argument145 4月作文小组3月29日第五次作业 by寂寞樱花

寂寞樱花UID：2306511

TOPIC: ARGUMENT145 - A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person-often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed-and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.
WORDS: 352          TIME: 0:50:29          DATE: 2007-3-29

In this argument the author reaches the conclusion that the ones snore will be more likely to be fat than those who do not snore, so all of the one who snores should try to keep fit by less eating and more exercising. To support this conclusion, the author cites a new study which shows that stopping breathing frequently during the night of people who snore leading to a wake which make the person too tired to take exercises in the day. I find this argument logically unconvincing in several respects.

First of all, the author cites a study as the basis of the conclusion, but the author gives no information on who conducted the study, how does the data collect, and when and where do these data come from. Lacking information about the authenticity of the data, it is impossible to assess the validity of the results. For example, may be the data is provided by people who tend to be fat or persons who do not like exercise. Without ruling out these possibilities, the author's conclusion will not convince me.

Secondly, even assuming that the study is believable, the author's claim that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than people who do not snore is lacking of evidence. And the author provides no evidence to support it is the sleep apnea leading to a fatness, it is possible that the result may cause by some other reasons. If the author cannot give sufficient information for supporting, the conclusion bases on it would be highly suspect.

Finally, there is no evidence to show that people who snore will do less exercise during the day than those who do not snore. Possible, there are some special sportsmen's data in the investigation, like weight lifting. And maybe not all of the persons are suitable for exercise and less eating to keep fit, while there are kinds of ways to complete the goal. And author's claim on it is lacking of evidence which make the conclusion is not convincing.

TO conclude, the conclusion reached in this argument is invalid and misleading. To make the argument more convincing, the arguer should give more information about the authenticity data of the study and the arguer need more evidence to validate the conclusion.

oceanusUID：2283238

In this argument the author reaches the conclusion that the ones snore will be more likely to be fat than those who do not snore, so all of the one who snores should try to keep fit by less eating and more exercising. To support this conclusion, the author cites a new study which shows that stopping breathing frequently during the night of people who snore leading to a wake which make the person too tired to take exercises in the day. I find this argument logically unconvincing in several respects.

First of all, the author cites a study as the basis of the conclusion, but the author (我认为这里先给出一个概括，再说详细的内容更好)gives no information on who conducted the study, how does the data collect, and when and where do these data come from. Lacking information about the authenticity of the data, it is impossible to assess the validity of the results. （这一句放在例子后面是不是更好呢）For example, may be the data is provided by people who tend to be fat or persons who do not like exercise. Without ruling out these possibilities, the author's conclusion will not convince me.

Secondly, even assuming that the study is believable（认为study正确了，那不是是说the ones snore will be more likely to be fat than those who do not snore，那么和后面不就矛盾了吗）, the author's claim that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than people who do not snore is lacking of evidence. And the author provides no evidence to support it is the sleep apnea leading to a fatness, it is possible that the result may cause by some other reasons. If the author cannot give sufficient information for supporting, the conclusion bases on it would be highly suspect.

Finally, there is no evidence （是no evidence 吗，那too tired to take exercises in the day是什么，说证据不足可以）to show that people who snore will do less exercise during the day than those who do not snore. Possible, there are some special sportsmen's data in the investigation, like weight lifting. And maybe not all of the persons are suitable for exercise and less eating to keep fit, while there are kinds of ways to complete the goal. And author's claim on it is lacking of evidence which make the conclusion is not convincing.(感觉这一段比较混乱，论据没有很好的证明ts)

TO conclude, the conclusion reached in this argument is invalid and misleading. To make the argument more convincing, the arguer should give more information about the authenticity data of the study and the arguer need more evidence to validate the conclusion.
这一篇确实不太好写，我写的也很费力，感觉你英语水平挺高呢，应该写的更好，加油!

[ 本帖最后由 oceanus 于 2007-3-30 19:29 编辑 ]

寂寞樱花UID：2306511

恩，谢谢你的建议，这一篇A确实不好写，我再斟酌一下，看看怎么能写的更好~
一起加油吧~