六月IELTS 七分保底小组 (A类)H-Kevin 第一次作业

wushashaUID: 2289713

谢谢版主（H-Kevin），按照我们的分工，我要改 xuezhongyang 的，我正认真修改，今天就改完上传……

wushashaUID: 2289713

homework of Xuezhongyang
Task one :
Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home , house work and gardening . Do you know how many hours in different families , women and men , should cost on doing the unpaid work ?

As the diagram present (presented) , we can know clearly that the hours cost on unpaid work per week are shoot up from the women have one baby （不是一个小孩，是without children） to three babies. On the contary, the hours cost of the men are not have an obvious change.

The men who didn’t （时态与上面的不一致，上面你大多数用的是现在时，这里用了过去时） have a baby pay nearly 20 hours on unpaid work per week while the women should pay 30 hours .The families which have one or two babies have a big change with the women .They should pay 50 hours on unpaid work while the men still cost 20 hours . In addition ,the families which have three babies have a histrionic change on men and women . The women cost 55 hours on unpaid work , only have a tiny change （这个变化只是相对前一个柱子，但是从整体来看，还是有增高趋势，我觉着这是需要指出的） . However, the hours of the men should （should 感觉用的不是很合适，好像不是“应该”的意思） cost on unpaid work desend nearly 3 hours .

Face to such a change on the diagram, we can see that babies play an important part in the women’s lives. If the families have one more baby , mother’s own spare time would be tie up much more . Nevertheless, father’s leisure-time seem that haven’t get （应该是过去分词）more disturb. Why babies change a mother’s normal life ? To my way of thinking , as a result of mother’s love of the babies .They cost much more time with this kinds of unpaid work.

你比较详细地介绍了该图，我觉着(yidi)版主说得很对，task 1 关键是“表述清楚，让人家不看图表也能想象的出图表内容”。其次就是注意语言问题，可以多用一些句式……

H-KevinUID: 2182070

楼上这为兄弟,我是楼主, 不是版主:confused:  ,资历和级别差老远了:loveliness:

以后大家就这么互改,然后互相学习

原帖由 wushasha 于 2007-4-29 10:43 发表
谢谢版主（H-Kevin），按照我们的分工，我要改 xuezhongyang 的，我正认真修改，今天就改完上传……

wushashaUID: 2289713

Sorry! :loveliness:

H-KevinUID: 2182070

作业五篇已经全部写完了,大家尽快提交,互相修改

yidi mercuryUID: 195299

heihei~~欢迎帮偶忙蛤。。呵呵

H-KevinUID: 2182070

yidi斑竹,可不可以帮我看一下我的最后一篇文章(issue 2)可以拿多少分?我怎么觉得自己写跑题了?

是不是机器打字比手写快啊,我限时打的发现打了420个字吧,估计笔写来不及

yidi mercuryUID: 195299

:eek:
看了下，觉得还可以，但是思维很中国化，我总感觉这文章翻译成中文很不错~~呵呵~~
注意以下例子什么的，感觉有点空。。

灵雨离子UID: 2332383

图表题1

The diagram(bar-diagram 第一段要说明是什么类型的图表) describes that there is a significantly rise in the average hoursof unpaid work per week due to the women or men whether have children.

The women spent almost 30 hours per week,in such unpaid work as childcare and housework, compare (compared这里我感觉是不是用这个形式～) to only 18 hours that spent by the men before both of them withoutchildren.

If them have more than one child, the hoursof unpaid work for women increased to at least 53 hours per week. However, evenin this dramatically change with women, the men still spent about 18 hours perweek. And if the number of children rise from one to three, there is a slightlydecrease in the hours that spent by men for unpaid work.

The data suggest that the increased number (figures 词汇多样化) of children cause women utilize much more their leisure time in thehouse working. The men also need spent most their time to earn enough money forfeeding children.

图表题2

As can be seen from two pie charts, whichdescribe the career structure of males and females respectively, manual andnon-manual work attract different amount of employees based on the gender.

