Argument145 同主题写作第五期 留链互拍

mckinseyUID: 2285137

提纲：
调查研究的问题
因果关系不明确，可能是肥胖导致的打鼾
没有足够的证据来证明打鼾会导致第二天很累，更不用说没办法运动
少吃多运动对于打鼾导致的肥胖来讲并不是一个好的办法，没能根本解决问题

没有讨论的问题：
many推广到all：前面看到一个医科生说（以前的同主题写作），打鼾的定义就是sleep apnea
少运动会导致肥胖：我觉得这个比较基本常识，虽然是存在一定的例外但有强词夺理之嫌


欢迎讨论和互拍
：）


In the argument, the author recommends that anyone who snores should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more. To corroborate the recommendation, the author cites a new study and tries to explain the consequence of it. However, close scrutiny of the evidence reveals that it accomplishes little toward supporting the author’s conclusion, as discussed below.

To begin with, in evaluating the evidence of the survey, one must consider each step of the survey conducted to ensure its reliability and generalizability. For instance, how many respondents had been involved? Were they old men or young ladies? Were people who snore in the same condition of those who do not? Was the survey limited to a certain city or geographic region? How long has the observation period of the experiment lasted?Since factors such as these are not mentioned at all in this argument, there is no reason to believe that the survey cited is statistically reliable and the mayor can rely on it to draw any firm conclusions.

In the second place, the author unfairly assumes that weight gained has been caused by snoring. However, no firm evidence has been provided to support that this is the case. Although the consequence of the study, if statistically reliable, is an indicator of a causal connection, the fact alone does not necessarily establish such a relationship. Thus leaves open the possibility that other factors could explain the survey results. For instance, it is entirely possible that fat people are more likely to snore. If so, then snoring is not the reason but the result. Without ruling out such possibility, the author’s conclusion is highly suspect.

Even if the author proves the forgoing assumption, the author also unfairly assumes that the interruption of breathing can destroy the quality of people’s sleep. Yet, the author does not provide any statistical information to validate the assumption. Thus, lacking such information, it is gratuitous to deem that people will be too tired to exercise during the day.

Finally, even if we accept the conclusion that snorers are more likely to gain weight, it is also not so convicting to suggest them to keep fit by eating less and exercising more than the average. Although, that might be an effective way to keep fit for ordinary people, it is not necessarily the case to snorers. Because the foundational reason for their gaining weight is snoring rather than an unhealthy diet and low frequency of exercise. Therefore, they need more professional suggestions from doctors.

In conclusion, the information offered by the author might be useful. However, the evidence in the argument above needs to be more closely examined before any conclusion can be determined.

lrihUID: 2264506

In the argument, the author recommends that anyone who snores should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more. To corroborate the recommendation, the author cites a new study and tries to explain the consequence of it[改为study result清楚点]. However, close scrutiny of the evidence reveals that it [指代不明]accomplishes little toward supporting the author’s conclusion, as discussed below.[开头简洁明了，把逻辑链摆清楚就可以了]

To begin with, in evaluating the evidence of the survey, one must consider each step of the survey conducted to ensure its reliability and generalizability[generality]. For instance, how many respondents had been involved? Were they old men or young ladies? [这个看不出来对snore的调查有什么用]Were people who snore in the same condition of those who do not? [这个提问不太明白，什么condition,说清楚啊]Was the survey limited to a certain city or geographic region? How long has the observation period of the experiment lasted? Since factors such as these are not mentioned at all in this argument, there is no reason to believe that the survey cited is statistically reliable and the mayor can rely on it to draw any firm conclusions.

In the second place, the author unfairly assumes that weight gained[gaining weight] has been caused by snoring. However, no firm evidence has been provided to support that this is the case. Although the consequence of the study, if statistically reliable, is an indicator of a causal connection, the fact alone does not necessarily establish such a relationship. Thus leaves open the possibility that other factors could explain the survey results. [其它原因说清楚啊，下面不像是他因法，倒是来了个因果倒置的猜测，不能把二者在逻辑上混为一团]For instance, it is entirely possible that fat people are more likely to snore. If so, then snoring is not the reason but the result. Without ruling out such possibility, the author’s conclusion is highly suspect[suspicious].

Even if the author proves the forgoing assumption, the author also unfairly assumes that the interruption of breathing can destroy the quality of people’s sleep. [注意arguer并没有说会导致睡眠出什么问题，只是指出too tired 并达到了to exercise程度]Yet, the author does not provide any statistical information to validate the assumption. Thus, lacking such information, it is gratuitous to deem that people will be too tired to exercise during the day.[这段展开得不够，最好具体到细节，不要只是说author没有做什么]

Finally, even if we accept the conclusion that snorers are more likely to gain weight, it is also not so convicting [有罪？convincing吧]to suggest them to keep fit [自己别犯差异概念的错误，不然怎么说服别人呢，这和防止gain weight不是一回事啊]by eating less and exercising more than the average. Although, that might be an effective way to keep fit for ordinary people, it is not necessarily the case to snorers. Because the foundational reason for their gaining weight is snoring rather than an unhealthy diet and low frequency of exercise. Therefore, they need more professional suggestions from doctors.[这个细节提得好]

In conclusion, the information offered by the author might be useful. However, the evidence in the argument above needs to be more closely examined before any conclusion can be determined.

个人以为题目中A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore.为本题的前提，正如同主题版主所言，前提最好不要动，有强词夺理之嫌，study不要一上来就说除非是专门性的调查题目，应该把最主要的逻辑错误先攻击透，正文第二段还是没有脱离开study。
攻击要具体点，具体到细节，让arguer哑口无言，不要太笼统。