issue147 <米国有米>第十一次作业, 传统和现代化~望拍

ernest81888UID: 2247639

Issue 147 Tradition and modernization are incompatible. One must choose between them.

Syllabus: disagree with the statement
View 1:让步- 虽然随着社会的发展，高科技和现代化慢慢改变了人类的传统生活方式，貌似传统已经开始漫漫被人们所排斥，比如在信息交流上，从书信到E-MAIL，在建筑上，一栋栋旧房屋被高耸入云的大厦所取代。传统游戏变成了电子游戏。

View 2:然而许多传统文化，给予我们生活的真理，独特的民族文化，精美的手工艺品。这些都是传统的精华，它并不会和现代化相互抵制，反而能于其在现在社会1存。

View 3: 许多传统文化，不仅可以和现代化所兼容的，而且更能提高了现代化的效率，达到人们需要的目的（比如，孙子兵法至今还运用与现代化的战争学中，再如人们生病后，也选择中医和西医相结合治疗方法，其次牛顿经典力学依然运用与现代物理理论）

结尾：一边倒的做法是不对的，作为一个现在化新新人类，我们需要，正确看待传统和现代的关系，在努力学习高新科技的同时，不能丢弃传统，在喝可口可乐的同时，品一口亲香的小茶，在沉静于劲暴的hip-hop音乐的同时，欣赏一下古典音乐的幽雅。在通过网络和网友聊天的同时，不要忘记和儿时那些和你一起学习玩耍的朋友say hello问下好。那样的话，这才是我们社会所给我们的真正的选择啊~~~

Tradition or modernization, the speaker provides us an alternative choice. When people prone to either side, they might seem to fail to take into account the fact that tradition does not compatible with modernization. In my view, actually, there exists a more valuable answer or attitude which is inquired for people living in today’s society system.  

It is widely accepted for the world around us. With the development of modern society along with the highly-advanced science, technology has now changed our traditional life dramatically not only in personal value system but in their daily life as well. It appeases tradition which inherited from generations is not playing a vital role as it was before, or even sometimes be excluded. We can see, when it comes to communication, they are more likely to choose sending an E-mail in stand of writing a letter. Also, in realm of architecture, numerous cloud-kissing mansions have replaced the traditional old buildings. For our children, they are now more in favor of taking video games as an entertainment way, but not some formerly popular ones. There is no denying the fact that modernization enriches our life, makes things more convenient, and also let us gain the way to keep up with the high-paced society.

However, tradition which is handed down from generation to generations in a society can compatible with modernization and produce a far reaching impact on individuals, even the society as whole. Take bicycle as an example, although many people claim that, along with the rapidly economic development, the number of people who use bicycle, the traditional transportation, are decreasing and bicycle will finally be replaced by motor vehicles as it will be bound to die out. The information I’ve collected over the recent years leads me to believe that bicycle will continue to play extremely important roles in modern society. Consider the fact some environmental experts pointed out--increasing pollution which is emit from cars or trains, not only causes serious problems such as global warming but also could threaten to end human life on our planet. In view of such serous situation, environmental tools of transportation like bicycle are more important than any time before. Besides, using bicycle contributes greatly to people’s physical fitness as well as easing traffic jams. From it, we could safely draw the conclusion that the tradition is compatible with modernization and still play essential roles in modern society.

In addition, tradition can not only be compatible with modernization, but can also make our modern life more effective and efficient. Such as Sun Tzu's book "The Art of War". It could be seen today's military commanders and even business leaders gather valuable information that provide them a short-cut to success. Moreover, in China, when people feel unhealthy, they may select western medicine therapy as treatment but sometimes they will also take Chinese traditional therapy into considered or choose both in order to recover soon. Further more, Newton’s classical mechanics is still as a basic method or guideline to analysis the real world in physics which help scientists reducing some fundamental research, gives them more time to exploring the unknowing world. From what has been discussed above, tradition still appears to be vital and can not be neglected for us.

In conclusion, it is wisely for a man or women living in a modern society to have a correct attitude on tradition and modernization. In the time we are making great effort on continue developing technology, tradition should also not be rejected or neglected. When drinking Coca-Cola, it also will be healthy for you to try a cup of tea. When you are used to hip-hop, it is valuable for you to enjoy a classical music. When chatting with a never-faced friend on internet, please also don’t forget say a “hello” to you friend in real life who plays and works with you for times. This is what the real choice our society inquires us to choose and is definitely necessary for today’s modern people.

