Argument147 第一篇，有些问题请教拉

maiqidiliwuUID: 2119412

TOPIC: ARGUMENT147 - The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.

"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."
WORDS: 416          TIME: 上午 1:24:59          DATE: 2007-2-11

    In an attempt to demonstrate that the sales of Whirlwind video games is about to be reversed, the author cites a survey which pointes that lifelike graphic is the crucial element. Moreover the author says Whirlwind has introduced several ones of such and makes abundant ads directed at his major customers. At first glance, the argument appears to be somehow plausible, but further reflection reveals that it suffers from several logic flaws.
   No evidence has showed that consumers will deicide which to buy solely depending on the image effect, although considered as the key feature. Obviously there are other elements influencing the consumers. First of all, price will be top of the list. If the price is too high, we cannot expect the sales up. Because our major consumers are the youth most of whom are not financial independent. Second, chances are that the video game market has been filled with games with lifelike graphics in that consumers have abundant choices among those. Thus factors such as content, price, and hardware-requirements are also decisive. In this case, we cannot assume that most of our consumers would like to update their pcs just in order to play Whirlwind's games which need the most up-to-date computers.
  Additionally, we need more information about the effect of advertising, although ad usually has a great power. Possibly, this company has introduced extensive ads over the past two years, but the sales are still disappointing. One reason is that the ads themselves are not very attracting. So the effects of the ads are still skeptical if Whirlwind cooperates with the same ad company as well. Besides, if the ads are not to be blamed for the disappointing sales, there may be other weakness about those games. The program may be not efficient which always cause the consumers' pcs to crash. So we need feedback from consumers to find out the reasons for declining sales. It is too audacious to say the image effect is the key points. Consequencely we cannot expect the sales trend is about to be reversed after that the graphic effect has been improved.
   In sum, the argument fails to provide enough evidence needed to support its claim. To strengthen the argument, the author must provide more compelling evidences that Whirlwind video games have an appeal to the customers. To archive this, we need a detailed report on the current market to find where the Whirlwind’s predominance is comparing with other video games companies. Besides, we need feedback and more detailed survey to find the reason for the declining sales over the past two years.

[ 本帖最后由 maiqidiliwu 于 2007-2-12 01:26 编辑 ]

GriSSom.ZZXUID: 2234108

"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."
WORDS: 416          TIME: 上午 1:24:59          DATE: 2007-2-11

In an attempt to demonstrate that the sales of Whirlwind video games is about to be reversed, the author cites a survey which pointes that lifelike graphic is the crucial element. Moreover the author says Whirlwind has introduced several ones of such and makes abundant ads directed at his major customers. At first glance, the argument appears to be somehow plausible(个人建议不要appears to be somehow plausible,直接指出其有错), but further reflection reveals that it suffers from several logic flaws.

No evidence has showed that consumers will deicide which to buy solely depending on the image effect, although considered as the key feature. (TS,但既然你后面驳了up-to-date computer不会让别人更倾向去买W的游戏软件,那么TS里似乎也应该提一下,图像的要求和配置的要求处于并列位置,驳斥这一点也应该同时提到.) Obviously there are other elements influencing the consumers. First of all, price will be top of the list. If the price is too high, we cannot expect the sales up. Because our major consumers are the youth most of whom are not financial independent. Second, chances are that the video game market has been filled with games with lifelike graphics in that consumers have abundant choices among those. Thus factors such as content, price, and hardware-requirements are also decisive. In this case, we cannot assume that most of our consumers would like to update their pcs just in order to play Whirlwind's games which need the most up-to-date computers.

Additionally, we need more information about the effect of advertising, although ad usually has a great power. Possibly, this company has introduced extensive ads over the past two years, but the sales are still disappointing. One reason is that the ads themselves are not very attracting. So the effects of the ads are still skeptical if Whirlwind cooperates with the same ad company as well. Besides, if the ads are not to be blamed for the disappointing sales, there may be other weakness about those games. The program may be not efficient which always cause the consumers' pcs to crash. So we need feedback from consumers to find out the reasons for declining sales. It is too audacious to say the image effect is the key points. Consequencely we cannot expect the sales trend is about to be reversed after that the graphic effect has been improved.

(感觉上段应该用一个明确的TS指明:我这段要驳的是即使游戏软件适合市场,W不一定盈利,两年的亏损势头不会被扭转,因为还有其他原因之类的......比如广告宣传不好......没有反馈云云......)

In sum, the argument fails to provide enough evidence needed to support its claim. To strengthen the argument, the author must provide more compelling evidences that Whirlwind video games have an appeal to the customers. To archive this, we need a detailed report on the current market to find where the Whirlwind’s predominance is comparing with other video games companies. Besides, we need feedback and more detailed survey to find the reason for the declining sales over the past two years.
(argument的结尾基本上ETS评卷时是不怎么看的,感觉费的笔墨有点多)

(总的来说,语言的上基本没问题,就是逻辑上感觉有点乱,尤其是第一段,感觉把什么都驳了,但有都没有说清楚,比如,你第一段TS说w的游戏软件有那样的特征不一定attract10-25的人,你驳的是 1它因决定买什么,比如价格->年轻人没钱;2有competitors,w的产品有attractive之处也不一定attract potential costumers->其他因素可能会decisive;3电脑配置要求高可能反而是缺点......不知道你是不是有那种感觉哦,至少我觉得这一段可以 1 图像好,配置高不一定吸引人 even吸引人 2 年轻人不一定买的起等等......)

