issue41 【076G——背水一战】第三组tongwawa第一次作业

tongwawawUID: 2176887

NO.41  科学与非科学
  "Such non-mainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science."    一些非主流的领域，如占星、算命以及偏执在社会中扮演着非常重要的角色，它们满足了人们的那些主流科学满足不了的需要。
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提纲：
1．  我们需要非主流学科，因为它满足我们的好奇心
2．  在无法用主流科学方法解决问题的时候，非主流学科为我们提供新思路
3．  非主流学科对社会造成危害：例如日本的邪教～呵呵
The speaker asserts that non-mainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits can satisfy human needs which are not addressed by mainstream science, and therefore non-mainstream areas play a vital role in society. I concede the importance and some positive effects of non-mainstream areas. However, undue emphasis on such fields could invite tragedy in society.

I agree with the speaker insofar as non-mainstream areas of inquiry focus on human needs that mainstream science can not satisfy. It is human nature that we are curious about every thing uncertain about the future. We are curious about our future husband or wife when we are young; we are curious about what our children would be like when they are adults; we are curious about where we will go when we are dying. Astrology provides definite answers to these questions, which satisfy our curiosities to the unknown world, even though we are aware of its lack of credibility. Also, when a traditional Chinese old man is told by the doctor that he has stomach cancer and would die before long if he did not risk his life to have an operation, he goes to see a fortune-teller, and lets him to make the clear decision, since neither the doctor nor advanced medical equipment could make a wise choice for him.

Moreover, non-mainstream areas of inquiry sometimes might provide us a new concept with which people solve problems that cannot be interpreted by mainstream science. People, when failing to find out answers by mainstream science, are tending to turn for help to non-mainstream areas of inquiry, the definition of which is here relevant to the conception that is not well known or accepted by all in the past. And this is usually proved to be an efficient way to approach the truth. For example, Professor Prusiner, who is the winner of Nobel prize in medicine in 1997, discovered prions, an infectious protein without DNA or RNA, by upsetting the traditional conception about biological principle of infection. (不知道可不可以对non mainstream 这么理解，实在没啥好写的了）

However, excessive obsession on non-mainstream areas directs tragedy and leads to an unstable society. When proud of extremely-splendid history, highly-modernized cities, and increasingly-developed technology, human beings, although claiming that they are the greatest powerful creatures in the world, are still suffering ignorance which makes people lose their mind. Such as Aum Shinrikyo, a Japanese religious cult, whose members released fetal nerve gas in Tokyo subway stations in 1995, 7 people killed, over 5000 injured, and leaving a vulnerable society full of fear and terror.

To sum up, I concede 先不想写啦实在觉得第三段不对劲，大家帮看看

dallenlinUID: 2247050

Moreover, non-mainstream areas of inquiry sometimes might provide us a new concept with which people solve problems that cannot be interpreted by mainstream science. People, when failing to find out answers by mainstream science, are tending to turn for help to non-mainstream areas of inquiry, the definition of which is here relevant to the conception that is not well known or accepted by all in the past. And this is usually proved to be an efficient way to approach the truth. For example, Professor Prusiner, who is the winner of Nobel prize in medicine in 1997, discovered prions, an infectious protein without DNA or RNA, by upsetting the traditional conception about biological principle of infection. (不知道可不可以对non mainstream 这么理解，实在没啥好写的了）（这段好象例子和论证根本没有连接啊！！全篇只有第一句清楚知道在论什么，后面怎么好象偏题了啊，而且DNA怎么看都象mainstream science)

However, excessive obsession on non-mainstream areas directs tragedy and leads to an unstable society. When proud of extremely-splendid history, highly-modernized cities, and increasingly-developed technology, human beings, although claiming that they are the greatest powerful creatures in the world, are still suffering ignorance which makes people lose their mind. Such as Aum Shinrikyo, a Japanese religious cult, whose members released fetal nerve gas in Tokyo subway stations in 1995, 7 people killed, over 5000 injured, and leaving a vulnerable society full of fear and terror.（你论理和例子都没有衔接的，例子前一句说人们因为无知而失去控制，怎么突然就到了邪教有危害了？！！给个说明过程好不好，我想象力不是很丰富的～．～！！

tongwawawUID: 2176887

唉，我也觉得很失败，连着写了两篇，脑袋都成木鱼啦

tongwawawUID: 2176887

Moreover, non-mainstream areas of inquiry sometimes might provide us a new concept with which people solve problems that cannot be interpreted by mainstream science. People, when failing to find out answers by mainstream science, are tending to turn for help to non-mainstream areas of inquiry, the definition of which is here relevant to the conception that is not well known or accepted by all in the past. And this is usually proved to be an efficient way to approach the truth. For example, Professor Prusiner, who is the winner of Nobel prize in medicine in 1997, discovered prions, an infectious protein without DNA or RNA, by upsetting the traditional conception about biological principle of infection. (不知道可不可以对non mainstream 这么理解，实在没啥好写的了）（这段好象例子和论证根本没有连接啊！！全篇只有第一句清楚知道在论什么，后面怎么好象偏题了啊，而且DNA怎么看都象mainstream science)

