Issue51【0706G－CRUSADE小组】第1次作业

rose_07UID：2276843

Issue51(500+)

Education contains formal education as well as moral education.

1.       Moral education is necessary to cultivate students’ psychological health. We should take it as compulsary courses.

2.        it may be difficult to specifically designe education courses according to individual needs. The limite of teaching resource, the students' ages.

3.       As formal education, students should take some basic courses such as math, logic, physics ect.in order to further study their interesting courses.

The speaker asserts that only when specifically designed to individual needs and interests of each student, will education be truly effective. I fundamentally agree with the crucial function of students' interests and needs playing during the process of learning. Yet, the practicability of designing education according to personal interest is still dubious.

First, I have to point out that education is a complex system, whose responsibility is not only to improve students' intellectual ability, but also to form their fine moral standards and personalities as well as to guide them how to communicate with and get along with others. To some extent, a healthy psychology, a correct philosophy and an easy-going character have more impact on students’ whole life than an excellent academic performance. Therefore, it is necessary to take moral education as required courses for every student from primary schools even to universities. Meanwhile, a mixed class of students with respective dispositions and interests is helpful for students to learn dealing with different persons. To my observation, the successful example of Junhui Ding, the talent billiards player, is an exceptional case to the general rule that students learn more through collective studies.

Secondly, specifically designed education depends on students’ ages. A personally devised education program likely leads to many practical problems in primary and secondary schools, where students are too young to determine their needs and to persist their interests. The inner curiosity of children might change as they grow up. Thus, it is wise to teach them various courses in order that they can dabble as much as possible. As for higher education, we advocate students to pursue their interests by joining clubs, or communities to fully display their talent in music, literature, science and so forth, which is another form of education yet still far away from individual education.

Furthermore, to design courses seperately for each student is not realistic or practicable. The limite teaching resource is the main obstacle. Consider there are still thousands of children in proverty districts, where the minimum fee is still unaffordable for them, we have to make use of our teaching resources as appropriately and economically as we can. Few will accept the scenario that there are a few students in each class according to their interests while schoolless children just stand outside the classroom eagerly and enviously. Thus specifically devised education is proprably regarded as a waste of teaching resource.

Finally, some basic courses should be taken as compulsive courses to strengthen their intellectual fundation and to balance their knowledge systems. We should not overlook the mutil-courses’ mutual influences, such as math being the fundation of computer science, finance, physics being the base of astronomy, chemistry being the elements of biology and so on. Aristotle put philosophy concept into the explanation of some physical and chemistry experiements results. The marvellously accurate proportion of human bodies of Davinci's paintings stems from his proficient biological knowledge. Nowadays, the mutual influences among fields spring so dramatically that few will succeed with only one field's knowledge, no matter how much interest he shows in it. Therefore, it is necessary for each student to take certain amount of basic courses in order to study what they like well.

In sum, the speaker attaches importance to individual needs and interests while ignoring the practicability of individual design of education. Therefore, should we resolve those problems first, then query whether individually designed education is more effective or not.

vanluckerUID：2267009

占个沙发，可惜不是我改

[ 本帖最后由 vanlucker 于 2007-2-14 22:21 编辑 ]

rose_07UID：2276843

你有空的话，当然欢迎拍砖啦

phantomrUID：2284466

看了你写的Issue, 说点大致感觉吧
首先语言很好，自然流畅
逻辑上以下几点可以改进
1."I fundamentally agree with the crucial function of students' interests and needs playing during the process of learning"
where is your evidence of fundamental agreement in your essay?
you have only pointed out the importance of broadly-designed education, but as in your topic sentence, it should be only a minor part of your whole opinion.
2.you talked about the aim of education and the importance of certain kind of it, does aim and importance mean efficiency? It would be better if you give an explaination on this in your issue.
3.The supporting example of DJH. I think maybe it is unknown to most American people. Thus it lacks effect of convincingness. It would be better if you choose an example more familiar to American, or you have to give more details about DJH in order to  give them more background information.
其他都很不错。

很佩服你的文字功力，以后还请多多指教

yyyfffUID：169234

Issue51【0706G－CRUSADE小组】第1次作业
Education contains formal education as well as moral education.

