0706G － CSMY作文互改小组-第4次作业

meichengyuUID: 2121098

41. Such nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science. [21]
41. 一些非主流的领域，如占星、算命以及通灵和超自然探索在社会中扮演着很重要的角色，它们满足了那些主流科学满足不了的人类需求。

提纲：
1．从古至今，由于一直都存在这许多主流科学无法解释的现象，那些占星、算命等非主流领域就起这填补这一空缺的作用。在古代，从人的生老病死到天空的打雷闪电，这些超越当时人类智慧的科技水平的现象都可以用它们解释，并且这套系统也越来越完善，使之成为统治者统治的工具。（中国古代奉皇帝为龙之子，天子）

2．当今社会，虽然主流科学发展迅速，但是仍然无法解释世间万物所有的事物和现象。这时非主流领域的存在可以满足人们的好奇。此外现代科学的发展，例如天文学，很大程度可以借助占星学以前对天体等现象的记载来推动自身的发展。

3．再者，超自然学科由于经历了很长一段时间的积累和完善，已经深如入了人们的生活中，很多美好的童话故事和神话故事都源于这些非主流领域。嫦娥奔月，增强人们对月亮的憧憬，促进科学进步。

4．不可否认，非主流领域给人类带来的不仅是好处，也有弊端。当一些心术不正的人利用这些超自然学科蛊惑人们时，往往带来很大的损失甚至灾难。邪教，法轮功


If we cast a look back to the history of human world, it is easy to find that nonmainstream areas were wide spread in people’s life. The author hold the opinion that to meet the human needs which are not addressed by mainstream science such nonmainstream areas as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a pretty important role in society. I basically agree with the assertion for some obvious reasons.

To begin with, in all ages, especially the ancient times, the nonmainstream areas work to explain most of the natural phenomenon that beyond the temporal science level. From the birth, death and diseases of human beings to the wind, rain, thunder and lighting of nature, everything in the world should be interpreted by the help of some nonmainstream theories. For instance, the explain of the eclipse in ancient China that a saint dog in the sky is chewing the moon hands down from generation to generation till nowadays. As time goes by, the nonmainstream theories become more and more systematic. Ultimately, it was used by some emperors to rule their people and govern the nation. In the feudal society of ancient China, the emperor of nation was deified and considered to be the son of dragon or a Son of Heaven. From above, such nonmainstream fields not only formed a particular culture type but also took a key role in the politics of ancient times.

Furthermore, recently, although the mainstream science develops with an unbelievable fast speed, a lot of phenomenon also could not be well explained. Thus, the nonmainstream methods are used to tickle people’s curiosity. The statues in Easter Island facing the sea, the Stonehenge, Bermuda Triangle, etc. are all the typical mysteries which could only be explained by some conjecture bequeathed from our ancestors. Besides, the development of modern science such as astronomy needs the recordation of astrology before.

In addition, after the accumulation and consummator for thousands of years the nonmainstream areas underwent a very long history and already deep in people’s daily life. A great number of beautiful fairy tales were rooted from them. From the Journey to the West to the Wander Tales of Greece, most of these classic literatures make up the main framework of traditional culture whether in the east or in the west world. To hand down and unscramble our traditional cultures, the nonmainstream areas are also worth to be preserved.

Admittedly, every coin has two sides, including the nonmainstream areas. Though they always provide many advantages, the seamy side of them should not be ignored either. When some wicked persons utilize those paranormal theories distorted by them to bewitch people, it may bring serious results even disasters. Take the notorious Falun Gong Cult as an example that it preached diseases should be cured by self not by medical therapy. Then uncounted follower suffered great pain and even suicide at last. Bloody lessons like this are countless, such as the sarin gas in Tokyo subway. All of these were caused by the nonmainstream areas used in bad purposes.

All in all, the nonmainstream areas are the pillars of human culture and science. Although it could be used by some evil people in some evil things, the vital role it takes in our society would not be shaken anytime.

siyuandingUID: 2154137

If we cast a look back to the history of human world, it is easy to find that nonmainstream areas were wide spread in people’s life. The author hold the opinion that to meet the human needs which are not addressed by mainstream science such nonmainstream areas as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a pretty important role in society. I basically agree with the assertion for some obvious reasons.

