N001_第六次作业

wgaggassi34UID: 2279352

Although many students in secondary school have great interest in art and music, it must be admitted that, they have limited experience and knowledge about how to appreciate music and art.  

There is no denying that secondary school students have heavy study task, another extra course will add to their study burdens. However, to some extent, study(studying) art and music courses are quite necessary for students in secondary school.  Curriculum should contain diversiform(diverse forms?) aspect, such as introducing about the Renaissance, and how to appreciate different types of painting and music.  After taking relative courses, students will get to know the origin of the Renaissance and how the Renaissance contributes to later art forms. Also, they will find it is exciting when they enjoy oil, watercolor, and mural paintings.  Beside(s), when they enjoy music, they can understand different genre(?genres) better.

Admittedly, after a day’s hard studying, listening to music and viewing different types of art enable students to feel(删掉) relax, and to release them from stress from studying(多余了). Recently, it is generally accepted that listening to classical music, such as sonata composed by Mozart, can make people stay calm.  Meanwhile, viewing fine art, take(taking) landscape painting for example, people will find life is(删掉) so beautiful and enjoy it better.

In addition, since many different subjects are interlinked, such as symmetry in architecture and in mathematics, it is conceivable that art plays important roles in our life. Another good case in point is that appropriate decorated color and background music have a great influence on turnover in a shopping center. Therefore, the majority of students believe that learning art and music will not only relax them in daily life, but also provide them with more opportunities to develop their skills, which may put them in a favorable position in the future job position.

From what has been discussed above, it is quite clear that studying art and music is quite necessary to students in secondary school.

语言和构思其实还不错,就是语法错误有点多,还有很多没挑出来.

[ 本帖最后由 wgaggassi34 于 2007-4-29 16:34 编辑 ]

wgaggassi34UID: 2279352

Recently the topic whether it’s necessary for all students to study art and music in secondary school or not(whether后面最好不要用or not) has aroused more and more people’s attentions. As the old saying goes, “Life is short, art is long.” The art and music can bring good(?noun) to most of our middle school students mentally, make them have a better understanding of beauty, while some exceptions must be considered.

First of all, art and music are the most invaluable treasures of our mankind. Mozart, Beethoven and other great musicians has(have) left our teenagers so many masterpieces to free from regular subjects, like Math, Physics and so on. And all these kinds of art and music can broad youngsters’ scope and even have a more deep understanding of fate as well as themselves. For instance, once a teenager who happened to be lost at the crossroad of life had made up her mind to commit a suicide. However, on the way to buy some soporific, a melody with strong rhymes called up her attention, at the same time it called for her hope for a new life. This melody is just Beethoven 5th Symphony Orchestra, “Fate Knocking at the gate”. Maybe Beethoven himself has never thought Symphony NO.5, which had been finished after he was blind and deaf, could change a girl’s fate and inspire her to move on the road for a better future.

On the second place, art and music can make students develop at full scale and even do some favor to study. Instead of distracting the students from their courses which are compulsive to take preparing for SAT, it do provide a very opportunity to release from homework and enormous pressure from study. Provided after half day of hard work, your body were totally worn out and your concentration can’t be focused,and nothing would be more wonderful and exciting than to play your favorite tape and to sing along with your familiar melodies. Only in a few minute, your energy would come back to you again.

Admittedly, if students are not interested in art and music, it might have some bad effects like hatred and anger and sounds not human(想表达什么?听起来不人性?humanity?). Everybody knows clearly that you can lead horse to water while you can’t make it drink. If some student does protest strongly against studying art and music, some exclusion may be taken into account.

Generally speaking, the advantages of requiring students to study art and music overwhelm the disadvantages. Meanwhile, we should also respect some special students’ demands and give them a satisfactory answer.

学习中...第二段特别好!