The speaker asserts that only when specifically designedto individual needs and interests of each student, will education be truly effective. [开头改原文句子成倒装，good job] I fundamentally agree with the crucial function of students' interests and needs playing during the process of learning.[agree with the function似乎有搭配问题，改为I fundamentally agree with the assertion that the students’ interests and needs play crucial function during the process of learning.] [另外这句话后面没有涉及，后面最好还是让步式的提及一下这句话的观点吧]Yet, the practicability of designing education according to personal interest is still dubious. [开头简洁，中心明确]

First, I have to point out that education is a complex system, whose [引导词是不是？] responsibility is not only to improve students' intellectual ability, but also to form their fine moral standards and personalities as well as to guide them how to communicate with and get along with others. To some extent, a healthy psychology, a correct philosophy and an easy-going character have [has 几个概念都是同种类型的，用单数] more impact on students’ whole life than an excellent academic performance. Therefore, it is necessary to take moral education as required courses for every student from primary schools even to universities. Meanwhile, a mixed class of students with respective dispositions and interests is helpful for students to learn dealing with different persons. To my observation, the successful example of Junhui Ding, the talent billiards player, is an exceptional case to the general rule that students learn more through collective studies. [要强调的是morale education, Junhui Ding的例子似乎力度不够，个人觉得还有导向反面的倾向]

Secondly, specifically designed education depends on students’ ages. A personally devised education program likely leads to many practical problems in primary and secondary schools, where students are too young to determine their needs and to persist their interests. The inner curiosity of children might change as they grow up. Thus, it is wise to teach them various courses in order that they can dabble as much as possible. As for higher education, we advocate students to pursue their interests by joining clubs, or communities to fully display their talent in music, literature, science and so forth, which is another form of education yet still far away from individual education. [感觉这段内容有些空，是否可以改下合并到下面一段，做为unpracticable 的一个理由，顺便把下面一段也充实了。]

Furthermore, to design courses seperately [separately] for each student is not realistic or practicable. The limited teaching resource is the main obstacle. Consider [Considering] there are still thousands of children in proverty [poverty] districts, where the minimum fee is still unaffordable for them, we have to make use of our teaching resources as appropriately and economically as we can. Few will accept the scenario that there are a few students in each class according to their interests while schoolless children just stand outside the classroom eagerly and enviously. Thus specifically devised education is proprably [probably] regarded as a waste of teaching resource.

Finally, some basic courses should be taken as compulsive courses to strengthen their intellectual fundation [拼写foundation] and to balance their knowledge systems. We should not overlook the mutil-courses’ [拼写错误multi-] mutual influences, such as math being the fundation of computer science, finance, physics being the base of astronomy, chemistry being the elements of biology and so on. Aristotle put philosophy concept into the explanation of some physical and chemistry  [chemical] experiements [拼写experimental] results. The marvellously accurate proportion of human bodies of Davinci's paintings stems from his proficient biological knowledge. Nowadays, the mutual influences among fields spring so dramatically that few will succeed with only one field's knowledge, no matter how much interest he shows in it. Therefore, it is necessary for each student to take certain amount of basic courses in order to study what they like well.

In sum, the speaker attaches importance to individual needs and interests while ignoring the practicability of individual design of education. Therefore, should we resolve those problems first, then query whether individually designed education is more effective or not.
总评：总的看来句式使用比较丰富，语汇的使用也有不少精彩之处，楼主词汇，句子运用的能力很强 (还用到了好几个GRE词汇啊)。问题较多的是单词拼写；部分段落论证还不够充实。希望再多积累些新颖些的例子，在结构组织方面再花些功夫吧，个人愚见，多多加油

另：回答你两次发贴格式不一样的问题：
第一个是论坛中的序号地址，在第一次发贴后每次打开的地址就是这个，建议用这个地址；
第二个是发贴后你马上转入页面得到的链接地址，最好不用这个吧，好乱的

[ 本帖最后由 yyyfff 于 2007-2-15 20:14 编辑 ]

rose_07UID：2276843

谢谢指点!

rose_07UID：2276843

修改稿

The speaker asserts that only when specifically designedto individual needs and interest of each student, will education be truly effective. I fundamentally agree with the assertion that students' interests and needs play a crucial role during the process of learning. Yet, the feasibility of designing education according to personal interest is still dubious.

Students' needs and interest are their main motivation of learning. Usually, we are more eager to learn and unconciously pay more attention to what we are interested in despite how difficult it may be. For instance, Stevie Wonder overtakes his blindness to learn music due to his interest in it. The talented champion of Snooker billiards, Junhui Ding, who showed great interest and gift in billiards, gave up the formal education at a very young age in order that he has enough time to practise billiards to realize his dream of becoming a professional player. Considering those successful examples, we should not ignore the function of personal needs and interest in students' learning.

