argument140 【METTLE】 第三次作业 by 一米八四

一米八四UID: 2317911

140The following appeared in a report of the Committee on Faculty Promotions and Salaries at Elm City University.

"During her seventeen years as a professor of botany, Professor Thomas has proved herself to be well worth her annual salary of $50,000. Her classes are among the largest at the university, demonstrating her popularity among students. Moreover, the money she has brought to the university in research grants has exceeded her salary in each of the last two years.Therefore, in consideration of Professor Thomas' demonstrated teaching and research abilities, we recommend that she receive a $10,000 raise and a promotion to Department Chairperson; without such a raise and promotion, we fear that Professor Thomas will leave Elm City University for another college."

In this argument, the committee thinks about give Professor Thomas a $10,000 raise and a promotion to Department Chairperson in order to make him stay at Elm City University. It is well—presented, but not thoroughly well—reasoned.
Firstly, Professor Thomas’s class is among the largest class at the university, it can not demonstrate that she is popularity among student. It is no direct relationship between the teacher’s popularity and the number of student attending the class. Professor Thomas’s class may be the only botany class at the university, perhaps all student are requested to attend the class because of it is a required course. In addition, even though Professor Thomas’s class is the most popular class at the university, it can not say that it is due to her high teaching level, the student may think that it is easy to learn, easy to pass. Without cleaning up these alternatives, the author can not make us trust that T's teaching ability is excellent.
Secondly, the mere fact that the amount of grant money Thomas attracted to the University last two year exceeded her salary proves noting about either her teaching abilities or her research abilities. Perhaps last two years’ exceeding is an coincidence.
Thomas may not attract so much greater money in the other years. Moreover, I can not see any relation ship between the amount of grant money and the abilities of research, It can be evaluated by other ways, such as the papers the one delivered. Without such a crucial standard which used assess one professor's researching ability, the author's assertion is unconvincing.
Thirdly, if without the promotion, is Professor Thomas will leave his position for another university? As we know, she had been in this position for 17 years, she may have been used to it, she may is content to her salary level and current position, the report provides no evidence whatsoever regarding the likelihood that Professor Thomas would leave.
In conclusion, the committee’s recommendation is ill—founded. The consideration is based on unwarranted evidence. To better strengthen and fortify the argument, the speaker should strengthen his procedure of demonstrating by providing more convincing evidence and present a more persuasive reasoning line.

一米八四UID: 2317911

MS这个比issue 好写多了呵呵
请指教

happyhappypigUID: 2342810

In this argument, the committee thinks about giving Professor Thomas a $10,000 raise and a promotion to Department Chairperson in order to make him stay at Elm City University. It is well—presented, but not thoroughly well—reasoned.最后这句有点重复

Firstly, the fact that Professor Thomas’s class is among the largest classes at the university can not demonstrate that she is popularity among student. 你的ts好像都有语法问题哦,这个要扣印象分的吧It is there is no direct relationship between the teacher’s popularity and the number of student attending the class. Professor Thomas’s class may be the only botany class at the university, perhaps all student are requested to attend the class because of it is a required course. In addition, even though Professor Thomas’s class is the most popular class at the university, it can not say that it is due to her high teaching level, the student may think that it is easy to learn, easy to pass. Without cleaning up these alternatives, the author can not make us trust that T's teaching ability is excellent.这段展开的不错,语言也ok

Secondly, the mere fact that the amount of grant money Thomas attracted to the University last two year exceeded her salary proves nothing about either her teaching abilities or her research abilities. Perhaps last two years’ exceeding is an coincidence.Thomas may not attract so much greater money in the other years. Moreover, I can not see any relation ship between the amount of grant money and the abilities of research, It can be evaluated by other ways, such as the papers the one delivered. Without such a crucial standard which used assess one professor's researching ability, the author's assertion is unconvincing.点是点到了,但是感觉没看够的感觉,多一点论述会不会好点?

Thirdly, if without the promotion, is is 去掉 will Professor Thomas leave his position for another university? As we know, she had been in this position for 17 years, she may have been used to it, she may is content to her salary level and current position, the report provides no evidence whatsoever regarding the likelihood that Professor Thomas would leave. 这里好像没有展看哦

In conclusion, the committee’s recommendation is ill—founded. The consideration is based on unwarranted evidence. To better strengthen and fortify the argument, the speaker should strengthen his procedure of demonstrating by providing more convincing evidence and present a more persuasive reasoning line.
结尾有点太模板了,基本上没提到题目里的东西,最好具体一点吧

刚才改了一遍,结果发表的时候没了~~~气死我了,加油
另外好多单复数和语法错误,这些以后尽量避免,最好一次就写对
另外字数感觉有点少,感觉好多东西只是点到为止,还没有展开,多看看例文吧

[ 本帖最后由 happyhappypig 于 2007-6-17 21:32 编辑 ]

amyzhaoUID: 2250810

还是第一篇写成这样就不错了，以后会更好的，加油吧！看了一下,感觉happyhappypig说的蛮到位的了，我也没啥能补充的。嗯，稍微提一点建议吧，权作参考好了。

Secondly, the mere fact that the amount of grant money Thomas attracted to the University last two year exceeded her salary proves nothing about either her teaching abilities or her research abilities. Perhaps last two years’ exceeding is an coincidence.Thomas may not attract so much greater money in the other years. Moreover, I can not see any relation ship between the amount of grant money and the abilities of research, 这个地方是不是的加点东西过渡一下，先解释下为什么说grant money 与abilities of research不相关，然后再说后面这些真正能评价其能力的因素的缺乏，这样是不是能好些。要不然感觉有些脱节 It can be evaluated by other ways, such as the papers the one delivered. Without such a crucial standard which used assess one professor's researching ability, the author's assertion is unconvincing.