argument2 【CSMY作文互改小组】第4次作业--文章怎么才能更充实呢

solohanUID: 2279589

一方面，不想用模版；另一方面，又不知道怎么能充实文章的内容。 限时写时就在300多字徘徊。修改时，觉得那单词是一点一点挤出来的。写argument发现自己就是在拼命的想可能性，其他原因。大家会是这样的吗？除了这样去反证，还有什么角度可以写呢？

TOPIC: ARGUMENT2 - The following appeared in a letter sent by a committee of homeowners from the Deerhaven Acres to all homeowners in Deerhaven Acres.

"Seven years ago, homeowners in nearby Brookville community adopted a set of restrictions on how the community's yards should be landscaped and what colors the exteriors of homes should be painted. Since then, average property values have tripled in Brookville. In order to raise property values in Deerhaven Acres, we should adopt our own set of restrictions on landscaping and housepainting."
WORDS: 338          TIME: 0:27:50          DATE: 2007-1-11
Edit: 489

1. 没有根据的因果推断
2。外部因素可能影响价值
3。内部的其他因素也被忽视了
4。错误的类比

How do the landscape of the yards and the color of the exteriors of homes relate to the average property values? In which extent, what happened on Brookville would also fit Deerhaven? Lacking of convincing evidence, the committee is too harsh to make a suggestion.

Though average property values increase after the restrictions set up, this not mean the restriction contributes to the profits. Perhaps, the restrictions were never implemented or have been abolished, what the fact in recent Brookville is diversity of landscape the yards and colorful exteriors. Seven years is so long that various factors would influence the property values. Because the possibility of global rise in property values, the tripled values of Brookville may has nothing to do with the environment itself. It is even possible that this improvement is fewer than other community.

Besides, external changes would play an important role. For instance, maybe there happen to be a new subway station in the community, which enhance the value of the place. Or a new mall was opened near the community, providing more opportunities to expose the community to potential buyers. Furthermore, it could be due to the new business zone formed there, promoting more employees buy house in the near region, while Brookville is the only one community there. The committee ignores the external environment of economy would determine the property values.

Besides, he or she fails to consider the internal factors influence the average property values. Maybe it is the wide ground that attract the buyers not the appearance of the landscape and the exteriors of the homes. The complementary of entertainment facilities, improve management and security protection and latest introduction of new plants may attract more buyers and increment of the values of the area. On other hand, it is not sure whether the object-customers of Brookville has transferred from the lower class to the relatively higher class who are richer and would like to pay more. The committee leaves a large gap for people to suspect.

Even it could be proved that the restriction did benefit the property values, the direct analogy with Brookville and Deerhaven is unjustified. The potential habitants in the latter may be different from those in the former. Deerhaven’s different overall environment, house types, and location may have a different effect on the buyer’s decision. The attitude of the homeowners should also be taken into account. If the people in Deerhaven do not like to live in a uniform environment, the restriction would arouse distaste. Possibly what the current buyers of Deerhaven need is such a free space for decoration and creation. Restrictions would scare them and influence the values in consumer’s mind, which eventually devalue the place.
     
Thus the committee should investigate the factors other than the landscape and exterior colors responsible for the property values. To make a sound suggestion, it is necessary to investigate the preference of the consumers, and make a reasonable prediction.  

ctexUID: 2241178

How do the landscape of the yards and the color of the exteriors of homes relate to the average property values? In which extent, what happened on Brookville would also fit Deerhaven? Lacking of convincing evidence, the committee is too harsh to make a suggestion.【开头很简洁】
Though average property values increase 【have increased】after the restrictions set up, this 【does】 not mean the restriction（s）【contribute】 contributes to the profits【是否考虑到前一句主语一致？写成the profits are attributed to those restrictions,这样写是否是强调restrictions呢？呵呵 我也不知道 问问】. Perhaps, the restrictions were never implemented or have【would have】been abolished, what the fact in recent Brookville is 【would be】diversity of landscape the yards and colorful exteriors.【那么在此前提下有什么不同的影响呢？】Seven years is so long that various factors would influence the property values. Because 【of】 the possibility of global rise in property values, the tripled values of Brookville may has nothing to do with the environment itself. It is even possible that this improvement is fewer than other community. Besides, external changes would play an important role. For instance, maybe there happen【happened】 to be a new subway station 【built】in the community, which enhance the value of the place. Or a new mall was opened near the community, providing more opportunities to expose the community to potential buyers. Furthermore, it could be due to the new business zone formed there, promoting more employees buy house in the near region, while Brookville is the only one community there. The committee ignores the external environment of economy would determine the property values.【这段很赞的】Besides,【能否考虑换成meanwhile】 he or she fails to consider the internal factors influence 【influencing】the average property values. Maybe it is the wide ground that attract the buyers not the appearance of the landscape and the exteriors of the homes. The complementary of entertainment facilities, improve management and security protection and latest introduction of new plants may attract more buyers and【lead to 】 increment of the values of the area. On other hand, it is not sure whether the object-customers of Brookville has transferred from the lower class to the relatively higher class who are richer and would like to pay more. The committee leaves a large gap for people to suspect.Even it could be proved【proven】 that the restriction did benefit the property values, the direct analogy with Brookville and Deerhaven is unjustified. The potential habitants in the latter may be different from those in the former. Deerhaven’s different overall environment, house types, and location may have a different effect on the buyer’s decision. The attitude of the homeowners should also be taken into account. If the people in Deerhaven do not like to live in a uniform environment, the restriction would arouse distaste. Possibly what the current buyers of Deerhaven need is such a free space for decoration and creation. Restrictions would scare them and influence the values in consumer’s mind, which eventually devalue the place.      Thus the committee should investigate the factors other than the landscape and exterior colors responsible for the property values. To make a sound suggestion, it is necessary to investigate the preference of the consumers【可以再补充些？】, and make a reasonable prediction.

[ 本帖最后由 ctex 于 2007-1-14 15:18 编辑 ]

solohanUID: 2279589

发现自己好多语法错误啊~~谢谢ctex改得这么细致！