In the manual employment, they are similar rate (rates) incraft work (32% in female and 28% in male) (这里感觉写得很好,很简洁). But (However, 少用but) in another part of manual employment, marked as other manual, themale work present obvious high rate (21% of all) compared with female workers (4.5%of all).

In thenon-manual employment (这里最好不要用这个开头，与第二段重了，不能体现句子的多样化), the difference is moredistinct than that in the manual employment. That 38% male employee work in themanagerial and profession field is slightly higher than the rate of femaleemployee (30%) in the same department. And almost 30% female employeedistribute in the clerical and related field where only 5% male employee work.

So, (去掉，太啰嗦，考官不喜欢) according to the chart,the characteristic of gender is a undeniable factor, when the people search asuitable job. For instance, that the quality of chariness and wariness in the female induce more andmore female work as a clerical.

图表小结：（图三没有看，因为我没有写，对图表不太清楚）感觉还是有一定词汇量的，句型多样化，但缺少复杂性的句子，长句不代表复杂。



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Issue 2

We are becoming increasingly dependent oncomputers. They are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even tofly planes. What thinks will they be used for in the future? Is thisdependences on computers a good thins or should we be suspicious of theirbenefits.


There is a(an 注意细节) undeniable fact that the computer has been used widely in every (each) fieldin the modern society from the research of science to the application in thefactory, the computer is the very important approach to make the whole processmore easily and rapidly. Especially, since the internet, which run in thecomputer net and can provide such profit (profits) as the long-distance training, securitytrade and etc to the people in the every corner of the world, invented by afamous computer laboratory, the function of computer has been a tool that cannever be eliminated. So the advent of computer is the big contribution for thewhole population, and will assist us to have a good development of society inthe future.


Firstly, the computing rate of a computeris billion times than that of a mathematics scientist. In many filed, such asthe missile and aircraft study, the attainment can not be fulfilled withoutcomputer. We can not image how much formula the thousands and hundredsscientist will done. And everybody know that in this study, the accurate datais the very important for the entire process just a mistake like err in decentwill cause the failure of the all experiment, even the life of people.

Secondly, the internet, which is a tool weuse it everyday, is a function provided by computer. Through the net, we canknow the others the information immediately just by chat software. And the long-distanceeducation is also support the African people to get a chance to be trained in aAmericauniversity. Without the internet, that just a dream for that Africa student toachieve his Americadream. The absconding criminal also will be arrest when their fingerprints aretransport by the internet from the foreign country to his original country.


But (however 才可与逗号这样用吧), in the future, the development of application of computer sciencewithout control is dangerous action for the people. As we see in the novel, ifwe give the robot a strong computing process unit in their system, which iscreated by a crazy scientist, the tragedy will happened like the terriblesituation in the movie Superman or Spiderman. In that case, the immoderatedespondence of computer in the future will cause the chance that computerbecome a aggressive machine without the control and ethical standard.


In conclusion, the life of modern peoplehas been changed indescribably. Most of us will lose our mind when we found oneday computer disappeared. Just see (seeing / to see) the position in this century, thereis no obvious harm for the despondence on computer. However, following thedevelopment of the computer science, there will be a potential risk to us if westick to depend on utilizing the computer in every layer of our living.

小结：你很喜欢把大量介词放在一个句子中，我不知这样能会不会造成语法问题，但总是感觉不太好，另外你的字太多了,第二篇有500+，要求只要250，考试时试卷你是写不下的，你向考官要他是不会给你的，另外评卷的老外只有２分钟看，你的这么长，我担心他没有耐心看反而给了你一个低分。不过文章很有条理性。

H-KevinUID: 2182070

谢谢修改:)

字数大概多少比较合适?

灵雨离子UID: 2332383

原帖由 H-Kevin 于 2007-5-6 16:46 发表
谢谢修改:)

字数大概多少比较合适?

这里有人发了作文的答题练，你看看你能写多少，每行大约10个字多一点