例子好像太专业化了，原来的理论认为只有病毒，细菌等含有DNA的生物体可以发生感染，但是这个学者发现了一种蛋白质，这种蛋白质是一种有独立生物活性的物质，可以感染生物体，他的理论可以说是颠覆了以前的理论※％＃……％￥，唉，不讲了，举这么专业的例子不易让人理解，放在这也不合适

kylinUID: 2242436

The speaker asserts that non-mainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits can satisfy human needs which are not addressed by mainstream science, and therefore non-mainstream areas play a vital role in society. I concede the importance and some positive effects of non-mainstream areas. However, undue emphasis on such fields could invite tragedy（这表达好地道吖） in society.（开头不错）I agree with the speaker insofar as non-mainstream areas of inquiry focus on human needs that mainstream science can not satisfy. It is human nature that we are curious about every thing uncertain about the future. We are curious about our future husband or wife when we are young; we are curious about what our children would be like when they are adults（when they are grown up，要不好像太中文了。。呵呵）; we are curious about where we will go(be比较好吧，否则也中文了) when we are dying（when we are dead, 或直接when dead。另：建议把curious用几个别的词替换下，句式也可稍变动，尽管中文支持这样的排比，但英文似乎比较偏爱词汇等略变、意思和大框架不变的排比～）. Astrology provides definite answers to these questions, which satisfy our curiosities to the unknown world, even though we are aware of its lack of credibility. Also, when a traditional Chinese old man（an old traditional Chinese man） is told by the doctor that he hasstomach cancer and would die before long if he did not（is not willing to,时态一致哈） risk his life to have an operation, he goes(may/probably go, 偶们外教说了，英文写作里，除了表客观事实，比如今天天气很好、地球是圆的这种，不要单纯使用陈述语气，加个usually啊always之类，给自己的话留个余地，毕竟事事无绝对) to see a fortune-teller, and lets（asks/requires好点八 呵呵） him to make the（a）clear decision, since （he doesn’t believe，不然就成作者认为医学不敌巫术是真的了） neither the doctor nor advanced medical equipment（怪怪的，机器当然不能为人做选择。。lz可以考虑找个别的词，比如therapy；或者把后面的make a choice换一下，比如neither the doctor nor advanced medical therapy could save his life） could make a wise choice for him.

（例子举完后，最后总结一下，点明它是怎样为自己的论点服务的。也当是为这一段的分论点所说总结。）Moreover, non-mainstream areas of inquiry sometimes might provide us a new concept（1.idea/explanation会不会好点？感觉concept比较偏客观科学的概念。。2.既然是主流科学无法解释的，那么就不存在现有解释，就不存在对比，所以也不能说非主流提出的是新的，我想lz可能是想说in another angle吧～） with which people solve problems that cannot be interpreted by mainstream science（整句话语序很乱：….might provide those problems which cannot be interpreted by mainstream science with an explanation in another angle to us ）. People, when failing(who when fail) to find out answers by mainstream science, are tending to turn for help to non-mainstream areas of inquiry, the definition of whichis here(of which the definition here is) relevant to the conception that is not well known or accepted by all(all 在这里指代什么？) in the past. And（换成Meanwhile一类的并列连接词比较好，And做句首似乎不地道，原来有外教说过，但具体忘了是咋回事了 呵呵）this is usually proved to be an efficient way to approach the truth. For example, Professor Prusiner, who is the winner of Nobel prize（Prize） in medicine in 1997, discovered prions, an infectious protein without DNA or RNA, by upsetting the traditional conception about biological principle of infection. (不知道可不可以对non mainstream 这么理解，实在没啥好写的了）（这个。。好像不能当非主流八。。人家好歹也是获了个主流奖里的主流学科的荣誉吖，而且根据题目所给例子 非主流都是星座这之类非科学的东东～）However, excessive obsession on non-mainstream areas （may 来点推测语气 因为不是必然因果嘛 呵呵）directs tragedy and leads to an unstable society. When proud of extremely-splendid history, highly-modernized cities, and increasingly-developed technology, human beings, although claiming that they are the greatest powerful creatures in the world, are still suffering ignorance which makes people lose their mind. Such as Aum Shinrikyo, a Japanese religious cult, whose members released fetal nerve gas in Tokyo subway stations in 1995, （resulted in）7 people killed, over 5000 injured, and leaving a vulnerable society full of fear and terror.（第三段挺好的呀例子不错不过后面再来个由这例子所得结论就更完美了呵呵）

To sum up, I concede 先不想写啦实在觉得第三段不对劲，大家帮看看

Lz的思路一线下来还是很顺的，只是有些地方稍稍注意下中英表达的差异哈～别嫌偶罗罗嗦嗦说了这么多哈 有些地方我只是提出自己的看法 并不是说lz的不对 其实lz文章很多地方挺值得自己学习的 嘿嘿


[ 本帖最后由 kylin 于 2007-2-1 13:39 编辑 ]

muerghqUID: 2272725

楼上改的那么细、那么好，我都不好意思改了
那我就从结构入手吧:)
开头好，不过好像看到了北美范文的身影，呵呵，我现在也基本上在仿写范文:)
第二段最后的例子感觉有问题，因为这个例子去说非主流的坏处比较好－－迷信、愚昧
第三段对非主流的理解发生了偏差，题目中提到了几种非主流，我们就分析这些就ok了，否则有跑题的可能，而且你提到的例子应该是属于主流科学的吧，我认为
第四段用到了邪教的例子，不错
总体来说，我觉得缺少非主流和主流的对比，因为题目中提到了vital，好像比较一下能论证的更充分