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Topic:
93. Many students have to live with roommates while going to school or university. What are some of the important qualities of a good roommate? Use specific reasons and examples to explain why these qualities are important.

Article:

At universities, choosing a good roomate to share the apartment you live in is very important for your studying and life. A good roommate can creat a good living environment that can take a positive effect on your studying, and in other words, a bad one cannot bring troubles to you. Thus, I think that a good roommate should have nestness, friendliness, and a regular habit in daily life.

Studying in a nest and clean environment can make you feel comprotable, and you do not need to spend much more time on cleaning the room. That is to say, you can concentrate on your studying. However, if your roommate do not like clean the room frequently and like to throw the garbage around the ground, it is a bad news for you becuse it may bring about some arguments over who should clean the room. Certainly, it is a negative factor for your studying and healthy.

A friendly roommate can hold a pleasant conversation with you when all of you are taking a break from study. And it is possible that you can discuss a problem on your subject with your earnest roommate because he/she may explain the answer to this question potently and comprehensively. It is necessary for a student to study in a discussion with others. A education report indicates that studying with a friendly and earnest one can improve the efficiency 1.5 times than the one does not do this.

Finally, a roommate has a regular habit in daily life is also important to create a good environment in your room. You cannot concentrate on your studying or fall asleep under the condition that your roommate always play music loudly at night. If you cannot sleep for a enough time, you cannot study energeticly.

In conclusion, choosing a nest, friendly roommate with a regular habit in daily life is important not only for your studying, but it also a positive factor to your daily life.

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At universities, choosing a good roomate to share the apartment you live in is very important for your studying and life. A good roommate can creat a good living environment that can（同一情态动词在一个句子中重复出现不合适，一个改成may）  take a positive effect on your studying, and in other words, a bad one cannot （笔误?） bring troubles to you.(you显得太口头化，改称one之类的) （因为室友很重要，所以这些品质很重要？因果关系不成立。一般说这种背景应该说：因为室友很重要，所以我们需要考虑他的品质，而在我看来，这些品质包括……这样才能形成因果对应）Thus, I think that a good roommate should have nestness, friendliness, and a regular habit in daily life.

Studying in a nest and clean environment can make you feel comprotable, and you do not need to spend much more time on cleaning the room.（- -b 这是室友还是保姆……先不论这个出发点是否合适，这句作为段首句过于细节化，应该先说明分论点，然后再具体说明好处，不然之后的内容容易被限定住难以展开） That is to say, you can concentrate on your studying. However, if your roommate do not like clean the room frequently and like to throw the garbage around the ground,（用句过于baby talk了，这里最好改称：If a roommate commits passive attitude toward room cleaning and always trends to create garbage） it is a bad news for you becuse it may bring about some arguments over who should clean the room.（这里的因果关系又是很脆弱，谁扔谁拣不是很合理么？乱扔东西的直接结果是环境糟糕而不是为了谁要打扫房间而吵架） Certainly, it is a negative factor for your studying and healthy.（why? 有论断没论证，别人可以说：搞不好吵架还能增进感情呢）

A friendly roommate can hold a pleasant conversation with you when all （both） of you are taking a break from study. And it is possible that you can discuss a problem on your subject with your earnest roommate because he/she may explain the answer to this question potently and comprehensively.(能解释清楚问题和友好有必然因果联系？) It is necessary for a student to study in a discussion with others. A education report indicates that studying with a friendly and earnest one can improve the efficiency 1.5 times than the one does not do this.（逻辑太跳跃了，我想你的意思应该是好态度增进交流从而促进讨论，但现在句子的结构并没有这样的逻辑顺序和承接关系）

Finally, a roommate has a regular habit in daily life is also important to create a good environment in your room. You cannot concentrate on your studying or fall asleep under the condition that your roommate always play music loudly at night. If you cannot sleep for a enough time, you cannot study energeticly.（几个if...then的结构太单调，而且晚上大声放音乐跟作息时间也没有必然因果，如果很晚睡但是不放音乐的话也不会有什么影响，似乎讨论个人考虑他人感受更为合理）

In conclusion, choosing a nest, friendly roommate with a regular habit in daily life is important not only for your studying, but it also a positive factor to your daily life.

总评：
1，结构上比较零散，三段缺乏过渡和联系
2，逻辑太跳跃，因果联系不合理，或者说缺乏论证
3，语言口语化，you用的太多了，作为书面写作而不是口语考试这样显得不合适

xry98UID: 2178698

谢谢。

xugelanUID: 2336294

这个题目要写够字数还是有困难的

xugelanUID: 2336294

习作
In universities ,choosing a good roommate to share a apartment is important for our lives and studies.A good roommate can help creat an atmosphere of learning and maitain your relationship in harmony.On the other hand ,a roommate with bad habits may make you feel uncomfortable.In my opinion,an ideal roommate should bear some qualities like a healthy living habit ,tolerance to other people,as well as friendliness.

Primarily,it is the basic quality for a roommate to keep the room clean and lead a healthy life.No one would wish to be a roommate of a dirty people who is too slothful to wash his own clothes and like spitting everywhere.Besides,for the health of other people,one should not smoke in room because it is unpolite and unacceptable for roommates who dislike the bad smell.

Secondly,A good roommate should respect others and be tolerant toword others.It is admitted that every individual has his own living habit,you can not expect all the people would like what you like.Therefore,conflicts unavoidably appear among students living in the same room especially when they each has contradictory living habit and personality.When conflict comes,a good roommate need courage to show tolerance and find a solution to handle it.Take my experience for example, there are four roommmates in my dormitory and we four are good friends.At first i am not used to living with them because i prefer an early sleep but one of my roommates like to work in evening which really disturbs me in certain degree.However,after realizing the problem,we communicate with each other and finally solve it with compromises.He promised not to do noisy work after my sleep and i defer my sleeping time for an hour.

Last but not least,living in campus means an independent life far away from parents.If we compare our aparement to our home, roommates is our family members.Roommates should give their hands when others need help.In the process of study and living,one may encounter with lots of difficulties .For example, one needs friends' company when he/she is ill.I really cherish my roommates' valuable friendship,as once i feel upset and frustrated ,they are willing to stay with me ,listen to me and never turn their back on me.With their help,i found my life more colorful and meaningful.

In conclusion,a considerate roommate is rather important and influences a person positively on every aspects.

[ 本帖最后由 xugelan 于 2007-9-2 10:01 编辑 ]