argument38 【METTLE小组】第四次作业 by 一米八四

一米八四UID: 2317911

38The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.

"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."

攻击开始
1 论点吃鱼管用并不代表吃鱼油也管用提炼过程成分流失而且药的副作用无法考证
2 论据 EM一年去2次医院看感冒也许他们气候好不会经常感冒 ;感冒也不一定每次都去医院也许他们爱在家里吃药
3 结论就算感冒问题解决了矿工问题就一定能解决吗也许他们就不爱上班会找别的理由的

In this argument, the arguer recommends that daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil in order to prevent colds and lower absenteeism. The arguer cites the results of a recent report that EM’s people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for treatment of colds as a result of high consumption of fish. Moreover the arguer points that colds are reason given for absences from school and work. As it stands, the argument suffers from several critical flaws as follows.

First of all, eating a substantial amount of fish for preventing colds dose not mean that using Ichthaid must be helpful. Because during the medical abstraction, the component which may be helpful for fight against colds may have already lose. It means that the effect may have vanished. Besides, whether Ichthaid have side-effect or not has not been demonstrated, even if the Ichthaid can avoid colds, it may bring other uncomfortable symptom, such as diarrhea, headache and so on. It appears reasonable, therefore, for the arguer to prove the credibility and the availability before to make a recommend.

In addition, the report cited by the arguer is too vague to be reliable. There is no obvious relationship between consuming fish highly and visiting doctor fewer for the treatment of colds. It is possible that the climate in EM is better than WM, which is not so easily to catch colds. Granted that the climate is not a sole factor of catching colds, there is another possibility that people living in EM are likely to treat themselves at home rather than going to hospital. Moreover, the validity of the study survey is doubtful, may the interviewees are strong, healthy, even hardly to catch colds, may the samples for the report is not enough to
Illuminate this problems. So it is very opinionated to think about EM’s people is due to high consumption fish for preventing colds.

Finally, even if the colds problems is solved by Ichthaid, and the ratio of catching colds in WM has much decreased, Will the problem of absenteeism be resolved? I am afraid not, because colds for reason to absent is not the only reason. It is equally possible that the people living in WM are not so responsible, they may want for a lot of excuse for not going work or school. Once the pretext for absenteeism is useless, they will seek another put-off for it. Form this point, we can found that the arguer’s conclusion is not so comprehensive.

To sum up, the conclusion reached in the argument lacks credibility since the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the arguer claims. To make the argument more convincing, the arguer should provide more information concerning from the low colds ratio to the high fish consumption , we need more concrete evidence that the relationship between fish and Ichthaid, otherwise the argument is logically unacceptable.

  


[ 本帖最后由 一米八四 于 2007-6-23 16:12 编辑 ]

zhangjing106UID: 2157010

In this argument, the arguer recommends that daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil in order to (could缺动词)prevent colds and lower absenteeism. The arguer cites the results of（与后面重复，可以去掉）a recent report that EM’s people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for treatment of colds as a result of high consumption of fish. Moreover the arguer points that colds are reasons(复数) given for absences from school and work. As it stands, the argument suffers from several critical flaws as follows.First of all, eating a substantial amount of fish for preventing colds dose not mean that using Ichthaid must be helpful. Because during the medical abstraction, the component which may be（is）helpful for（to） fight against colds may have already lose（lost）. It means that the effect may have vanished. Besides, whether Ichthaid have side-effect or not has not been demonstrated, even if the Ichthaid can avoid colds,(.) it(It另起一句较好) may bring other uncomfortable symptom, such as diarrhea, headache and so on. It appears reasonable, therefore, for the arguer to prove the credibility and the availability before to make（making）a recommend.In addition, the report cited by the arguer is too vague to be reliable. There is no obvious relationship between consuming fish highly and visiting doctor fewer for the treatment of colds. It is possible that the climate in EM is better than WM, which is not so easily(easy) to catch colds. Granted that the climate is not a sole factor of catching colds, there is another possibility that people living in EM are likely to treat themselves at home rather than going to hospital. Moreover, the validity of the study survey is doubtful, may the interviewees are strong, healthy, even hardly to catch colds, may the samples for the report is not enough to illuminate this problems. (此段没看太明白，貌似排比的句子结构有点问题，偶水平有限) So it is very opinionated to think about EM’s people is due to high consumption fish for preventing colds.Finally, even if the colds problems is solved by Ichthaid, and the ratio of catching colds in WM has much decreased, Will the problem of absenteeism be resolved? I am afraid not, because colds for（as） reason to absent is not the only reason（colds are not the only reason to absent.这样是不是顺一些？）. It is equally possible that the people living in WM are not so responsible, they may want for a lot of excuse for(to固定搭配) not going work or school. Once the pretext for absenteeism is useless, they will seek another put-off for it. Form this point, we can found that the arguer’s conclusion is not so comprehensive.To sum up, the conclusion reached in the argument lacks credibility since the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the arguer claims. To make the argument more convincing, the arguer should provide more information concerning from the low colds ratio to the high fish consumption,(.另起一句) we need more concrete evidence（s） that the relationship between fish and Ichthaid, otherwise the argument is logically unacceptable.（结尾有些罗唆，观点没有表述清晰）

1．  句式有问题，长句太长，影响理解
2．  提纲写的逻辑很清晰，值得学习；但是文章的逻辑不像提纲一样清晰
3．  词的搭配和语法有点问题，有的从句套从句的结构中，会出现单复数和动词格式的问题
4．  第一篇能够写成这样很赞了，还要坚持练习，继续努力。