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If the education can meet each student’s desires and interests, it would be more effective, but that is not the only way to improve the education, instead, there are many different ways.(建议首段的方式:陈述作者观点-简略分析-自己的观点)
First of all, education to meet the individual needs and interests is a useful means to inspire the passion of learning of students. When people do one thing, the more interests he has, the more fervor and energy he will devote to. Every student in the school especially in the collage has different characters and interests, if the classes they learn and the major they do are fit to their interests(看不明白意思), they will have more favor to study and harder, that is one step of success. Also, when we need something, if someone gives it to me, we will glad to accept. That is the same to the students’ study.(太含糊,不明确你的具体意思,看了会懵) If education gives something meet their needs, they will be happier to learn than the things they hate, and the effect will be better So I am very agree with the claim..(过于通俗) Nevertheless, meet each student’ needs and interests are difficult(已经表达了反面的观点意思就应当换一段写), that we cannot support every student different classes and let teachers to teach them one by one for their interests. But the collage can pay more attention on students’ character and train them, such as start different interesting classes, have several direction of major let students choose, give them opportunities to change their majors and so on.(这段逻辑混乱,建议重新组织)
Making the classes interesting also will improve the effective of education.(使课堂变得有趣可以提高学生的兴趣没错,但不是本文的分论点,题目不是让你说明该怎样提高学生兴趣,而是教育尽可能满足学生的兴趣是否使教育最有效) As we all know, course is the basic of every collage, as elective courses, required courses and so forth. I am a teacher in the collage; when I teach my course I find that a big part of students always have large desire to learn knowledge, and they hate the teacher who read by the book and talk without enthusiasm, which is the biggest reason to make them skip class. And I also find that half of students in the school do not know what they want to do in the future and what are their interests, the things they do are to accept the courses collage arranging for them. So if teacher can pay more attention on the classes, prepare for lessons adequately, and make the classes interesting with funny methods or practical examples, students will happy and hard to learn, and will have interests in this course. (本段首先一个大问题:论据不能证明本Issue主题,说明你对这篇文章的理解不够,分析不到位;另外例子请尽量不要用身边的事,虽然不是不可以,但这不是托福,必须用学术性的有参考价值的事例)
In addition, giving students more opportunities to take part in some practical exercises or projects and to get in touch with the society can help students learn more practical knowledge.(问题和前段一样,还是偏题了) When students, who just learn the theories in the school, or not concern the outside world of school, leave school one day, they will not adapt the real society well. Theories is the basic of practical, but you know theories not represent you can use it; in the other aspect, if you just learn theories you cannot understand it clearly and you will forget it fast. So if students can do more practical work in the school will help them learn better.
All in all, if the school wants to improve the education, they must ...(从这一句看就可以很肯定的说本文走题了,原因第二段分析过了)pay more attention on several aspects not just only the interests and needs of student, teaching quality and practical are also more important. It is the duty for every school to make education effective, but they should find the problems and lack of him, then to improve.
批的狠了点,建议本文大改。其实初期走题很正常,我的第一篇I130和你这篇犯的是一个错,申题不清。后来大改了一遍就好多了
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