敲响警钟! issue应该这样写!!! [复制链接]

逐梦天涯
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电梯直达

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发表于 2007-3-3 01:48:18 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由草木也知愁于 2009-8-10 09:33 编辑

这是电子书上一篇5分习作,初看其貌不扬,看完后发现我们有的(经典的历史事件,复杂的句型,丰富的词汇)它都没有,而它有的(严整的逻辑结构)我们却鲜有,我们如何能得高分?

Issue test1
"Both the development of technological tools and the uses to which humanity has put them have created modern civilizations in which loneliness is ever increasing."

I disagree with the argument that "Both the development of technological tools and the uses to which humanity has put them have created modern civilizations in which loneliness is ever increasing."" Arguments can be made for this thesis, but they depend largely upon what I believe to be a poor definition of "loneliness".

简单明了地提出论点(有谁见过这么懒的开头… -,-!) 华丽指数: -10 优点: 快!

If one defines loneliness as the absence of as much physical, face-to-face contact with other people, then this argument is probably true.  The invention of modern telecommunications devices such as telephones, fax machines, and computers has definitely cut down on the amount of physical contact with other people.  This is especially true in recent times due to the extremely rapid expansion of the Internet.  E-mail and tele-conferencing are direct substitutes for physical contact, especially in the business world.

准确地把握住论证地basis – the definition of loneness,假设定义是A,原结论成立

However(引出全文论证地基础 -- 定义B,), I believe that loneliness can be better measured by intellectual contact with other individuals.  Unarguably, modern technology makes this faster and easier, with better communication with a larger number of people.  Some employers have argued that productivity is lessened since they have had computers linked to the Internet, as the employees spend much of their time "chatting" with friends, acquaintances, or business contacts across the country.  This is probably not a good thing for the employers, but it demonstrates the increased degree of communication due to modern technology.

指出现代科技促进交流(并不急于一下得到最终结论—现代科技不会导致loneness)

Of course, some technologies have increased loneliness by any standards, such as the automobile or other transportation mechanisms. These encourage substantially longer commutes between home and work.  Automobiles have made possible the pattern of suburbanization that has been in place in the United States since immediately after World War Two.  Time spent commuting is generally unproductive and spent alone, unless the individual in question is car-pooling or using mass transit.  The contribution of the commuting culture to loneliness may actually be changing now due to new technology that is being invented and used by the general public.  Popular new devices, such as the cellular phone, the laptop computer, and the combination thereof may actually convert commuting time to a period of increased communications between people, to "pass the time".  This will be especially true as use of mass transit grows, which will probably happen, due to problems with gas shortages, air pollution, and the creation of further mass transit by federal and local governments.

先抑后扬,个人交通工具会造成某种程度的孤独,但是现代科技的发展会改观这种状况.

The motivation for the declaration that loneliness is increasing may be due to the fact that many people, especially blue-collar workers, are unable to afford or use these new devices.  However, since the advent of the personal computer, the price per computing power has continually lowered rapidly, and this trend shows no sign of changing.  Several companies, such as Sun Microsystems and Oracle have announced that they are attempting to develop terminals with little computing power, but a full capability to access the Internet.  These devices will be in approximately the $500 price range, which is much more reasonable than the price of the current top of the line PC.  In addition, to cater to a larger mass of the public, software companies have been carefully making their products easier to use by non-"computer nerds".  This trend is not likely to cease.

事出皆有因,分析原题观点的原因,并驳之.

In conclusion, although early development of modern transportation may have increased loneliness, I believe that more recent technologies are actually doing the opposite, stimulating interpersonal contact and encouraging intellectual expansion.  The perception that the opposite is true derives from what I believe is poor definition of loneliness and the difficulty that the working class has in acquiring and using modern telecommunications devices.

读完这篇5分习作,第一个感觉就是语言比较恶心,用词单调不准确,很多都读不通,更谈不上行云流水.但是这篇作文最大的优点,也是它被判成5分的理由,就是它具有层层递进严整的逻辑关系和多角度的论证.

其论证流程如下 definition A-->conclusion A(被驳的论点)-->however, the truly definition is B-->自然而然的推出:科技促进交流-->尽管早期科技导致孤独-->但是当今科技可以改变现状-->分析conclusion A出现的原因-->指出现代科技可以解决导致conclusion A的问题,并得到conclusion B:现代科技不会导致孤独

这篇issue的作者能在短短的45分钟内完成如此全面的论证流程,功力可见一斑,但是语言显然并不是他的强项.由此我们不难看出ETS所推崇的并不是华丽的词藻而是严密的论证.而我们写的issue动辄从政治,文化,经济,学术各个角度旁征博引而没有脚踏实地的论证,非但没有切中要害,反而花费大量时间在资料的积累上(大部分来自各大论坛难免会导致雷同),浪费大量的时间收效甚微,而对于issue的理解却还停留在小儿科的程度,如此策略怎么能得高分?

我mm写issue,不限时动辄八九百,语言功底没的挑,句式多变,尤其是词汇量巨大…有时候一句话我有n个单词不认识(夸张勒的说~~),动不动就拿破仑莎士比亚伽利略亚里士多德水门克林顿爱迪生爱因斯坦,俨然一部史诗.都以为4分保底,轻松5分,拼一下6分也不是不可能,结果是第一次3.5,第二次3….sigh….且不说评卷的公平性,反正公平不公平也都是人家说勒算,我们起码要从中吸取点教训,好好反思一下,是不是自己真的错了.毕竟1400块的报名费在中国并不是小数目,起码要对得起这些钱吧.

我自己水平其实很菜,到现在还不能限时,只是看了范文有点感想供大家参考,一己只见难免有所疏漏,大家可以当成arg来驳,也欢迎大虾前来指点hoho.

[ 本帖最后由逐梦天涯于 2007-3-10 10:19 编辑 ]

已有 2 人评分	寄托币	声望	收起理由
ringtailbunny		+ 2	范文是唯一值得迷信的东西。
kito9695	+ 15		我很赞同

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敲响警钟! issue应该这样写!!! [复制链接]

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