argument234 4月作文小组4月1日第八次作业 by寂寞樱花

寂寞樱花UID：2306511

TOPIC: ARGUMENT234 - The following appeared in a newspaper feature story.

"There is now evidence that the relaxed manner of living in small towns promotes better health and greater longevity than does the hectic pace of life in big cities. Businesses in the small town of Leeville report fewer days of sick leave taken by individual workers than do businesses in the nearby large city of Mason City. Furthermore, Leeville has only one physician for its one thousand residents, but in Mason City the proportion of physicians to residents is five times as high. And the average age of Leeville residents is significantly higher than that of Mason City residents. These findings suggest that people seeking longer and healthier lives should consider moving to small communities."
WORDS: 377          TIME: 0:50:27          DATE: 2007-4-1

In this argument the author reaches the conclusion that people seeking longer and healthier lives should consider moving to small communities because the relaxed manner of living in small towns promotes better health and greater longevity than in big cities. To support this conclusion, the author cites a report as evidence. An additional reason given in support of this recommendation is the comparing with the number of doctors and the average age between the two places. I find this argument logically unconvincing in several respects.

First of all, the author hastily assumes that fewer days of sick leave taken by individual workers means better health. It is possible that the population in Leeville is smaller than that in Mason City, and it is equaled possible that the person who has taken a sick leave is not because of illness but goldbrick. The author's failure to investigate or even consider other possibilities renders the conclusion based on it highly suspect.

Second, the author's claim that less doctor means better health is not convincing too. Fewer doctors may mean insufficient in doctors and the residents in Leeville may need to cover a long distance to find a doctor, but it may be more convenient in Mason City because there are more doctors. And it means better caring of more doctors. The author does not give any evidence to demonstrate that less doctors in Leeville is a signal of better health and so makes the conclusion not convincing.

Finally, the author commits a fallacy of causal oversimplification in assuming that higher average age means greater longevity. We all know that many tired people will go to some small town like Leeville for living, and people in large city like Mason City where has more chances are almost young people fighting for their future. So in this situation average age does not mean longevity. If the author cannot rule out these possibilities, I will not accept the conclusion based on it.

To sum up, the author is not persuasive as it stands. Before we accept the claim, the author must present more substantial facts to prove that relaxed manner of living in small town promotes better health and greater longevity. Besides, the author must provide more evidence to validate the conclusion.

zhizi522UID：2307341

In this argument the author reaches the conclusion that people seeking longer and healthier lives should consider moving to small communities because the relaxed manner of living in small towns promotes better health and greater longevity than in big cities. To support this conclusion, the author cites a report as evidence. An additional reason given in support of this recommendation is the comparing with the number of doctors and the average age between the two places. I find this argument logically unconvincing in several respects.开头还是长了些吧，建议简化了省出时间来给重头戏—后面的body

First of all, the author hastily assumes that fewer days of sick leave taken by individual workers means better health. It is possible that the population in Leeville is smaller than that in Mason City, and it is equaled possible that the person who has taken a sick leave is not because of illness but goldbrick.这里感觉可以加一句针对例子的论述，显得更有说服力 The author's failure to investigate or even consider other possibilities renders the conclusion based on it highly suspect.

Second, the author's claim that less doctor means better health is not convincing too. Fewer doctors may mean insufficient in doctors and the residents in Leeville may need to cover a long distance to find a doctor, but it may be more convenient in Mason City because there are more doctors. 这句话是在批驳什么？怎么觉得和批驳不怎么相关？没说明白至少And it means better caring of more doctors. The author does not give any evidence to demonstrate that less doctors in Leeville is a signal of better health and so makes the conclusion not convincing.你想说医生数和健康状况不相关，但整段你好像仅仅说了医生的多少对人们就医方便与否的影响，和健康的关系完全没有提呀，这样批驳很苍白

Finally, the author commits a fallacy of causal oversimplification in assuming that higher average age means greater longevity. We all know that many tired 这个词用的感觉好别扭people will go to some small town like Leeville for living, and people in large city like Mason City where has more chances are almost young people fighting for their future. So in this situation average age does not mean longevity. If the author cannot rule out these possibilities, I will not accept the conclusion based on it.恩，这点我起初没考虑到，学习

To sum up, the author is not persuasive as it stands. Before we accept the claim, the author must present more substantial facts to prove that relaxed manner of living in small town promotes better health and greater longevity. Besides, the author must provide more evidence to validate the conclusion.

段内的攻击可以再深入些
其他好像还好了，呵，一起加油！

寂寞樱花UID：2306511

谢谢，我的A确实写的比较有问题，我会根据意见再改进一下的~