(总之语言还好,关键逻辑再清晰一点就可以了......)

maiqidiliwuUID: 2119412

In an attempt to demonstrate that the sales of Whirlwind video games is about to be reversed, the author cites a survey which pointes that lifelike graphic is the crucial element. Moreover the author says Whirlwind has introduced several ones of such and makes abundant ads directed at his major customers. At first glance, the argument appears to be somehow plausible(个人建议不要appears to be somehow plausible,直接指出其有错), but further reflection reveals that it suffers from several logic flaws. No evidence has showed that consumers will deicide which to buy solely depending on the image effect, although considered as the key feature. (TS,但既然你后面驳了up-to-date computer不会让别人更倾向去买W的游戏软件,那么TS里似乎也应该提一下,图像的要求和配置的要求处于并列位置,驳斥这一点也应该同时提到.) Obviously there are other elements influencing the consumers. First of all, price will be top of the list. If the price is too high, we cannot expect the sales up. Because our major consumers are the youth most of whom are not financial independent. Second, chances are that the video game market has been filled with games with lifelike graphics in that consumers have abundant choices among those. Thus factors such as content, price, and hardware-requirements are also decisive. In this case, we cannot assume that most of our consumers would like to update their pcs just in order to play Whirlwind's games which need the most up-to-date computers. 提纲：ts：即使是很重要的，买的时候也不一定仅仅凭借image effect                 原因1：价格可能对于10－25的人不合适                 原因2：也许市场上已经有很多这样的games了，所以在挑选这些游戏时，别的因素可能才是决定性的因素，比如价格，内容                            硬件，所以需要高配置的whirlwind在这点并没有占优势                     Additionally, we need more information about the effect of advertising, although ad usually has a great power. Possibly, this company has introduced extensive ads over the past two years, but the sales are still disappointing. One reason is that the ads themselves are not very attracting. So the effects of the ads are still skeptical if Whirlwind cooperates with the same ad company as well. Besides, if the ads are not to be blamed for the disappointing sales, there may be other weakness about those games. The program may be not efficient which always cause the consumers' pcs to crash. So we need feedback from consumers to find out the reasons for declining sales. It is too audacious to say the image effect is the key points. Consequencely we cannot expect the sales trend is about to be reversed after that the graphic effect has been improved.                驳斥：intensive广告并不能证明salse会up                             1，也许以前也打了很多广告，由于广告的自身设计的不好所以salse不行，但是广告公司也许并没有换                            2， 广告本身不错，但是游戏自身程序不好，常死机，这些问题没有改进我们不能期望仅仅凭着图像方面的改进有期待salse会up (感觉上段应该用一个明确的TS指明:我这段要驳的是即使游戏软件适合市场,W不一定盈利,两年的亏损势头不会被扭转,因为还有其他原因之类的......比如广告宣传不好......没有反馈云云......) In sum, the argument fails to provide enough evidence needed to support its claim. To strengthen the argument, the author must provide more compelling evidences that Whirlwind video games have an appeal to the customers. To archive this, we need a detailed report on the current market to find where the Whirlwind’s predominance is comparing with other video games companies. Besides, we need feedback and more detailed survey to find the reason for the declining sales over the past two years. (argument的结尾基本上ETS评卷时是不怎么看的,感觉费的笔墨有点多) (总的来说,语言的上基本没问题,就是逻辑上感觉有点乱,尤其是第一段,感觉把什么都驳了,但有都没有说清楚,比如,你第一段TS说w的游戏软件有那样的特征不一定attract10-25的人,你驳的是 1它因决定买什么,比如价格->年轻人没钱;2有competitors,w的产品有attractive之处也不一定attract potential costumers->其他因素可能会decisive;3电脑配置要求高可能反而是缺点...... ～～～～～～～～～～～～～关于这点我的逻辑是：其他因素，比如配置会影响                                                        ，恰恰好这点w的产品不具有吸引力    ？？：不知道，游戏应该不要求太高的配置更具吸引吧？ 不知道你是不是有那种感觉哦,至少我觉得这一段可以 1 图像好,配置高不一定吸引人 even吸引人 2 年轻人不一定买的起等等......) (总之语言还好,关键逻辑再清晰一点就可以了......)

感谢你的评论，还有若干我想和你讨论的问题，我觉得这是个理解的问题，很重要，希望你能回复:)

maiqidiliwuUID: 2119412

大家觉的呢？～～～

maiqidiliwuUID: 2119412

希望大家看看上面分析的问题
我真的很希望知道大家的看法

GriSSom.ZZXUID: 2234108

第一段里你说配置高可能是缺点这点没有错哎~~,如果我是你,我就放在一起驳,现在你把中文提纲这样列出来,你要驳的是:"图像是否逼真与是否购买没关系,原因2最后是,所以配置高并不占优势"感觉应该写成"所以图像逼真并不占优势",其实这和配置高不占优势一个意思,因为arguer说图像逼真要求配置高,但你应该也把这层关系点明,我可能当时看的时候就看了你的TS讲图像,结尾讲配置(和我自己列的提纲又不一样,以为逻辑有点乱),别扭了一点,现在仔细看看提纲,逻辑可以的还是......

另外第二段你要是单从广告讲起,第一句话可以是TS,而且驳的很好,我只是建议你不要只揪住一个广告做一段,可以从再大一点的角度(不一定能单凭产品对口就能大幅提升销售业绩)入手,广告做为一个分论点......这时倒是可以把competitors,cost等和advertisement来个并列,而不是放在第一段......当然个人想法不一样,实际效果可能不如你这样写......只是提个建议21......

P.S.可以收回"逻辑有点乱"这句话了;d: ,而且建议lz下次把中文提纲附出来哎~~