However, education designationshould depend on students’ ages. A personally devised education program is likely unfeasible in primary and secondary schools, where students are too young to determine their needs and to persist their interests. The inner curiosity of children might change as they grow up. Thus, it is wise to teach them various courses in order that they can dabble as much as possible. As for higher education, we advocate students to pursue their interests by joining clubs, or communities to fully display their talent in music, literature, science and so forth, which is another form of education yet still far away from an individual one.

Meanwhile, I have to point out that education is a complex system, whose responsibilities are not only to improve students' intellectual ability, but also to form their moral standards and personalities as well as to guide them how to communicate with and get along with others.To some extent, a healthy psychology, a correct value system and an easy-going character will have more impact on students’ whole life than an excellent academic performance. In one of the biggest scientific scandals, the academic fraud of the Korean famous cloner Woo Suk Hwang, who claimed to have created the embryonic stem cells from adult human tissues, illustrates that without ethics even perfect academic performance may amount to nothing. Therefore,whether students are interested or not, it is necessary to take moral education as required courses for them from primary schools even to universities.  

Furthermore, some basic courses should be taken as compulsive courses to strengthen their intellectual foundationand to balance their knowledge systems. We should not overlook the multi-courses’ mutual influences, such as math being the base of computer science, finance, physics being that of astronomy, chemistry being that of biology and so on. Aristotle put philosophy concept into the explanation of some physical and chemistry experimental results. The marvelously accurate proportion of human bodies of Leonardo Da Vinci's paintings stems from his proficient biological knowledge. Nowadays, the mutual influences among fields spring so dramatically that few will succeed with only one field's knowledge, no matter how much interest he shows in it. Therefore, it is necessary for each student to take certain amount of basic courses in order to study what they like well.

Finally, to design courses separatelyfor each student is not realistic or practicable owing to the limited teaching resource. Considering there are still thousands of children living in poverty, where the minimum fee is still unaffordable for them, we have to make use of our teaching resources as appropriately and economically as we can. Few will accept the scenario that there are a few students in each class according to their interests while schoolless children just stand outside the classroom eagerly and enviously. Thus specifically devised education is probably regarded as a waste of teaching resource.

In sum, the speaker attaches importance to individual needs and interests while ignoring the practicability of individual design of education. Therefore, should we resolve those problems first, then query whether individually designed education is more effective or not.

rose_07UID：2276843

论证的顺序调整了一下,希望能更有说服力

中心观点就是在肯定兴趣的作用的同时,指出完全个人化的设计是不现实的.

1,重申了兴趣在学习中所起的作用,支持作者的论点
  这里面举了两个例子,一个是stevie wonder,一个是丁俊晖,作为是自己的兴趣指导成功的例子,也不知道倒底合不合适
2,提出教育的设计应该是随着学生的年龄不同而不同的
3,指出道德教育是不可忽视的,甚至是无论学生有没有兴趣都应该是必修的
  这里举了黄禹锡的例子,说明没有道德的支持,学术上的成功是空谈
4,指出基础教育是不可少的,也是学生发挥自己兴趣的基础
  这里举了亚里士多德和达芬奇的例子,说明全面的知识能够帮助人更好地发挥兴趣
5,指出完全的根据个人兴趣设计教育方式是不现实的,教育资源有限

希望能和大家交流一下

rose_07UID：2276843

一点黄禹锡事件的资料,感觉可以用在很多问题的论述上.
Korean scandal will have global fallout

The possibility that Woo Suk Hwang's cloning experiments were faked threatens to undermine confidence in stem-cell research.

In one of the biggest scientific scandals of recent times, South Korea's star cloner Woo Suk Hwang last week asked to retract his landmark paper on the creation of embryonic stem cells from adult human tissue. The request, along with new doubts about his earlier work, confirms what researchers in the field were already starting to realize - that the advance marked by Hwang's research, with all it promised for therapeutic cloning, may amount to nothing.

Worse, scientists fear that the episode will damage not only public perceptions of stemcell research, but science's image as a whole.

The request for retraction of the paper (W. S. Hwang et al. Science 308, 1777-1783; 2005) came after three authors claimed the work was untrustworthy. Fertility expert Sung Il Roh of MizMedi Hospital in Seoul, claimed on 15 December that Hwang had admitted to him that data were fabricated, and there were no patient-specific cells. In a documentary aired the same day, Sun Jong Kim, formerly of Seoul National University (SNU), told the Seoulbased Munhwa Broadcasting Corporation (MBC) that Hwang had asked him to falsify images. And Gerald Schatten at the University of Pittsburgh asked for his name to be removed from the paper, claiming that information from a team member had caused him to doubt the work's accuracy.

