change the cheeses types. There is no evidence that the most of the profits come from the domestic cheeses. Even though they are sold well, they may only take a small portion of the total sales. Perhaps the total number of imported cheeses is much greater than of domestic ones. If the stores cut down the supply of the imported cheese, it is quite possible that a large part of customers will not come to buy cheeses. The concentration on domestic cheese may narrow the customers to the stores. Maybe those once come to the stores for domestic cheeses also need other kind of imported ones would not come any more for they have fewer choices there.

The president need to investigate the detail information about the domestic and imported cheeses sold in the total stores to compare the profits they bring. Furthermore, he should know the preference of his customers not the readers of a specific magazine and find their attitude to reduce imported cheeses.

ctexUID: 2241178

TOPIC: ARGUMENT65 - The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States."For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."WORDS: 416          TIME: 0:29:22          DATE: 2007-1-61. 国产的卖得好并不能说明进口的卖得不好2. 那个调查是有问题的3. 改变经营的种类并不一定能提高效益。
The president claims to improve profits by reducing imported cheeses and focusing on selling domestic ones. His reasons are simple: the top popular chesses in last year are domestic, and a survey revealed that readers prefer domestic chesses. However, he not only oversimplifies the relationship among profit, best-selling and preference, but also omits some important factors in the evidence he applies. Therefore, his claim is unconvincing.

Foremost, must the best-selling results prove the useless of imported cheese? The first query is 【that】the five top selling cheeses are the same kind from the same place--Wisconsin. It is quite possible that the result is from the difference of domestic places, not of nations. That is 【多余了】the cheeses in other domestic places may be bad-selling, even worse than imported cheese. Additionally, the result is from a newest store. How about other old stores? Maybe the new store fails to promote the imported cheeses like other stores？？. Maybe the customers of the new stores always eat Wisconsin cheeses so they have no interest in other ones.

Second, the survey the president cited is questionable too. It was conducted only among its subscribers as the president mentioned. Thus how could it be generalized to the whole population since the stores located throughout the country? It is quite the【deleted】 possible that the magazine's point is domestic cheeses so that only those like domestic cheeses would subscribe it. Or only【mere？】 these people would like to reply the survey.

Third, it is ridiculous for the president to expect increasing profits only by change the cheeses types. There is no evidence that the most of the profits come from the domestic cheeses. Even though they are sold well, they may only take a small portion of the total sales. Perhaps the total number of imported cheeses is much greater than of domestic ones. If the stores cut down the supply of the imported cheese, it is quite possible that a large part of customers will not come to buy cheeses. The concentration on domestic cheese may narrow the customers to the stores. Maybe those once come 【came】to the stores for domestic cheeses also need other kind of imported ones would not come any more for they have fewer choices there.

The president need to investigate the detail information about the domestic and imported cheeses sold in the total stores to compare the profits they bring 【respectively】. Furthermore, he should know the preference of his customers not the readers of a specific magazine and find their attitude to reduce imported cheeses.

向solohan学习！呵呵

[ 本帖最后由 ctex 于 2007-1-12 20:43 编辑 ]

stevenhuUID: 172722

The president claims to improve profits by reducing imported cheeses and focusing on selling domestic ones. His reasons are simple: the top popular chesses in last year are domestic, and a survey revealed that readers prefer domestic chesses. However, he not only oversimplifies the relationship among profit, best-selling and preference, but also omits some important factors in the evidence he applies. Therefore, his claim is unconvincing.

Foremost, must the best-selling results prove the useless of imported cheese? The first query is the five top selling cheeses are the same kind from the same place--Wisconsin. It is quite possible that the result is from the difference of domestic places, not of nations. [这句写的不好，就像你下面说得，他本来就是从一个store得到的数据] That is the cheeses in other domestic places may be bad-selling, even worse than imported cheese. Additionally, the result is from a newest store. How about other old stores? Maybe the new store fails to promote the imported cheeses like other stores. Maybe the customers of the new stores [再次纠正，是store] always eat Wisconsin cheeses so they have no interest in other ones.[按照我的习惯一般都最后来个总结，否则感觉太突兀了，不过这只是个建议]

Second, the survey the president cited is questionable too. It was conducted only among its subscribers as the president mentioned. Thus how could it be generalized to the whole population since the stores 【are】 located throughout the country? It is quite the【去掉the】 possible that the magazine's point is domestic cheeses so that only those like domestic cheeses would subscribe it. Or only these people would like to reply the survey.

Third, it is ridiculous for the president to expect increasing profits only by change 【changing】 the cheeses types. There is no evidence that the most 【这里缺个名词吧，建议part】of the profits come 【单数 comes】from the domestic cheeses. Even though they are sold well, they may only take a small portion of the total sales. Perhaps the total number of imported cheeses is much greater than 【少一个that】of domestic ones. If the stores cut down the supply of the imported cheese, it is quite possible that a large part of customers will not come to buy cheeses. The concentration on domestic cheese may narrow the customers to the stores. Maybe those 【who】 once come to the stores for domestic cheeses also need other kind of imported ones would not come any more for they have fewer choices there.

The president need【needs】 to investigate the detail information about the domestic and imported cheeses sold in the total stores to compare the profits they bring. Furthermore, he should know the preference of his customers not the readers of a specific magazine and find their attitude 【attitudes】 to reduce imported cheeses.

开头很好，我写开头总是写的特别长，要向你学习。
文章的时态注意一下，开头用的是一般现在时，后来又用过去时了。我虽然不知道标准应该用什么，但觉着一致就好。
结构不错，但是中间感觉论证的过程比较仓促，都是举点反例，应该指明它到底缺少什么。
如果这个也是限时的，感觉总体写的还是很好的。
我最近是越写越郁闷了 大家一起加油啊！！！