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In the argument presented above, the author recommends that a set of restrictions on landscaping and house painting should be adopted in order to raise property values in Deerhaven Acres. To support the recommendation the author points out that the average property values have tripled in Brookville since the community adopted a set of restrictions on landscaping and house painting seven years ago. The conclusion of the author may seem reasonable at first glance, however, there （are） several logical flaws in the argument.第一段看起来给人感觉挺好的！ The recommendation of adopting a set of restrictions on landscaping and housepainting in Deerhaven Acres is based on the assumption that landscape the community's yards and paint the exterior of homes （感觉好像只有动词不定式和动名词才能做主语的）could help to increase the property values in the area. However, the author fails to provide effective evidence to demonstrate the assumption. As we all know, several elements other than the landscape and the colors of the exteriors of the houses can influence the average property values, such as the local economy, the ambianceof the community, the structure and the condition of the houses.语言清新，看起来舒服 Besides, the author considers that average property values have tripled in Brookville due to the fact that the community adopted a set of restriction on how the community's yards be landscaped and what colors the exteriors of houses be painted. Unfortunately, the argument presented above shows no evidence which could lead strong support to the conclusion. It is possible that the development of the economy in the area of Brookville has accelerated during this period, therefore lead to the increase of the average values property. Or else, the transportation in Brookville has developed, so that people in other area would come to Brookville to buy the houses in the community regardless of the landscape and the color of the exteriors of the houses. 第一段和第二段看起来意思好像相近,可能是我没搞清楚逻辑关系，建议楼主写个提纲 Conceiving that the adoption of a set of restrictions on landscaping and housepainting in Brookville is the reason for the increase of the average property values, the author fails to demonstrate that Brookville and Deerhaven have anything in common. It is possible that the houses in Brookville are in good condition and well-structured,（这段排比用的很好啊） the transportation in Brookville is convenience, people intend to live Brookville are willing to buy houses that expensive（好像这个句有点问题）; while in Deerhaven, the houses are not in good condition and are not well-structured, the ambiance around is not ideal, the economy is up to develop, and the transportation is not convenience. Moreover, it is all possible that before the adoption of the set of restriction, the community of Brookville had investigate the opinion of the residents who were already leaving there, while in Deerhaven, the residents are not willing to have their community's yard landscaped and the exterior of houses painted. Even worse, some residents may move out if the Deerhaven adopt the set of restrictions. Despite the argument above is well-presented, however, it is not well-reasoned. To make the recommendation well informed, the author needs to provide evidence to show that adopting a set of restrictions of landscaping and housepainting can actually increase the average property in Deerhaven. Besides, the author needs to conduct a survey to investigate the opinion of the residents in Deerhaven.很棒的结尾 文章用词方面比较易懂，连接词用的很好，整体感比较好，头尾两段特好，小的错误也比较少！但好像文中感觉重复的地方比较多。中间两段感觉逻辑方面不是太容易让人理解。仅是个人意见，如有错误，还请楼主原谅。
希望楼主能帮助我批改一下好吗?
http://bbs.gter.ce.cn/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=611451&extra
谢谢您!
[ 本帖最后由 zdj 于 2007-2-17 12:00 编辑 ] | 
发表于 2007-2-15 15:59:52
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