issue56 0706G-自由女神作文互改小组】hema的第三次作业

hemaUID: 2190745

Everyday, everywhere, so many things occur at any time. These things change our lives, our society in any ways. What can we do? We could not wait and accept them passively. We should give out some reactions. For there are two kinds of problems, which we should focus more? Actually, both are very important.
Undoubtedly, immediate problems of today, such as wars, natural calamities, drag abuse, crime and so on, affect our lives so much. Our government pays strong attention in solving them. That is absolutely right. As the controller of the society, the government has a responsibility to keep their citizens far away from the danger. I remembered that tornado hit the United Stats in 2006. The American government sent army and all kinds of salvor to help the people who were in trouble caused by the tornado. Still that disaster result in hundreds of houses destroyed and millions dollars lost, however I could not imagine how it would be if the government did none. It would be too serious. The government should focus much on solving the immediate problems.
During the time that government focuses much on solving the immediate problems, we could not forget the anticipated problems of the future, they are important as much as the immediate ones of today. Someone will say that we do not need to think about the anticipated problems, and we will surely solve them at the time they occur. I do not trust them. Let me take the Greenhouse Effect for an example, if we think it is too far away to harm to us, ignore this problem and do noting good with it.  As the effect keeps doing, the trees are less and less, the bergs in Arctic and Antarctic are thawing, and at one day in future there is no trees, no bergs, the sea floods so many cities. So when we realize the seriousness and want to do something, then we will find there is no time. Something we should consider always.
Further more, As I think, sometimes anticipated problems are more serious and we should pay more attentions in. Maybe the effect of anticipated problems of the future will not affect us, but they will surely change the future generations’ lives. We have the responsibility to try our best to create a better world for our descendant. Our ancestor left an beautiful world to us, we have no right to destroy them but focus on the anticipated problem of the future and solving the problems which may cause harmful effect to the future generations.

hedou992UID: 2199425

Everyday, everywhere, so many things occur at any time. These things change our lives, our society in any ways. What can we do? We could not wait and accept them passively. We should give out some reactions. For there are two kinds of problems,(哪两种问题？应该指明吧？不然不知道你在说什么？) which we should focus more? Actually, both are very important.
[本段提出观点，两者都重要，但是应该表明哪两种问题吧？另外全是简单句啊，应该注意变化一下。]

Undoubtedly, immediate problems of today, such as wars, natural calamities, drag(拼写错误，应该为drug吧？) abuse, crime and so on, affect our lives so much. Our government pays strong (可以用strong吗？)attention in solving them. That is absolutely right. As the controller of the society, the government has a responsibility to keep their citizens far away from the danger. I remembered that tornado hit the United Stats in 2006. The American government sent army and all kinds of salvor(这个单词什么意思？) to help the people who were in trouble caused by the tornado. Still that disaster result in hundreds of houses destroyed and millions dollars lost, however I could not imagine how it would be if the government did none(应为nothing吧). It would be too serious. The government should focus much on solving the immediate problems.

[本段说政府要注重解决当前问题。表达很清楚。句式比第一段好。]
During the time that government focuses much on solving the immediate problems, we could not forget the anticipated problems of the future, they are important as much as the immediate ones of today.(前面的we…和they…是两个不同的句子，中间应该用句号或者是and连接) Someone will say that we do not need to think about the anticipated problems, and we will surely solve them at the time they occur. I do not trust them. Let me take the Greenhouse Effect for an example, if we think it is too far away to harm to us, ignore this problem and do noting good(good应去掉吧) with it.  As the effect keeps doing, the trees are less and less, the bergs in Arctic and Antarctic are thawing, and at one day in future there is no trees, no bergs, the sea floods so many cities.(几个句子连接中间一定要有连接词或句号) So when we realize the seriousness and want to do something, then we will find there is no time. Something we should consider always.
[处理预见的问题的重要性。基本上表达出了自己的意思。]

Further more, As(怎么大写了？) I think, sometimes anticipated problems are more serious and we should pay more attentions in(on?). Maybe the effect of anticipated problems of the future will not affect us, but they will surely change the future generations’ lives. We have the responsibility to try our best to create a better world for our descendant. Our ancestor left an(a) beautiful world to us, we have no right to destroy them but focus on the anticipated problem of the future and solving the problems which may cause harmful effect to the future generations.
[本段继续说预见、预防未来问题的重要性。
评论：
文章开头说两者都重要，但从文章看，显得是预见未来问题更重要。从整篇文章来看，好像是缺一个结尾段，如果综合两者比较一下，可能就能更好的呼应文首提出的观点了。
总的来说，文法、表达没有什么大问题。
继续努力，加油！]