To begin with, in all ages, especially the ancient times, the nonmainstream areas work to explain most of the natural phenomenon that beyond the temporal science level. From the birth, death and diseases of human beings to the wind, rain, thunder and lighting of nature, everything in the world should be interpreted by the help of some nonmainstream theories. For instance, the explain of the eclipse in ancient China that a saint dog in the sky is chewing the moon hands down from generation to generation till nowadays. [这个例子是为了说明什么，没讲清楚嘛，天狗吃月能够给人们带来什么好处？解除人们的恐惧？还是满足人们的好奇？你在让读者猜；而且，天狗吃月与nonmainstream areas有关系吗？你要分清楚神话故事与nonmainstream areas的区别。这个例子还是可以用的，需要你解释清楚，不要让读者迷惑]As time goes by, the nonmainstream theories become more and more systematic. Ultimately, it was used by some emperors to rule their people and govern the nation. In the feudal society of ancient China, the emperor of nation was deified and considered to be the son of dragon or a Son of Heaven. From above, such nonmainstream fields not only formed a particular culture type but also took a key role in the politics of ancient times.
[这一段的两个理由好像在打架，成为统治者的工具应该是坏处吧]

Furthermore[我没有看出此段较上段有任何递进关系], recently, although the mainstream science develops with an unbelievable fast speed, a lot of phenomenon also could not be well explained.[这个理由是不是跟上面一段是同一个，此段可以和上段归为一段] Thus, the nonmainstream methods are used to tickle people’s curiosity. The statues in Easter Island facing the sea, the Stonehenge, Bermuda Triangle, etc. are all the typical mysteries which could only be explained by some conjecture bequeathed from our ancestors. Besides, the development of modern science such as astronomy needs the recordation of astrology before.

In addition, after the accumulation and consummator for thousands of years the nonmainstream areas underwent a very long history and already deep in people’s daily life. A great number of beautiful fairy tales were rooted from them. From the Journey to the West to the Wander Tales of Greece, most of these classic literatures make up the main framework of traditional culture whether in the east or in the west world. To hand down and unscramble our traditional cultures, the nonmainstream areas are also worth to be preserved.[这一段还是在讲神话故事吧]
[这三段讲的都是nonmainstream areas的好，层次非常不清晰]

Admittedly, every coin has two sides, including the nonmainstream areas. Though they always provide many advantages, the seamy side of them should not be ignored either. When some wicked persons utilize those paranormal theories distorted by them to bewitch people, it may bring serious results even disasters. Take the notorious Falun Gong Cult as an example that it preached diseases should be cured by self not by medical therapy. Then uncounted follower suffered great pain and even suicide at last. Bloody lessons like this are countless, such as[such as是要罗列，后面不能只有一个例子把] the sarin gas in Tokyo subway. All of these were caused by the nonmainstream areas used in bad purposes.

All in all, the nonmainstream areas are the pillars of human culture and science. Although it could be used by some evil people in some evil things, the vital role it takes in our society would not be shaken anytime.

[我觉得这道题总体上是跑题的，你没有分清楚神话故事与nonmainstream areas的区别
而且就当是讲nonmainstream areas吧，三段三个理由非常没有层次，我觉得重要理由方最后，给人的感觉是递进，才有说服力，就像一些范文说得，尽管用了像furthermore这类衔接词，行文并没有处理好传承
我们第三组成员的文章，加上你这篇，我全看过一遍了，语言功夫你还算不错的，但让我找，我也可以找到许多语法错误以及用词上的问题，仍不可掉以轻心。等我有空了，我来给你挑刺
最后鼓励一下，作业已经到第五次了，坚持下来不容易，不可轻言放弃哦！
以上纯属个人观点，有不当之处请指正，谢谢！]

[ 本帖最后由 siyuanding 于 2007-1-17 13:29 编辑 ]

meichengyuUID: 2121098

这篇文章的问题是挺严重的，感觉心里有东西，就是不知道怎么去划分段落，组织语言。有时间改后再贴上来寻拍~


感谢组长的提点，大家共免，继续努力~！！！