[ 本帖最后由 wgaggassi34 于 2007-4-29 16:45 编辑 ]

nunu620UID: 2332744

前面没看清楚，现在写还能批改吗

[ 本帖最后由 nunu620 于 2007-4-29 16:51 编辑 ]

wgaggassi34UID: 2279352

Art and music are regarded as sources of wits for its free styles,unchained inspirations, and most importantly, its abnormal thoughts which deviatefrom the everyday life and scientific reality. Thus it is quite necessary for all students to study art and music in secondary school, even those whose future field do not have much relationship with art or music and those who in leisure time show little interests in them as well.
Art and music help us appreciate beauty in life. It is necessary for ushuman beings to be able to enjoy the beautiful scene of nature, the loftiness of soul, and the freedom of emotion as well. Usually, in art and music works, we can free our imagination to the antediluvian era, forth to millions of yearsadvance in future, deep to the souls and heart, faraway to the outer space…. We really appreciate their beauty, inspiration and imagination. Students should beobliged to study art and music in that once they miss the opportunity to breedinterest in these areas, it may be much harder for them to admire it any more in their adult life, which is rather a heavy loss of happiness.
Moreover, art and music are characterized by fancy and illusion, which can inspire our imagination as well as intelligence. Albert Einstein once said that imagination is more important than knowledge, and it is well known that the abundant imagination is the foundation stone for his great invention. When weretrospect, we may find that every innovation was born from an idea or aconcept, and most of them are produced by free imagination. Industrial revolution is a good example to well demonstrate how crucial imagination is to the development of society. As art and music contribute a lot to imagination, it is quite necessary for youngsters to study them.
Besides, art and music provide us with a pleasant way of relaxation. When wecome back home after school, pieces of art works and various kinds of light music, rock music or classical music, make us more comfortable, since when weindulge ourselves in these, we will forget the pressure in school, such as the intense competition between classmates, numerous boring exams. What’s more, usually artand music works are very beautiful or interesting; we can get lots of fun from them.
In sum, our life will never be so nice without the presence of art and music. Youngsters should be urged and conducted in their early life to study art and music, not for them to be artists or musicians, but to make their life more beautiful, to enrich their imagination, as well as get relaxation.

总体感觉非常好,3号的实力还是很强的!学习中....
错误就没什么好挑的了.

[ 本帖最后由 wgaggassi34 于 2007-4-29 17:00 编辑 ]

zyechozyUID: 2253463

10号同学的作业修改

There is a general discussion these days over the issue that if we should demand overall students to learn art and music in high school. Before giving my opinion, I think it is necessary to look at the arguments on both sides. If we ask the teenagers to study art and music, it may improves(improve) their personality and peculiarity sometimes. But if they do not enjoy them completely and we still oblige them to suffer it, the impact must be contrary absolutely. So the way I see it, there is no essential to require every student to take art and music curriculums in their secondary school.

First of all, experts in increasing numbers are beginning to believe if adolescents are forced to take something that they do not want, they ordinarily evade from it or even reject it intensely. So if we just command them to learn but neglect the sense of them, we could get nothing but resist from them. Take a common situation as a perfect illustration. When students do not interest in one discipline they may choose to absent the class to do what they tend to. Even teachers try plentiful means to reduce this problem such as call-over, assign work in the class and so on. But the fact is the effect is nearly none. Art and music lesson is in the same way, so we should not require them to take these courses as major properly.

There is also another fundamental cause, when we tell students to take these courses for integrant, there must leave less and less extra time for themselves. They will have no time for their original hobbies which they extremely trend. We must admit that no one could be so exuberant that can control everything under his or her mind. So if students accept too many than they could afford, their energy will be exhausted. Consequently, neither the major class nor the other aspects will be concerned actually.

Additionally, the no denying fact is that if every individual was required to took(take) the same lesson, they must be compared with each other by not only teachers but also parents or even themselves. So if one is really not at one subject and fail again and again, others may look down upon them. It will lead to an irreversible result that they may lose their self-confidence, even in the field which they do achieve.

So I strongly believe that schools should not order their students to take art and music. We should remain more spare time for youngster to embrace their interests, like sport, dancing and otherwise, in order to advance their character comprehensive.

确实改不出什么了……
是这次作文中少有的反对观点的文章，值得学习！
口语很清晰，只是第二段时间没有用完，空得还有点多。语速不快，内容少了点

davidieeeUID: 2315980

In the city I’m living in, the education system is payingmore and more emphasis on the music and fine arts since the city educationboard realized their importance on the students’ education to make them  a ‘whole person’. But when it comes to thequestion if all students should be required to have art and music as compulsorycourse in secondary school, my answer is no.

