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TOPIC: ARGUMENT2 - The following appeared in a letter sent by a committee of homeowners from the Deerhaven Acres to all homeowners in Deerhaven Acres. "Seven years ago, homeowners in nearby Brookville community adopted a set of restrictions on how the community's yards should be landscaped and what colors the exteriors of homes should be painted. Since then, average property values have tripled in Brookville. In order to raise property values in Deerhaven Acres, we should adopt our own set of restrictions on landscaping and housepainting." WORDS: 420 DATE: 2006-2-16 限时失败第一次完整地写完，还是超过限时了，呜呜，欢迎大家排砖哈。提纲（和小组的分析类似）：1 简单开头2 B城市的房价增长不一定是因为对社区的限制措施3 即使是因为那些措施，也不能保证同样的措施对D城市有效4 即使措施同样有效，也不能肯定未来怎样，可能有种种变化导致措施无效5 简单收尾 The author attributes the average rising property values to some reasons which seems unconvincing and unreliable to me in the argument. So the author's conclusion that in order to raise property value(这句话是不是有语病啊。怎么读着这么别扭啊), the Deerhave Acres' should adopt the same policy as Brookville's flaws in several aspects below: 我觉得你的开头不好，自己的观点没有表明，你只说了用了unconvincing and unreliable to me。开头段要表明两点，1：作者的看法2：我的看法。一般是先作者怎么看，然后在自己觉得这样不对，然后自然引入后面几段的说明，为什么我这么认为。 Whether the average rising（of） property values is due to the restrictions on Brookville community is still open to doubt. Though the values tripled in Brookville after the restrictions on how to landscape the yards and how to paint the exteriors of homes, there may be no necessary links between these two incidents. It's likely that the restriction has nothing to do with the property values at all.（这一句可以省略，直接说it is likely that the rising values are the results of ） The rising values could be the results of the gushing migrants or some political reasons such as new laws of property are carried out and thus offer an optimum timing for the residents to buy the house. (多用连词，可以加分的)All the reasons above can lead to the rising of property values. Even（用错了。可以用even assuming that…….） the restrictions on Brookville community did play an important role in the tripling property value. The author can't assert that the measures will have the same impact on the Deerhaven Acres. Deerhaven may differ (from) Brookville in many aspects. (for example,) The Brookville might has a large population and the location of the housing is not good, so the restrictions on the dwelling’s outlook might play an important role in enhancing the environment of the city and therefore leads to the rising property values. While the population might be much smaller than the Brookville and the location of the house might be completely different there. Therefore, the out look of each house might be an irrelevant aspect in Deerhave and thus restrictions on the appearance of the citizen dwelling might have no need and effect at all. Even the restrictions work well on Deerhaven’s too, the author can't conclude that this restriction can still work effectively in future. （这里可以用个“；”来把这两句连起来）After all the effectiveness of the restriction is proved to be right some seven years ago. In such a long period as seven years, great changes might take place in both cities. The balance of ecology and new resident policy might weighs much more than the merely outlook of the city dwellings. The buyer’s first taste of buying a new estate might be completely different from before. So the author can’t arrived at that hasty conclusion.（分析的时候可以还深入一点，再加一个in addition.） So in the last analysis, the argument’s conclusion is unconvincing and unreliable. The author needs to investigate more on the factors of the property values.
总体来说问题都分析清楚了。但我觉得你连词用少了。我写的时候是尽量保证每个句子之间都必有一个连词，以保证句子的结构，逻辑性。结尾我觉得是不是有点太简单了。
[ 本帖最后由 hujunhao 于 2007-2-18 22:35 编辑 ] | 
发表于 2007-2-17 00:02:41
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