ISSUE130 【天下无G askme习作】第15次作业 逻辑，逻辑。。

askmeUID: 2264776

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
WORDS: 663          TIME: 0:45:00          DATE: 2007-2-20

Nowadays, people all over the world are growing concerned about how children are socialized. It, hence, often causes debates and most of them are over the issue: whether or not we have learned how to raise children. In my opinion, while we have taken steps to improve our children, yet, it leaves much to be desired in many aspects.

To begin with, the destiny of society hinges on the socialization of children. As a general rule, children today will be adults in future, who master the society. The children’s custom and characteristic, whether it is good or bad, will become that of the society later. Thus, from our children, we can infer what our society will be. For supporting examples, one need look no future than Chinese children. From the eighties of last century, for the reason that many families only have one child, the child has much less chance to meet other children, not to mention communicate with them. As a result, these children lack ability and sense of cooperation. Canny as these children are when becoming adults, it is difficult for them to collaborate to complete a project, a business, or a research, which shapes our competitive but cruel characteristic of society. To some extent, this example informs us that the characteristic of children determines that of a society.

However, putting too much stress on grade, schools have not discovered true knowledge with which we should inculcate our children. While it is true that grade is a good and fair standard to judge a child's performance at school, yet, that is not the only way. Caring about it inordinately will bring about children's mental displacement and even physical diseases, all of these will perhaps destroy the future of society. This statement brings immediately to mind students’ suicide. According to a survey, there are a growing number of students, who can not put up with the pressure in class and the fierce competition for higher grade, choose suicide before endurance. What is anxious is that many of them are in key universities, which means they are most likely to be the girder of the society in future. In consequence, facing such a problem, our society will hardly survive, still less prosper.

At the even worse, aside from the inordinate emphasis on grade, hardly have our children learned interpersonal skills from schools. It is universally acknowledged that interpersonal skills is part and parcel of communication and cooperation, all of these are the base of prosperous society in 21th century. Were it not for such key skills, our society would become either cruel or effectless. If we cast a look back at children in China, we might find that each child is able and clever, but a group of children together becomes inept. The chief reason is that they do not have enough interpersonal skills. Imagining that when these children become engineers later, they might fight against each other, just for the minor difference in designing idea or process of this project. If so, how could our society be able to thrive? In all, lacking interpersonal skills will exert potential and negative influence on the society.

Admittedly, schools indeed impart something useful to our children, such technology knowledge, critical thinking and so on. Naturally, it is this knowledge that improvement in materials is based on. Our society needs these children to keep the work of the world. For examples, we need engineers, doctors, lawyers and workers. Before entering the professions, they have to gain enough professional knowledge from school. In this sense, we have mastered one of method to lead to better society. However, it is not enough.

To sum up, the issue on education is always complex. Due to the importance of children, especially to our society, we should impart more useful knowledge, such as interpersonal skills, and free them from inordinate emphasis on grade. It is necessary for our prosperity of society.

[ 本帖最后由 lastangel 于 2007-2-21 11:45 编辑 ]

lindorUID: 2290025

Nowadays, people all over the world are growing concerned about how children are socialized. It, hence, often causes debates and most of them are over the issue: whether or not we have learned how to raise children. In my opinion, while we have taken steps to improve our children, yet, it leaves much to be desired in many aspects.
你的开头总是很自然，赞