First I maintain the purpose of education is to teach themethod of learning instead of the knowledge itself. Based on this principle,educators will better inspire students’ interest if they let their studentsknow the beauty of music and arts as the treasure of the whole mankind,spanning multi-culture environment. It will make no sense to add such coursesas mandatory training before students even know what these courses can bring tothem, and before students even learn to appreciate them.

Second, there is no denying the fact that generally for mostof the students music and arts are good for them. However some others just cannot benefit any from such courses. A basic rule of education is to treat eachindividual’s interest and choice with respect, instead of giving same trainingand instruction for all the people. Only when students have their choices, theycan devote themselves to these domains with expiration. The responsibility ofour education system is to let those being educated know the advantage ofvarious/sundry courses, and offer them the opportunities of taking thesecourses. Besides, basically when someone is forced to doing something, theyseldom can do it wholeheartedly and do it best. Let’s say the counter-culturein U.S. 60’s, which is good example for adolescents’ reaction to sucheducation.

Therefore,my opinion is arts and music is highly recommended courses in secondary schoolbut to make them mandatory courses is not a good idea. We should believestudents are wise enough to make the right educational choice for themselves,and make the campus a diversified one.

wgaggassi34UID: 2279352

I strongly agree that all the students need to have balanced development in their fields of study, while not only confining to a limited scope. However, whether all the students should be required to study art and music in
secondary school is a question which need further discussion.
     
  Art and music will lead students to a world which is totally different with the realm of Science. The  irregular patterns with a kaleidoscope of color make students understand that besides the rigid reasoning, the compositions without any rules are also wonderful. Listening to some parts of classical music will loose their nervous minds after long periods of memorizing monotonous formula. In other respect, students may find some inspiration for innovations when they emerge themselves into the world of art or music. Perhaps some pitches simulated Einstein when he was playing violin then he found his special theory of relativity, who can deny that? Moreover, through the study of art and music, some students may find where their real interests lie in. It is good for those students because when they go to colleges, they can choose their fields which they have gifts.

    However, if every student is required to study art and music in secondary school, I would worry that maybe the courses could be a loading to some students, especially those who feel difficult to keep the pace with others. My point is if(whether) their aims are to further their study(什么意思?) in higher level schools, of course here not including art colleges, they should spend more time on the courses which will be examined, such as Mathematics, English, etc..  Also, the responsibility of schools and teachers is to transfer students with basic scientific knowledge to higher level schools, they should not put too much effort to the courses of art and music.   
   
    Based on the above discussion, I'd like to put art and music as supplemental courses. Music can be broadcasted during the break between classes, art reviewing can be arranged after school. Schools may encourage those who have real interests in art and music to go further, but should not require all the students to study art and music as compulsory courses.

和第一篇作文相比,你的作文没有大的进步,虽然还是不错,但还有值得改进的地方,加油!

[ 本帖最后由 wgaggassi34 于 2007-4-29 18:13 编辑 ]

wgaggassi34UID: 2279352

All students should be required to study art and music in secondary school or not?
21 century is known as the era of knowledge exploding. We all suffer(不错) the pressure of learning too much new knowledge, and enjoy the advantage of it at the same times(time). But in this situation, I abruptly notice an interesting phenomenon: people talking about genuine music and art become less and less! And the so-called fans may tell you they are crazy about music, but the music they loved sounds like heavy metal noise, which make(makes) you sick; they may talk about how they enjoy the time in The Louvre Museum, but say proudly it only take them one minute to pass the world famous artwork Mona Lisa. So in my opinion, all the students should be required to spend some time on art and music in secondary school!
Music and art are important to our country. Every powerful nation must have the high-spirit of art to keep its high development speed. American(USA) can have the leadership of the world own to the fact that it’s an emigrant(有点说不过去!) country(2个句子了). Its multiple culture, music and art give the creative to the nation to increase the speed of country development.
I think the regardless of art and music partly the fault of our education system. In my country, the secondary school did have the plan of cultivate the student with the music and art interest. Unfortunately, it’s not related to the exam of entering the college. So none of the students take the course seriously, they prefer to spend time on math, physics, chemistry or language courses. On the other hand, school has to guarantee the rate of entering higher school(升学率不是这样表达的!), so school doesn’t regard the music and art course too. Maybe we have to wait until the day that government change the police(policy) about the system of entering a higher school(太怪了!前面都没讲wait,突然出现wait了.是不是可以用Shall we keep this situation?).