And there are now concerns about earlier work. For example, in the paper in which Hwang claimed to have extracted the first stem-cell line from a cloned human embryo (W. S. Hwang et al. Science 303, 1669-1674; 2004), figures supposedly showing cloned cell lines are identical to those in an earlier paper showing normal embryonic stem cells (J. H. Park et al. Molecules and Cells 17, 309-315; 2004). Nature has also announced an investigation into Hwang's paper on the first cloned dog (see 'Dogged by doubts').

Hwang admitted on 16 December that there were errors in the 2005 stem-cell paper, but denied fraud. He maintains that 11 patient-specific stem-cell lines were created as reported, but six were never frozen, and subsequently became contaminated. He says five lines being thawed now will prove his success.

Culture of secrecy

Hwang's claims are meeting with increasing scepticism. "He was given a chance [to explain] but he didn't use it," says a molecular biologist at SNU, who asked not to be named. Robert Lanza of Advanced Cell Technology in Worcester, Massachusetts, who is also attempting to clone human cells, says it is difficult to believe that cell lines of such value weren't stored properly: "What stem-cell scientist doesn't freeze their cells?"

The SNU is investigating the team's work. The lab's atmosphere of pervasive secrecy and tradition of deference towards Hwang will make investigators' job difficult. But if there was fabrication, it will be hard for Hwang to plead ignorance. When Nature visited in 2004, he declined to show his first cloned stem-cell line, kept under lock and key. "Many lab members aren't allowed to see it either," he said. Taken together, the concerns about Hwang's work leave biologists with no proof that stem cells can be extracted from cloned human embryos (see Where now for stem-cell cloners?).

And the scandal's implications will reach further. There have been cases in which fraud has been established that have involved more papers: a 2002 investigation by Bell Laboratories in Murray Hill, New Jersey, found that Jan Hendrik Schön fabricated data in at least 16 papers while working there. But Schön's field of materials science has a lower public profile than cloning and stem-cell research.

"This is such an important experiment and there was so much publicity around it," says Rudolf Jäenisch, a mouse-cloning expert at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. "It is shocking to think that it might have been fabricated."

"It will probably affect the general perception of scientists and what we do," says Theodore Friedmann, a gene-therapy researcher at the University of California, San Diego, who has chaired the US Recombinant DNA Advisory Committee. "There's a climate of mistrust of science now that's stronger than in the past. That will be exacerbated by this sort of event."

The debacle may well strengthen the hand of those trying to ban stem-cell research in the United States. "This is an example of the corruption of science that this whole cloning field has been tending toward, with its end-justifiesthe- means mentality," says Gene Tarne of Do No Harm, a Washington DC-based coalition that coordinates opposition to stem-cell research. "For almost a decade now, we've heard these overhyped claims about therapeutic cloning. Somebody took the first step in providing any evidence for these claims and it turns out the evidence simply wasn't there."

Lessons to learn

Researchers are left wondering how such a fiasco happened. The journal Science, which published two of Hwang's high-profile papers, has defended its peer-review process. Donald Kennedy, Science's editor-in-chief, says the journal typically takes 120 days to review and publish biology manuscripts. Hwang's 2005 paper took 58 days, leading some to wonder whether it was rushed. "If it's a really hot paper and you want to get it out quickly, how many shortcuts do you take?" says Nobel laureate Paul Berg of Stanford University, California.

In a press conference on 16 December, Kennedy insisted the journal does not rush papers. "I think we were appropriately suspicious in this case. I don't think this points to a generic fault in the peer-review system," he said.

Asked whether Nature could have been caught out in the same way, editor-in-chief Philip Campbell agrees. "We would hope the errors would have been noticed," he says. "But usually reviewers have to take on faith that the authors are presenting what they say they are." He suggests that in future some important claims should be independently tested.

Others are questioning Schatten's role. He promoted the South Korean group in the West, and was senior author on the 2005 paper, although he did not perform any of the experiments it describes. "The lesson I've learned is that I would not be a co-author on a paper unless I was essentially willing to stake my entire career on every piece of data in that paper," says cloning researcher Kevin Eggan of Harvard University in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

Schatten referred Nature's inquiries to Jane Duffield at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center's news bureau. "He is still not doing interviews with reporters," Duffield wrote in an e-mail.

But some have sympathy for Schatten. "Many scientists would be tempted to do similar things if someone offered them authorship on what seemed like an important breakthrough," says Friedmann.

The field as a whole should tone down its rhetoric, he adds. "I have been very concerned about some of the language used. It seems reminiscent of the gene-therapy experience, where so much promise was obvious, but it was hyped and exaggerated to the detriment of the field. We should be more circumspect."

vanluckerUID：2267009

可怜的韩国人......