Issue130 【CSMY作文互改第四小组】第三次作业

ctexUID: 2241178

Issue130
How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society

Date：01-07  Time elapse:1:00  First edition:555words.

The author asserts that the degree of children's socialization will determine the destiny of society, for this, I think the author's opinion is somewhat overestimated .Meanwhile, The author points out a phenomena in the second part of his assertion that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can make contribution for a better society, I fundamentally concede his point.

First, For the function of children's socialization and the fate of society are concerned, both involve many factors which will influence each other. Children are the future of society. Society is the very environment in which children will take part in and make their efforts. Children have to establish some basic concepts about what is wrong and what is right which is the fundamental principals for their behaviors in future life. We need to look no further the example about whether children should cheat in examination only for a high mark or praise. Some children may choose to cheat if nobody else will know that. In fact, I think those children would bring about potentially detrimental to society when they grow up with that viewpoint. Conversely, the phenomena that a thief in public place does not bring about any reaction other than the victim will put a wrong idea on children's innocent mind. They may wonder why others are so different. They will maybe shape some viewpoint like that. we can say, therefore, the children's socialization and the fate of society are two processes that have influences on each other.

Second, the destiny of society will not be completely  decided by children's socialization. Children's socialization do have effects on the fate of society to some degree. However, society is a complicated body. It involves many things such as the level of civilization as well as the development of science and technology. The higher the level of civilization is, the more prosperous society is; So does the development of science and technology. We can look back a few hundred years ago, there were no electricity and light even no computer and mobile. People at that time had to burn a candle for light or reading at night. They could not contact others like the way we use the computer and internet to connect other person. How great change have taken place in our society with the advancement of science and technology!

Now let me shift to the later part of the author's claim. The author claims that now we still have not learned the way that can bring up   children for a better society. In my opinion, the author may lack confidence on this question. Take the Bill gates as an example, his mother always encouraged him to do his best to do the thing he like best, furthermore, she made him feel wonderful about himself. In fact this is a educational method that positively praise children. Through this way, children always build up their confidence and make a solid foundation for the development of future. Billgates made up his mind of withdraw from university without finishing his credits and then found his own personal company .I think his marvelous confidence was of great importance. By this example, we can say some parents made success on the aspect of cultivating children.

In conclusion, I can not agree the arbitrary assertion about the destiny completely determined by children's socialization, at most partly influenced by it. Meanwhile, I think we actually make great progress on the problem of educate children who can bring about a better society unlike the author claims we still have not learned how to raise children for a better society.

solohanUID: 2279589

The author asserts that the degree of children's socialization will determine the destiny of society, for this, I think the author's opinion is somewhat overestimated .Meanwhile, The author points out a phenomena in the second part of his assertion that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can make contribution for a better society, I fundamentally concede his point. (开头很不错，简洁地提出thesis statement，不过我个人倾向于写成长句，I fundamentally concede that...不知道可不可以呢)

First, For the function of children's socialization and the fate of society are concerned (没太读懂，for ... concerned?), both involve many factors which will influence each other. Children are the future of society. Society is the very environment in which children will take part in and make their efforts. Children have to establish some basic concepts about what is wrong and what is right which is the fundamental principals for their behaviors in future life. We need to look no further the example about whether children should cheat in examination only for a high mark or praise. Some children may choose to cheat if nobody else will know that. In fact, I think those children would bring about potentially detrimental to society when they grow up with that viewpoint. Conversely, the phenomena that a thief in public place does not bring about any reaction other than the victim will put a wrong idea on children's innocent mind. They may wonder why others are so different. They will maybe shape some viewpoint like that.(怎么觉得这个更像是怎样socialize的例子呢) we can say, therefore, the children's socialization and the fate of society are two processes that have influences on each other. (跟上一篇一样，例子还是单薄了一些，且缺乏与之对应的阐述。今后要注意一下例子和论点的coherence噢)

Second, the destiny of society will not be completely  decided by children's socialization. Children's socialization do have effects on the fate of society to some degree. However, society is a complicated body. It involves many things such as the level of civilization as well as the development of science and technology. The higher the level of civilization is, the more prosperous society is; So does the development of science and technology. We can look back a few hundred years ago, there were no electricity and light even no computer and mobile. People at that time had to burn a candle for light or reading at night. They could not contact others like the way we use the computer and internet to connect other person. How great change have taken place in our society with the advancement of science and technology!(科技和孩子并不是一个层面上的两个方面，所以我觉得这段的论证有点牵强。科技的发展也是靠人，这个人是谁？也可能是children啊)

Now let me shift to the later part of the author's claim. The author claims that now we still have not learned the way that can bring up   children for a better society. In my opinion, the author may lack confidence on this question (首段不是说concede吗？怎么都没有同意的一面就反驳了呢) . Take the Bill gates as an example, his mother always encouraged him to do his best to do the thing he like best, furthermore, she made him feel wonderful about himself. In fact this is a educational method that positively praise children. Through this way, children always build up their confidence and make a solid foundation for the development of future. Billgates made up his mind of withdraw from university without finishing his credits and then found his own personal company .I think his marvelous confidence was of great importance. By this example, we can say some parents made success on the aspect of cultivating children. (单纯就例子而言，这段的例子，以及对例子的论述就不错，句子的顺序再调整调整更好。但这段的主题和全文的主题又好像不太吻合了)

In conclusion, I can not agree the arbitrary assertion about the destiny completely determined by children's socialization, at most partly influenced by it. Meanwhile, I think we actually make great progress on the problem of educate children who can bring about a better society unlike the author claims we still have not learned how to raise children for a better society. (结尾较好地总结了全文，但略显平淡了。可以适当升华升华，提点意见建议之类的)