Argument65【07-10G Superstar大帖】第四次作业 by Huaxinluobo

huaxinluoboUID: 2326780

The memo suggests that the chain of cheese stores to concentrate primarily domestic cheese to improve profit . To support this , a report of best sellers in new store and a survey by magazine are provided . However, after scrutiny , the memo suffers from three flews .
   
Firstly , the writer unfairly assumes that domestic cheese are selling well by the fact that the five best-selling cheese at newest store is cheddar cheese from Wisconsin. But the memo failed to prove it because the date of old stores is not given . It is entirely possible that in old stores best sellers are imported cheese, in which case it can not lead to the conclusion that domestic are popular. Moreover , even if domestic cheeses are popular in last year , no evidence has been provided to justify that in this year or coming years the popularity will continue. So , unless more information is given , the suggestion is unconvincing.
     
Secondly, with the result of survey by Cheese of the World the memo mistakenly concludes that customers will buy more domestic cheeses . The validity of the survey is dubious for that  subscribers of Cheese of the World may not be representative of all customers. Maybe they just subscribe the magazine for good introductions of domestic cheese . If this is the case , then the result can not support the memo. Even if the survey is valid, it can not leads to the conclusion for we do not know the subscribers’ preference for imported cheese. Maybe they still like imported cheese than domestic cheese although they like domestic cheese than before. Without ruling out this possibility, it is unreasonable to discontinue stocking imported cheese.  
      
Finally , conclusion is made too hastily. For one thing, the memo assumes that profit of domestic cheese is much higher that imported cheese but it is not proved . It is possible that profit of imported cheese is much higher than same amount of domestic cheese. In this case , although imported cheese sells less, it may bring more profit. Thus, even though domestic cheese is and will sell better than imported cheese, it may be unnecessary to stop stocking imported cheese. For the other, the memo ignores other effective ways . Without considering other possible means, it is justifiable to assert that this suggestion is the best.
      
To sum up, to justify the conclusion better, the writer needs to give more information to prove that domestic cheese will sell better, bring much more profit than imported cheese and that no better way exists except the way suggested.  


提纲：
1 老店的情况不知道，可能总量进口奶酪多。 即使现在多，将来不一定多。
2 调查不一定有效。 即使有效，没有证明进口奶酪不受欢迎。
3 即使国产奶酪卖的好，利润不一定比进口奶酪多。 没有考虑其他方案

laura001UID: 2295927

The memo suggests that the chain of cheese stores to concentrate primarily domestic cheese to improve profit . To support this , a report of best sellers in new store and a survey by magazine are provided . However, after scrutiny , the memo suffers from three flews . (错字)
   
Firstly , the writer unfairly assumes that domestic cheese are selling well by the fact that the five best-selling cheese at newest store is cheddar cheese from Wisconsin. But the memo failed (时态错)to prove it because the date of old stores is not given . It is entirely possible that in old stores best sellers are imported cheese, in which case it can not lead to the conclusion that domestic are popular. Moreover , even if domestic cheeses are popular in last year , no evidence has been provided to justify that in this year or coming years the popularity will continue. So , unless more information is given , the suggestion is unconvincing.
     
Secondly, with the result of survey by Cheese of the World the memo mistakenly concludes that customers will buy more domestic cheeses . The validity of the survey is dubious for that  subscribers of Cheese of the World may not be representative of all customers. Maybe they just subscribe the magazine for good introductions of domestic cheese .(我是觉得这可能性太小了) If this is the case , then the result can not support the memo. Even if the survey is valid, it can not leads to the conclusion for we do not know the subscribers’ preference for imported cheese. Maybe they still like imported cheese than domestic cheese although they like domestic cheese than before. Without ruling out this possibility, it is unreasonable to discontinue stocking imported cheese.  
      
Finally , conclusion is made too hastily. For one thing, the memo assumes that profit of domestic cheese is much higher that imported cheese but it is not proved . It is possible that profit of imported cheese is much higher than same amount of domestic cheese. In this case , although imported cheese sells less, it may bring more profit. Thus, even though domestic cheese is and will sell better than imported cheese, it may be unnecessary to stop stocking imported cheese. For the other thing, the memo ignores other effective ways .(后面要具体阐述下) Without considering other possible means, it is justifiable to assert that this suggestion is the best.
      
To sum up, to justify the conclusion better, the writer needs to give more information to prove that domestic cheese will sell better, bring much more profit than imported cheese and that no better way exists except the way suggested.

主要错误也找到了.但是有写该具体阐述下,还是能说具体点,不要含糊.
继续加油!

[ 本帖最后由 laura001 于 2007-6-3 22:13 编辑 ]