首先,你的开头实在太短,建议向别的同学学习一下开头,看到第一段分数就肯定打不上去.
其次,每段开头感觉都很突然.加点短语吧.
有进步(有些句子写的其实已经很不错了),不过还是要多加油.可以多学学精华作文!

[ 本帖最后由 wgaggassi34 于 2007-4-29 18:27 编辑 ]

小龙团茶UID: 2298034

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? All students should be required to study art and music in secondary school.

All students should be required to study art and music in secondary school or not?
21 century is known as the era of knowledge exploding. We all suffer the pressure of learning too much new knowledge, and (用but转折下有压力但是同时又在享受)enjoy the advantage of it at the same times. But in this situation, I abruptly notice an interesting phenomenon: people talking about genuine music and art become（应该用becomes吧people talking about genuine music and art作为一个整体） less and less! And the so-called fans may tell you they crazy about music, but the music they loved sounds like heavy metal noise,（你不能说重音乐就是噪音啊，世界上好多人都喜欢听，他也算音乐的一种，当然和音乐厅的音乐截然不同，不要以你的审美去判断，这个例子不好，不普遍。） which make you sick; they may talk about how they enjoy the time（enjoy themselves） in The Louvre Museum, but say proudly it only take them one minute to pass the world famous artwork Mona Lisa（有些不懂了， they enjoy the time怎末还proudly it only take them one minute? proudly换成complainingly.） So in my opinion, all the students should be required to spend some time on art and music in secondary school!
Music and art are important to our country. Every powerful nation must have the high-spirit of art to keep its high development speed. American can have the leadership of the world own to(own 动词 改为because of) the fact that it’s an emigrant country. Its multiple culture, music and art give the creative to the nation to increase the speed of country development.(你只是说了artmusic对国家有利，可是却没有具体说都怎末有利了！考官要看到你得details!)
I think the regardless of art and music partly the fault of our education system. In my country, the secondary school did(do) have the plan of cultivate the student with the music and art interest. Unfortunately, it’s not related to the exam of entering the college.(它们最多算是个选修课，学生可以凭爱好选择，在外国恐怕也没有要求进入大学你的音乐和美术吧) So none of the students take the course seriously, they prefer spend time on math, physics, chemistry or language courses. On the other hand, school has to guarantee the rate of entering higher school, so school doesn’t regard the music and art course too. Maybe we have to wait until the day that government change the police(policy) about（没有必要去掉） the system of entering a higher school.
这篇文章总的来说最大的缺点就是文章论点和论据之间缺少逻辑性，结构也不算清晰，而这恰恰是考官第一个要看得！不知道你是否是在匆忙下写的，忘改进，在选择例证上多思考

小龙团茶UID: 2298034

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? All students should be required to study art and music in secondary school.

Should all students be required to study art and music?