[ 本帖最后由 ernest81888 于 2007-1-24 20:59 编辑 ]

feibingxUID: 2212956

Tradition or modernization, the speaker provides us an alternative choice. When people prone to either side, they might seem to fail to take into account the fact that tradition does not compatible with modernization.[没看懂，注一] In my view, actually, there exists a more valuable answer or attitude which is inquired for people living in today’s society system. [很流畅地引出了下文，又点明了一个more valuable answer，卖了个关子，给人一点点悬念，呵呵]

It[这个指代什么？] is widely accepted for the world around us. With the development of modern society along with the highly-advanced science, technology has now changed our traditional life dramatically not only in personal value system but in their daily life as well.[TS很鲜明] It appeases tradition which inherited from generations is not playing a vital role as it was before, or even sometimes be excluded. [+As] We can see, when it comes to communication, they[指代啥？] are more likely to choose sending an E-mail in stand[stead] of writing a letter. Also, in realm of architecture, numerous cloud-kissing mansions have replaced the traditional old buildings. For our children, they are now more in favor of[And our children prefer] taking video games as an entertainment way[去掉], but not some formerly popular ones. There is no denying the fact that modernization enriches our life, makes things more convenient, and also let us gain the way to keep up with the high-paced society.[尾句与TS呼应，而且都是很漂亮的句子]

However, tradition which is handed down from generations to generations in a society can compatible with modernization and produce a far reaching impact on individuals, even the society as whole. Take bicycle as an example.[建议另起一句] Although many people claim that, along with the rapidly economic development, the number of people who use bicycle, the traditional transportation, are decreasing and[建议另起一句 + As a result,] bicycle will finally be replaced by motor vehicles as it will be bound to die out. [+连接词Nevertheless/Yet] The information I’ve collected over the recent years leads me to believe that[好句子收下了] bicycle will continue to play extremely important roles in modern society. Consider the fact some environmental experts pointed out--increasing pollution which is emit from cars or trains, not only causes serious problems such as global warming but also could threaten to end human life on our planet. In view of such serous situation, environmental tools of transportation like bicycle are more important than any time before.[这里我觉得可以把两句话合起来，不过貌似有点太长了，放在下面仅供参考，注二] Besides, using bicycle contributes greatly to people’s physical fitness as well as easing traffic jams. From it, we could safely draw the conclusion that the tradition is compatible with modernization and still play essential roles in modern society.[bicycle的例子分析的十分透彻到位，尾句也和段首呼应了]

In addition, tradition can not only be compatible with modernization, but can also make our modern life more effective and efficient. Such as Sun Tzu's book "The Art of War". It could be seen today's military commanders and even business leaders gather valuable information that provide them a short-cut to success.[这个例子没看懂] Moreover, in China, when people feel unhealthy, they may select western medicine therapy as treatment but sometimes they will also take Chinese traditional therapy into considered or choose both in order to recover soon. Furthermore, Newton’s classical mechanics is still as a basic method or guideline to analysis the real world in physics which help scientists reducing some fundamental research, gives them more time to exploring the unknowing world. From what has been discussed above, tradition still appears to be vital and can not be neglected for us. [这段有点问题，段首说传统不仅blablabla而且能提升modern，但是举的三个例子都没体现出这一点来。第一个例子没看懂，不知道什么意思。第二个例子你其实可以说有些毛病西医看不好的中医反而能看好，不仅仅是为了recover soon。第三个牛顿的例子也有些牵强，或者说没分析清楚。总的来说这段有点例子的堆砌，分析的不够。包括你最后一句还是回到了tradition is unneglectable并没有说与modern的关系。这样这段的观点就跟前一段没什么区别了。你觉得呢]

In conclusion, it is wisely for a man or women living in a modern society to have a correct attitude on tradition and modernization. In the time we are making great effort on continue developing technology, tradition should also not[never] be rejected or neglected. When [you are 否则后面主谓不一致的]drinking Coca-Cola, it also will be healthy for you to try a cup of tea. When you are used to hip-hop, it is valuable for you to enjoy a classical music. When chatting with a never-faced friend on internet, please also don’t forget say a “hello” to you friend in real life who plays and works with you for times. This is what the real choice our society inquires us to choose and is definitely necessary for today’s modern people.[最后写的很流畅，将原先的题目引申开来了，得到的结论而且十分积极]


总的来说开头的让步很舒服，后面也分析的比较透彻到位，除了第四段显得有些马虎，举得到例子也分析的很好。尤其是最后一段不拘泥于原题，很自然的引申出来。应该能是一篇高分作文的。有几个地方我没看懂，有机会的话可以解释讨论一下。还有就是有些句子似乎刻意要写的很长，有点累赘。


注一： they...fail to ...does not compatible
是说当人们倾向于某一项时，他们没能认识到现代与传统是不相容的。双重否定了，就是说他们认为现代与传统是相容的，那你后面的actually... more valuable answer ... 又有什么新意呢？

注二：
Especially when considering the fact that, as many environmental experts pointed out, increasing pollution which is emit from cars or trains, not only causes serious problems such as global warming, but also could threaten to end human life on our planet, some environmental tools of transportation like bicycle are more important than any time before in view of such serous situation

ernest81888UID: 2247639

感谢FB的批改,我会好好修改的,尤其是倒数第2段,我自己感觉也写的不好

IloveMorganUID: 2209413

顶一个,本周是你和我啊。完了我来看看,有点事,我必须忙去了.。呵呵