To begin with, the destiny of society hinges on the socialization of children. As a general rule, children today will be adults in future, who master the society. The children’s customs and characteristics, whether it is (they are) good or bad, will become that of the society later. Thus, from our children, we can infer what our society will be. For supporting examples, one need look no future than Chinese children. From the eighties of last century, for the reason that many families only have one child, the child has much less chance to meet other children, not to mention communicate with them. As a result, these children lack ability and sense of cooperation. Canny as these children are when becoming adults, it is difficult for them to collaborate to complete a project, a business, or a research, which shapes our competitive but cruel characteristic of society. To some extent, this example informs us that the characteristic of children determines that of a society.
额，这一段要批评一下你了，比较混乱。总结一下你的思路： TS：社会的未来取决于孩子的社会化程度（why？没有直接解释），接着两句都在谈孩子决定了未来，可是避开了谈社会化的问题，你在这里提一下socialization的重要性就完整了。然后你举例子，说中国的儿童缺少人际沟通的能力，于是这些孩子将来可能没有合作精神。这个例子的说服力很弱，你是基于一个可能和推测得的结论，将来并不一定是事实。把这个顺序颠倒一下，说现在中国的中青年一代，很多人不懂交际，归因于儿童时代，family和society 都没有emphasis on socialization，这样可能更说得通一些。还有，如果要用这个例子，仍然要解释不懂交际有什么坏处？总之就是要解释socialization是necessary的，不然它怎么决定了社会的destiny呢？

However, putting too much stress on grade, schools have not discovered true knowledge with which we should inculcate our children. 开头让我诧异，这个转折从何而来？是不是想说虽然我们很重视教育，可是怎么才是真正的教育还不清晰？或者说教育存在很多问题，不能培养能够带来更好未来的一代，这些问题有：太重视分数。 While it is true that grade is a good and fair standard to judge a child's performance at school, yet, that is not the only way. Caring about it inordinately will bring about children's mental displacement and even physical diseases, all of these will perhaps destroy the future of society. This statement brings immediately to mind students’ suicide. According to a survey, there are a growing number of students, who can not put up with the pressure in class and the fierce competition for higher grade, choose suicide before endurance. What is anxious is that many of them are in key universities, which means they are most likely to be the girder of the society in future. In consequence, facing such a problem, our society will hardly survive, still less prosper.
这段，是想说现在的教育存在问题，太重视分数，会cause serious psychological problem，最终lead our society to degeneration。However，how does this relate with socialization？仔细分析这个题目，孩子的社会化决定了社会的命运，不幸的是，我们还不知道如何培养可以建设更好社会的孩子。 这个better society，我觉得是和socialized degree相关的，也就是说我们对孩子们的社会化教育不够，或者还不知道如何使得孩子们更社会化，不然，前面的一句铺垫就变成独立的了。所以，这段完全抛开了socialization来分析，我想下一段你应该要重点focus on socialization了吧。
At the even worse, aside from the inordinate emphasis on grade, hardly have our children learned interpersonal skills from schools. It is universally acknowledged that interpersonal skills is part and parcel of communication and cooperation, all of these are the base of prosperous society in 21th century. Were it not for such key skills, our society would become either cruel or effectless. If we cast a look back at children in China, we might find that each child is able and clever, but a group of children together becomes inept. The chief reason is that they do not have enough interpersonal skills. Imagining that when these children become engineers later, they might fight against each other, just for the minor difference in designing idea or process of this project. If so, how could our society be able to thrive? In all, lacking interpersonal skills will exert potential and negative influence on the society.
例子举的，有点极端啊……

Admittedly, schools indeed impart something useful to our children, such technology knowledge, critical thinking and so on. Naturally, it is this knowledge that improvement in materials is based on. Our society needs these children to keep the work of the world. For examples, we need engineers, doctors, lawyers and workers. Before entering the professions, they have to gain enough professional knowledge from school. In this sense, we have mastered one of method to lead to better society. However, it is not enough.

To sum up, the issue on education is always complex. Due to the importance of children, especially to our society, we should impart more useful knowledge, such as interpersonal skills, and free them from inordinate emphasis on grade. It is necessary for our prosperity of society.

总体觉得逻辑有点散。不过你的语言很好。
分析一下题目，个人意见，仅供参考。
"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society ： It is true or partial? Why?
We have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society: what kind of children can help bring about a better society, and why they can? Have we learned how to raise them?  If not, why not? What should we do to change the adverse situation？
你想想你的文章回答了这些问题没有。