There is a general discussion these days over the issue that if we should demand overall students to learn art and music in high school. Before giving my opinion, I think it is necessary to look at the arguments on both sides. If we ask the teenagers to study art and music, it may improves their personality and peculiarity(和personality重复) sometimes. But if they do not enjoy them completely and we still oblige them to suffer it, the impact must be contrary absolutely. So the way I see it（去掉）, there is no essential to require every student to take art and music curriculums in their secondary school.
First of all, experts in increasing numbers are beginning to believe if adolescents are forced to take something that they do not want, they ordinarily evade from it or even reject it intensely. So if we just command them to learn but neglect the sense（feeling） of them, we could get nothing but resist from them. Take a common situation as a perfect illustration. When students do not interest in one discipline they may choose to absent the class to do what they tend to. Even teachers try plentiful means to reduce this problem such as call-over, assign work in the class and so on. But the fact is the effect is nearly none. (这个例子举的好很贴切，很能证明你的论点)Art and music lesson is in the same way, so we should not require them to take these courses as major properly.
There is also another fundamental cause, when we tell students to take these courses for integrant, there must leave less and less extra time for themselves. They will have no time for their original hobbies which they extremely trend. We must admit that no one could be so exuberant that can control everything under his or her mind. So if students accept too many than they could afford, their energy will be exhausted. Consequently, neither the major class nor the other aspects will be concerned actually.
Additionally, the no denying fact is that if every individual was required to took the same lesson, they must be compared with each other by not only teachers but also parents（这和家长有什莫关系啊！） or even themselves. So if one is really not at one subject and fail again and again, others may look down upon them. It will lead to an irreversible result that they may lose their self-confidence, even in the field which they do achieve.（不只这两个学科，任何一个学科都会出现这种情况，你应该说没有兴趣的话更容易fail）
So I strongly believe that schools should not order their students to take art and music. We should remain more spare time for youngster to embrace their interests, like sport, dancing and otherwise, in order to advance their character comprehensive.
总的来说还是不错的，尤其是前两个论点论据都不错，第三个就有些说不通了，如果再加油一点就差不多得4分，完了5分！
你的口语流畅，但是最大的缺点是重音！有些单词的尾音应该是清读的，你读得很重，这样不好。还有些单词读音不准，望加强练习。内容再充实些

leiwangcasUID: 2269050

I agree with the statement that all students should be required to study art and music in secondary school.
there are several reasons for students to take the course of art and music.
first, art and music are important spirit fortunes which were gained little by little through generations, infinite people made their efforts to the contribution of art and music, they put their whole life in tracing art and music, like Beethoven, Mozart, van gogh etc. Because of their ardent endeavor, it comes to today's bloom situation. It is a big treasure of human being.
In the second place, students should study not only science, technology, business, politics but also art and music. In order to make a comprehensive man, one have to have broad view, absorb all kinds of knowledge, one will benefits all his lifetime from the knowledge he learn.
Third, art and music can make one's life colorful and exciting. Through appreciating art works and listening to melodious music, we are great satisfied by the wonderful works. art and music can release our tension in the competitive society. Also we can relax ourselves through art and music.
The most important reason is that the policy of requiring students to take art and music courses will foster more artists and musicians. So I agree with the statement.

gnuliutingtingUID: 2123029

Recently the topic whether it’s necessary for all students to study art and music in secondary school or not has aroused more and more people’s attentions. As the old saying goes, “Life is short, art is long.” The art and music can bring good to most of our middle school students mentally, make them have a better understanding of beauty, while some exceptions must be considered.

First of all, art and music are the most invaluable treasures of our mankind. Mozart, Beethoven and other great musicians have left our teenagers so many masterpieces to free from regular subjects, like Math, Physics and so on. And all these kinds of art and music can broad youngsters’ scope and even have a more deep understanding of fate as well as themselves. For instance, once a teenager who happened to be lost at the crossroad of life had made up her mind to commit suicide. However, on the way to buy some soporific, a melody with strong rhymes called up her attention, at the same time it called for her hope for a new life. This melody is just Beethoven 5th Symphony Orchestra, “Fate Knocking at the gate”. Maybe Beethoven himself has never thought Symphony NO.5, which had been finished after he was blind and deaf, could change a girl’s fate and inspire her to move on the road for a better future.

On the second place, art and music can make students develop at full scale and even do some favor to study. Instead of distracting the students from their courses which are compulsive to take preparing for SAT, it does provide a very opportunity to release from homework and enormous pressure from study. Provided after half day of hard work, your body were totally worn out and your concentration can’t be focused, and nothing would be more wonderful and exciting than to play your favorite tape and to sing along with your familiar melodies. Only in a few minute, your energy would come back to you again.

Admittedly, if students are not interested in art and music, it might have some bad effects like hatred and anger and sounds not inhuman. Everybody knows clearly that you can lead horse to water while you can’t make it drink. If some student does protest strongly against studying art and music, some exclusion may be taken into account.

Generally speaking, the advantages of requiring students to study art and music overwhelm the disadvantages. Meanwhile, we should also respect some special students’ demands and give them a satisfactory answer.