Argument47 ｇｒｅ６．０破解版第二次作文

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In this argument, the arguer concludes that the cooling of the earth in the mid-sixth century was probably caused by a volcanic eruption. To support this conclusion, the arguer cites the surviving Asian historical records which mentioned the loud boom that would be consistent with the volcanic eruption. The arguer also claims that the other possibility of the cooling-a large meteorite colliding with Earth would not stand up because there is no clear historical record to support it. A careful scrutiny of the argument would reveal several flaws in it.(貌似很标准的北美范文开头......如果时间来的及未尝不可)

The prerequisite of the conclusion that a loud boom mentioned by some Asian historical records doesn't necessarily indicate that it is the indication of the volcanic eruption. (TS) Firstly, no direct and clear records prove that this loud boom was caused by the volcanic eruption. It is entirely possible that it was caused by other natural phenomenon like the earth shake or tsunami. Secondly, even if the volcanic eruption caused the loud boom, whether the cooling of Earth was just behind this loud boom is not known (unknown). Because the time (period it happened......我想你是要表达这个意思吧) of the loud boom is not showed in this argument, maybe the occurrence of loud boom was behind the cooling of Earth. If it is happened behind the sudden cooling of Earth, it cannot be the evidence. Even if it happens earlier than it, no evidence showed that there is a close relationship between them.(有点感觉最后一句说:在这之前发生也没有证据;但应该像前面一样在进一步具体说明一下)

The other possible event that might cause the Earth cooling is a large meteorite colliding with Earth.(TS) However, the auger denies this possibility with the reason that no records of that time found mentioned a flash which might be created by the meteorite collision. The arguer might not analyze this possibility thoroughly. The large meteorite colliding with Earth at that time might not create the sudden bright flash of light. It might happen in some other forms, like a loud boom. (感觉硬要说不一定会产生明亮的闪光稍微不妥,可以说发生旷野中没被发现,就像你最后一句说的那样,然后even到后面说即使看到了,不一定记下来可能那儿的居民 are peoples without script(应用NCE4)然后再even到记下来不一定保存至今,这样是不是更顺畅一点啊?当然你那样也make sense......) Moreover, no records being discovered doesn’t necessarily mean that there is no records. It is entirely possible that ancient people made a record of this sudden flash and the meteorite collision at that time; however, it has been destroyed or cannot be found with the time passing. Or maybe this sudden flash (was/......这样的错误......最好还是检查出来) happened in some other part of Earth where there is no people exist there.

At last, the author only gives two possibilities to explain the cooling of Earth. It might be caused by other reasons rather than the volcanic eruption and the meteorite collision. It is entirely possible that at that time the sun might have some unusual activities or the magnetic field of Earth change a lot, all of which might cause the sudden temperature change in Earth.(最好强调一下这些可能也没被记录或被作者忽视......and the author lists no reference to rule out such possiblities......)

In sum, this argument is unpersuasive as it stands. To bolster it, the argument’s author must show the specific records which could prove the occurrence of the volcanic eruption at that time and the relationship with the cooling of Earth. The arguer would also give clear evidence that could prove other possibilities didn’t happen or relate to the cooling of Earth.
(结尾不是很重要,不出语法硬伤个人觉得就可以了哎......不看了就......)

(总的来说写的蛮好,驳的地方都基本驳到位了,有时间的话可以多驳几处,驳的时候微调一下顺序......语言上没有什么问题,小地方注意一下不要让笔误变成重大语法错误就行......)